Late new moon ritual

I finally chose the focus for the growing moon – ease. Ease in business, my body, my relationships, my interactions, etc. Not reactive to the world and stressing, but being more fully me.

I came to this after having two interactions yesterday with an ease that never has never really been there before. None of them were huge, but they were surprising improvements. One was the adorable manager at the store I work in. The other was a random person at the store who looked male but really seemed to read queer to me. Trans? In any case, I get shy around people like me. The more like me the more shy I get. It’s dumb but it is something I haven’t released yet. So, when I noticed I casually said hello it stood out. Whatever is changing they are baby steps. Today I went back to being awkward. Lol

Tonight’s grid was interesting. The outer ring was for protection and removing of negativity. Clockwise from the top (north): labradorite, carnelian, Black tourmaline (facing away), moonstone (facing toward), smoky quartz. In the middle is chrysocola and aquamarine. They support the ease I desire.

I played with the order of stones but this is what worked. I like this one.

I forgot to mention I could really feel when the energy of the ritual kicked up. I suspect what I felt was my main guide showing up. I am not great at distinguishing entities. But that was cool.

Bringing in 2018

(something glitched and this didn’t post. Good thing I checked before closing it. Originaly from Jan 4)

2018! And it’s already day 4? lol Life goes so fast, it’s mindblowing. But, I’ve approached it totally differently.
I worked through Christmas Eve, and then just chilled. The mother-in-law went into the hospital for pneumonia Christmas Eve, so rather than try to push through everything by working and watching the kiddo, I decided to just read books and hang out with family. I drove Uber a bit on Thursday and Friday, but my wife needed my help as well due to health issues. So I tried not to stress or worry. Lots of people were taking this time off anyway. My intuition didn’t freak out about it either, so it was a good choice. :-) And that choice lead to very interesting results.

I normally read a lot of non-fiction, self development books. But I’ve been feeling a pull to read fiction more to help my wife with her writing. I saw a post that were the 100 lesbian books to read and the very first book in the list grabbed my attention. So I looked it up, read the free preview, and liked it. Then I realized it was on Kindle Unlimited, which has a free 30 day trial. I signed up for that, then realized there was a free audiobook pairing if I signed up for the romance package on audible – again a free trial. And since then I have gone through at least 8 of Bridget Essex’s books which are all lesbian fantasy romances, with knights from other lands, werewolves, vampires and witches. Feel good stories that are amusing and interesting. I also read a cute book called Villians Don’t Date Heroes, which wasn’t nearly as good, but started me on this journey of lesser known books. In one of the last books I read, the main character is a normal witch living in an abnormal place. But what I realized as she would talk about rituals and the connections is that I actually wanted that. Not the details of it, but a spiritual practice that connected me to the larger energies of the moon and earth. So that lead me to my most recent endeavor.

It’s been years since I read anything witchy, so my memory was too hazy to know where to start. So I went online and started asking questions of my various pagan friends. I know I don’t want to do normal ritual. Calling a circle and all that just isn’t my thing. But I know there’s a lot of energy available to amplify my intention. So I received some good information, mostly about trusting my intuition, since I was being pulled in this direction. Tonight I did my first ‘ritual’, even though it’s a few days past the full moon. Here’s what I did.

First, I cleaned my office. I just couldn’t do ritual work in the mess. It’s not super organized, but the floor is cleaned up and well vacuumed, the general clutter is out of sight, and I had room to set up. Then I pulled down my salt lamp, which I turned on. I was told the colors of the full moon are white, blue and orange, so I chose 3 stones that matched from my collection: orange calcite, white quartz, lapis lazuli (egg shaped), and a selenite egg that I held in my hands throughout. I also added a nice big chunk of labradorite. Then I sat before them. First I took a few breaths, clearing my mind. Then I did an MBO for ease in releasing self judgment, which is what I’m focusing on releasing in the waning moon. I believe then that I called upon Luna, the Moon, and Gaia, the Earth, along with my spirit guides, to aid me with their energies with what I was trying to accomplish. I didn’t call upon any gods or goddesses, as that isn’t really my thing either. I had a nice little chat, felt the energy humming, and when I felt complete I did a bow. It felt very good to do something more purposeful than just saying a quick MBO. Then I put my primary stones in the basket of the salt lamp (it’s a basket of chunks of salt) and put it all away. Based on these results I plan to do this daily when possible to reinforce the intention and give me some connection time. I also have the moon phases in my calendar so I can now when to shift focus and pick a new one. I may try to do a longer ritual on those days, but I’m not worrying about it.

Another nudge my intuition gave was to make another lightsaber bracelet, after watching The Last Jedi twice. I felt like I needed the reminder again, given how challenging life has been. These bracelets take me about 4 hours to make. I could do it faster but the quality would suffer. And since I’ll wear this constantly for months I don’t want to sacrifice quality. Now if I can just take the time to make a how-to video I can check that off my list. I have been enjoying having it on.

The energies have been really odd the last few days. I find myself humming a lot. I don’t know what is all happening, but I’m assuming it’s changes that need to happen. It’s causing my appetite to be all weird. And sleep has been a challenge. But I’m trusting that it’s for the best. I mean, just getting nudges to do things for my spiritual life is a welcome change so it seems to be a good thing.

Business is starting to pick up. It’s looking like two projects are moving forward now, with potentially some others soon. I also met a guy who seems very nice and very interested in being an installer. He will be learning from my current installers and then should be a great way to simplify my project schedules. And we’re going to do our best to get into the home and garden show this year. Hopefully that makes for a great year of projects for us! And then with enough projects we have the money to invest in our own personalized lead generation system which keeps us growing quickly.

So right now, life is a challenge, but it’s looking up. Parenthood is quite the challenge with an almost 3 year old. It caused some major conflict between my wife and I last week. I reached out to friends again, and we have a plan of action. First, potty training. That is likely starting this weekend since we started getting Melody excited for it. This solves the biggest battle of the day – poopy diaper changes which are often painful for her. And I’m reading Happiest Toddler on the Block so I can be a better parent. I keep expecting too much from her cognitively. She’s so intelligent that it’s easy to do. There are so many awesome things about almost 3. Her understanding of holidays like Christmas and her upcoming birthday has been a blast. Her increased language, which was already impressive. Her new ways of playing with toys. It’s a lot of fun. What’s not fun is the other normal things about 3 – pushing limits, whining, etc. That’s where the book comes in. And soon we’re going to transition her to her own bed again and start weaning. It’s really time for me to have my body back completely. And it’s time for my wife and I to have our bed back, even though I love our cuddle times. It’s going to be hard for me to get used to not curling up with her. But it’s necessary. I know it’s not a one and done thing, but it’s time to give it a try again. I have two massive bags of m&ms for bribes. And toys. I think we can do it. lol

So that’s where I’m at right now to start the year. My physical is taking a break, though I’m looking forward to Tuesday night medicinal qigong with a little yoga mixed in. That will complement my Thursday morning qigong as well, so hopefully I start to feel better physically. I started doing the inversion table again, which I set to be more steep. And I am trying Moringa which is supposed to work even better than circumin for inflammation. I only just started, so I will see how I feel after working all weekend. We’re also researching kratom (I think that’s it) for my wife and maybe myself. I’d like to not be in pain so I can start exercising again. I know I could exercise at home, it’s just difficult to fit it in. So it’s going to be in there when I really feel the pull for it, like anything else in my life. :-)

Always a work in progress.

What I’m working on

A year has past since I was laid off and thrown into the self-employed world. Wow! In that time I have created ways to make this work that I hadn’t anticipated. I don’t know how I’ll do it going forward either. But one of the things I’m working on is not knowing the how until it happens. Instead I’m working to be the energy of creation. Creating in all aspects of my life, not from how this reality defines it but in the way that I do it. What’s fun is I get better at it all the time. I can feel that magic and ease. And then it shifts and I can’t. Lol 

Thankfully I’m in multiple classes/calls/groups where I can keep getting different perspectives on this and keep growing. I feel so close to a breakthrough in this area!

Our most exciting area of creation right now started about two weeks ago. My wife is a writer. She resists that label but she is. She’s incredibly insightful about people so she creates characters and dialog that is spot on. Well, something shifted in her and this story demanded to be written. Interestingly enough, it started right after I was working on things in a call to not buy her stories anymore (that’s a complicated thing to describe right now, so if you want to know what that means just ask). She’s now made huge breakthrough’s in a story she’s been trying to write for ages. She bounces ideas off me, I give her different perspectives, and she runs with them. She’s literally listening to these two characters in her head all the time. While it’s a novel and fiction, she’s telling the story of these two women who are alive on some level in her mind, and it’s so exciting. 

Right now it’s still getting to know them and how their story plays out. Big plot points for instance, and how they get together in spite of their issues. But it’s awesome. I’m so excited to read the story of two adult lesbians who aren’t questioning their sexuality or pining after straight women. Just normal people figuring out their lives! I can totally see this as a movie as well, since there’s so much need for lesbian movies that aren’t coming out stories or one of them is straight-ish. 

I have no clue how long this process will take, but it’s going to be a lot of fun to get done and published. I love utilizing my superpower of knowing the next step to keep my wife out of the weeds and in productive writing mode. I hope to work with more creative types in the future as a coach. To help something come into the world is so fun! And I’m not nearly talented enough to write fiction, or songs, or create art myself! At least not at this point in my life. 

Side note, I taught Melody to say “mommy’s a badass” thanks to this new direction. It’s so cute!

So that’s where we are at. I’m working to destroy whatever is limiting my creation of business revenue. Shifting the focus to creating in general and seeing where it leads. 

When books speak

There are some books that have made such a large impact in my life as to completely change it. One series has been the Conversations with God and subsequent books by Neale Donald Walsch. He recently, unexpectedly released Book 4, Awaken the Species. I listened to it on audiobook which was particularly awesome, especially the female God reader. I experienced many times feeling like God was truly speaking to and through me. It was an amazing experience, one that I never once felt in my entire childhood of churchgoing.

I ordered a hard copy of the book because there was so much good information that I can use to teach others. More importantly, it is another perspective on living an awakened life which is very helpful.

I know this is vague but I recommend it to all the spiritually minded folks out there. If you are struggling to be a better person, give this whole series a listen. Stop judging the crap out of yourself and see that you are already doing a great job.

Life, self employed

I’m not sure that self employed is exactly accurate. I don’t have a normal job, that’s for sure. I am self employed with my healing business. I’m paid with commission for solar, which hasn’t had any sales yet. And I’m a consultant with Usborne Books which pays some but not as much as I need. All in all, I’m crazy busy and just not making much money yet. So, what will it take to change that?

One thing I did was start driving for Lyft. This would go better if I had better child care options and didn’t have a toddler overcoming separation anxiety, but I’m making it work. I’ve made a little over $200 in just a few days of driving. Not too bad. I prefer doing just a few long runs and seeing the earnings go up fast rather than a bunch of short runs. It’s a big pain in the ass to take everything (including car seat and mirror) out of the car to drive, but it’s worth it. And it makes me keep my car clean, which is a bonus. lol

Another thing I did was start the process to refinance the house. It will allow me to skip a mortgage payment and maybe even get a little cash back from the escrow and such. I didn’t even think to ask to take out more (duh!) until it was already being drawn up. It’s already going to be a bit more because the cost is folded into the loan. But it can be done quickly, I’m down to a crazy low 3.25% interest rate and save over $100 a month. Every little bit helps at this point! I may have been screwed out of my educational benefits because of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, but the home loan has been a lifesaver twice now. And having medical without having to buy insurance is also super critical. Medicaid eligibility is a huge mess due to having a high income and then practically zero. We just need coverage for Melody, though she doesn’t have any scheduled appointments until she’s 2 which is cool.

Honestly, if it wasn’t for the lack of cash flow I’d be perfectly fine with the current situation. It keeps me looking for new opportunities and expanding my comfort zone every day. Things keep getting better, I just want them faster, which doesn’t help me create.

I’m doing farmer’s markets and vendor events more now. It started with the health fair at a senior community. Another vendor does a small market that I wanted to try. I called the organizer and got in right away. It ends this next Tuesday, but that allowed me to meet other vendors and connect with two other markets. One is Fridays and goes through October and the other is a bit of a drive to Castle Rock but is Wednesday evenings. That’s a more affluent area so I’m hoping to get more sales and connections, not just for books but also solar. And the guy is really interested in having me join with his other idea of pop up paleo events. Basically they are vendor events geared towards crossfit gyms and stuff. So that’s another opportunity with minimal cost (except travel). Plus if I can’t do some I have a recruit for Usborne in Colorado Springs who can perhaps help. So the markets are picking up, even if it’s the end of the season.

This has been the most challenging time of my life, but not in a bad way. In order to pull this off I have to apply my tools like crazy. I fall short every day, but it’s getting better all the time. Hopefully I’ll start writing about these examples more, at least on my facebook page. It would be nice to start getting more clients. 🙂

I better get some sleep. I’m meeting two of my networking colleagues tomorrow and have plenty of phone calls and such to make to try to find some more vendor events.

In the event it takes another month to get back to writing, I’m still working on self care. Tonight I decided to try CBD oil (no THC, so no intoxicating affects). I’m hoping it helps relax my muscles more because my body hurts every day and it isn’t very fun. I’m struggling to make time for yoga, which would also help. And making time for even more is even harder. But tonight we did a short walk with Melody’s ‘bike’ and that felt good so clearly I need more movement. Hopefully the next time I post I’ll have some progress in this area.

Laid off and building

I was laid off June 30 and at a sprint ever since it feels. I’m constantly looking at how to build up my three business areas so that I don’t need to return to working a normal job. Honestly, I don’t know how to get another job that pays remotely well anyway. My experience is too specialized and I don’t really want another job anyway. I want to build up my businesses so I can work part time on them and spend time with my daughter and traveling the rest of the time.

I know this was benevolent. I requested a benevolent outcome for this many times, that it happen when the timing was right. Therefore, my faith is strong and I take actions every day to keep moving. My bigger challenge is slowing down to keep notes and get organized.

I’m still waiting on severance to hit my bank account. Thankfully we had a little savings, but it’s only 1 paycheck worth. So we really need that money quickly so I can pay the mortgage for July. I suspect they’ll call me Monday asking about it. But this is why I bought, because you don’t immediately get kicked out. 😉 The real fun is that we leave July 27 for 2 1/2 weeks for a trip that was planned ages ago. We did make it cheaper by cancelling our flights and car rental which were all fully refundable. We’re staying in rustic cabins the first two nights (Wyoming and South Dakota) so we get to save money there and see a new part of the country. We’re staying with a friend in Minneapolis the third night, my parents couch the 4th, and then the next two nights we’re staying at a vrbo rental in Upper Michigan with my parents. In Indiana we got an airbnb for only $45 a night which is awesome. And on the way back we’re staying at a ranch in Kansas! Melody is going to flip at having horses and cows around! And I’m honestly excited too. Too much time in the city messes with me. Especially after the 4th of July illegal fireworks (including loud mortars) and tonight hearing two gun shots at midnight. I really don’t like this much city. It’s extra motivation to keep building so we can move.

I better get to bed. I will have a separate post at some point about hosting an Usborne Book Party to get free books, but at this point, if anyone wants to help me out, and help yourselves, parties are super easy and you don’t have to sell a ton to get rewards. Free book credit starts at only $85 in sales and the books are excellent! If you just want to place an order and fall in love like I have you can do so at https://c5299.myubam.com/341196 The customer special is amazing right now. You get 6 wipe clean books plus two pens for only $17! These are great for pre-school and kindergarten levels and very durable! Let me know if you want some recommendations. 🙂

14 month developments

Time is going so fast it seems. Yet strangely, by documenting so much in pictures and tagging it with the month the time seems to slow. Even when she’s ‘almost 14 months’ she’s still 13 months in the tag, which makes it more ‘real time’ in my brain. It’s nice.

So, what’s new in Melody’s world? Oh so much of course.

Words/sounds

I combine these because learning to do animal sounds is the same development for her body as words. And boy do we have a lot of them! I’ll try to recall them all. Dog, cat, monkey, bear, owl, sheep (one of her favorites), owl, duck, cow and as of yesterday she has horse. Sometimes they need a reminder, but that’s normal I suspect. Her words change often but she’s definitely learned no! We have play arguments already to help keep the charge off of no which is fun. She has ‘caca’ for cracker. Something that sounds like cookie, but we don’t have cookies often so I think she’s made that word mean anything sweet and bready? It’s hard to tell. More is still adorable, and it sounds like she’s getting milk, though it sounds similar to more so is hard to determine. She’s working on mawmaw for grandma. I’m pretty sure More is her favorite word, as this kid wants more of EVERYTHING! lol I’m told that’s normal with special kids, as they want what they want and feel entitled to get it. I know that happens with most kids, but it’s on a different level from what I’m told.

Yesterday on our walk we passed many dogs barking in their backyard and Melody barked back. It was cute and improved the quality of her woof woofs. Interestingly, she didn’t bark at the dogs that were being walked on a leash, which is probably a good thing.

She also has these sounds that I can only describe as alien but adorable. I think she really enjoys learning to make new sounds with her mouth. She’s playing with her tongue more as well. And because of this, I’m learning to make new sounds and play with my mouth more. It’s a rediscovery of play which is so awesome and beneficial.

Physical 

As of this weekend, she’s learned to walk backwards! It’s also adorable (but really, everything new is adorable still). She’s learning to take smaller steps without having to sit down or crawl up them. We’ve mostly got her trained to wait for a grownup for stairs, but not always. My wife trained her to close the bedroom door instead of running through it which has dramatically increased the safety factor. We haven’t found gates that work with our current stair setup unfortunately. Thankfully she has no clue how to open doors since she can’t reach the handle…yet.

Running is becoming more and more possible, as is crashing into things. She loves to throw her body around and be upside down. Add spinning to that and this kid is always moving it seems. I think she’s really going to enjoy dance class in another 2 years. Her dancing  continues to improve and there are hints of rhythm. Her favorites include Jessie J, Adele, and Pink but she loves so many kinds of music. It’s easier for her to dance to the dance stuff though. I’ve just learned to ignore the lyrics and focus on the cute baby dancing. I mean, no one will claim that Do it Like a Dude is appropriate for children, but the music is hard to ignore. And in YouTube, it just comes on after listening to other stuff. I now understand how some of these other ‘inappropriate’ baby dancing videos can happen.

Sleep

We have entered the space of nightmares which are really just overwhelming dreams – too much of a good thing. I’m told this is normal with special kids, as they can create so much in their dream world but don’t know how to uncreate as well. So they’ll create baa baas or ooh ooh aaahs (monkeys) and have lots of fun but then create too much and get scared because they can’t make them go away so fast. This has caused resistance to sleep which isn’t so fun, plus the waking up freaked out part. We’ve been working on this on many levels (her angel, guide, and my wife on the astral) and might finally have it worked out so she can create and destroy fast enough to not wake up scared. Side note, she views all animals as cat sized because those are the only animals she’s seen in person (in memory) that give her an idea of scale. It’s time for the zoo!

We’re still bed sharing and nursing to sleep. My wife can get her to sleep without a bottle many times, and there are plenty of times when I nurse her to sleepy and my wife gets her down the rest of the way. My hope is that before long we can get her sleepy and then down her the crib so my wife can get up more without worry. I don’t want to do the crib at night yet since she nurses plenty and that keeps her calories and my supply up. She doesn’t have the spare body fat to encourage her to miss night feedings yet. But she is very strong, so I want to keep nursing as much as we can until her solid intake increases substantially.

Overall

I adore this kid. Yes, she’s challenging at times when she keeps trying to play with the garbage, or eat things off the floor, or pull the flowers off the crocus. But that’s all normal stuff. I have a few books to read to help me learn to discipline her more effectively (using discipline to mean guide her to making good choices and keep herself from serious harm). And I’d like to minimize the tantrums in these coming years. She’s just so aware and wants so much from the world that I need tools to direct her with less yelling and frustration (which is how I was raised). And I want to be an example to other parents to see that there is another way instead of physical punishment and yelling. For so many, that’s all they know. Sometimes the best way to change the world is to be an example to inspire others.

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