I finally chose the focus for the growing moon – ease. Ease in business, my body, my relationships, my interactions, etc. Not reactive to the world and stressing, but being more fully me.
I came to this after having two interactions yesterday with an ease that never has never really been there before. None of them were huge, but they were surprising improvements. One was the adorable manager at the store I work in. The other was a random person at the store who looked male but really seemed to read queer to me. Trans? In any case, I get shy around people like me. The more like me the more shy I get. It’s dumb but it is something I haven’t released yet. So, when I noticed I casually said hello it stood out. Whatever is changing they are baby steps. Today I went back to being awkward. Lol
Tonight’s grid was interesting. The outer ring was for protection and removing of negativity. Clockwise from the top (north): labradorite, carnelian, Black tourmaline (facing away), moonstone (facing toward), smoky quartz. In the middle is chrysocola and aquamarine. They support the ease I desire.
I played with the order of stones but this is what worked. I like this one.
I forgot to mention I could really feel when the energy of the ritual kicked up. I suspect what I felt was my main guide showing up. I am not great at distinguishing entities. But that was cool.
I am lying in bed cuddling Melody to sleep. She asked for boobies and whined when I told her no. But not very long. She is ready.
As I lay here trying to burn this to memory I notice that our strongest point of connection is at my core. Her incubator in essence. While I am no longer directly providing part of her sustenance, energetically I am still contributing to her. And while the emotions only come in quiet moments where I think about these changes, it’s still going to take a bit of time.
What a strange experience!
It’s been 4 days since our last nurse (I think). We officially went 3 years and 9 days. Never did I imagine breastfeeding this long. I am grateful for it. Grateful for the immune boosting. The bonding. As a not very physical person it was critical for our bond throughout.
Melody made the decision to be a little girl instead of a baby (we didn’t make either a negative just talked about the benefits of growing up.)
I am taking lecithin twice a day and so far so good. I don’t miss the pain of my daughter’s shallow latch. And we do lots of cuddles. But I am definitely more emotional right now. I am grateful this happened near ovulation and not while I bleed. Emotions are hard enough without extra hormones.
I hope it gets better soon and the production slows down enough so my body is finally my own again. I really want my boobs to shrink some and give me a break.
Here are some tweets I posted to show her journey. We will work on the bed more in the coming days. She has needed the comfort of sleeping with us. But she should be ok soon. We will also start potty training as soon as my wife can handle it. I have too much work to do to be much help with it unfortunately.