Visitors

After the exciting news from the genetics doctors, I came home to visitors. Not physical people in my home, but a line of beings who wanted to see me, the baby, and offer their well wishes. I suspect this is because Melody refused to tell ANYONE whether her body was male or female, so they were all waiting. I had three who were there to talk to me: grandpa Nollenberg, aunt Sally, and Susan. Now, throughout this I was very emotional because I tend to get that way with dead people. I wish I was able to handle it better, but it just happens. Even now I tear up. It’s a process.

My grandpa talked the most. I don’t remember a lot of distinct memories with him. He was quiet, like I was. But he told me a lot of things. I’ll try to remember it all.

His most important message was for me to break the cycle in the family. To hug my kids every day, because I love them. Not to make up for something and prove I love them for show. Just because I love them. Show them, tell them, just love my kids. Raise a strong daughter, who stands up for herself. I had already planned on doing this, but it was important for him to pass that along. The rest was just general information. He talked about how he knew I was special, that I was sensitive. I would sit near him and just sit quietly while everyone else was being loud. He remembers sitting outside while people picked strawberries. Just sitting. I wouldn’t pick them, just wait until the bucket was brought over and then ate them. I wish I remembered that myself. I told him how I really loved being outside watching the lightning bugs, which he liked too. He wishes he could have done more for us, but by the time my generation came around his body was broken, his marriage was broken, his heart was kinda broken. Thinking back, I don’t have any expectations of him though. I mean, he was just kinda old. I never had active grandparents, so I didn’t expect anything. lol And as a quiet child, I don’t think I really minded. Even as he was older and sick, he liked that I would leave the loud folks wherever they were and just sit in the room with him. I didn’t know that mattered to him. I had to ask him a random question though. Growing up, grandma made what we called seafoam candy. But I don’t know what other people call it, so can’t figure out what it was. It looked kinda like meringue, but was much sweeter and denser. My best guess is it’s a home made version of divinity, but we weren’t doing pecans and stuff, and we had different colors. Anyway, I asked him if he knew what anyone else called it and he said no. I had to laugh. 🙂 A few other things he mentioned were that nothing is holding him here, he didn’t want me worrying about that. He’ll go home soon. I hope part of him will be present for the blessing after Melody is born, but I don’t think that means he can’t go home first. He also said to not hate my grandma (which I don’t) because it won’t help. I said it would be easier if she didn’t do bad things still. He said something about his marriage would have been happier if he could get her to stop doing bad things too. lol But he did love her dearly. And I don’t hate her, I just don’t like how she treats people, especially my mom. He didn’t know that I didn’t hate her though, so he wanted me to know that I shouldn’t. 🙂  Finally, I asked if he knew that my brother missed him. He laughed and shared a memory of him running in circles outside, just smiling and having fun, and grandpa just smiling and watching him. My brother was not the quiet, sitting type. 😉 He said that my brother will be fine, and what he needs to change is his. He already broke the cycle with his kids, as he hugs them and stuff. The things I need to focus on are entirely breaking this cycle. And at the beginning and end, he touched my arm. The first time I felt like he was touching me. The second time it was like my energy reached out to him. Don’t know why, just interesting. As a side note, my grandpa visited about a week ago as well, but didn’t pass along much of the message due to time. He came to me in my dream, which was so awesome. He wanted to know where my wife was so she could translate for him, but I could hear him just fine in the dream. lol Once I woke up and asked the guides passed on the most important message, to love my children and hug them and don’t repeat his mistakes. There are plenty of other things he said while visiting, but those are rather private for my mom and not for a public blog.

Then it was Sally’s turn. She’s been dead longer, which is maybe why she had more energy available than grandpa. She didn’t have as much to say. She talked about needing to leave when she did because she couldn’t watch her family disintegrate in the coming years. I think a lot of people think she held the family together, but I guess that’s not true, because it would have happened with her there as well. She said that like grandpa, we didn’t have an obviously close relationship, but we were very similar. We were special in a family of non-special people. We are deeply kind in a family that isn’t. (Not that they aren’t capable of kindness, but it isn’t on the same level and it’s hard to describe.) She said as a baby she liked to just hold me and look in my eyes, and I would look right back and her, not even blinking. She said that I was too special for my body to handle, that I knew too much and that’s the best theory we have as to why my brain is the way it is. I feel like I’m forgetting something, but I don’t know what. She will be at the blessing, she wants to see this through, but I believe she’ll be passing on more fully after that. Before she left, she asked to touch my stomach. And where I had to focus to notice the energy change from grandpa, she almost made my choke on my kleenex! My stomach was borderline hot! It was very intense.

And finally, Susan. She didn’t have a ton to say, but she mentioned how, the short time we spent together meant a lot to her. It brought her happiness when she didn’t think she would find it again. And part of her is still sad that she never got to be a mother, as her child died with her when 7 months pregnant. She asked if she could stick around for a while and be a guardian for Melody, almost a literal Godmother, being that she’s a lot closer to God now. hahaha I said yes, of course. I would never turn her down, and I think their energies are going to match well. To me, they both feel like sunshine.

If I remember some more things later, I will likely just edit this post for my own records.

I just had this realization. This experience makes me cry because these are three of very few people who got me, at a time when I didn’t get myself. So few people seem to do that, and then of those, so many are dead. And that really sucks. I mean, why couldn’t I at least know they got me while they were alive? That’s kinda fucked up! lol

Now that I’ve written all this, and cried, I feel better. Maybe I needed to get why they mattered when it didn’t seem like I had that many memories of them. At least the experience is similar for them, that their memories are of quiet time. Interesting either way. And I am grateful for their visit. I look forward to seeing them and many more at the blessing.

 

Oh, and the other visitors were the silent type. Upper level guides that I have yet to meet, those types. 🙂

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