Last week was an intense one. I started researching adoption in Colorado so I could talk to a lawyer and figure out costs. That’s when I started to figure out some worrisome information. It appears Colorado only allows adoption through an agency. That means even people who are adopting their relative have to use an agency, dramatically increasing the cost of adoption. This is appalling to me. Yes, we need to make sure everyone is protected, but this seems a lot more like successful lobbying by those who profit from adoption (something that still bothers me) and prices out a whole portion of the population who can’t afford to spend $30,000 just to get a baby. Going into debt to have a kid is not wise for most people.
As I was realizing how this was turning out, I became angry and sad. I even cried a little at the hopelessness of that news. I’m still a little angry at the principle of it. How many people’s hearts are broken because of this law?
This leaves us with a few options.
1. Hope we get a baby as foster parents. This is risky and out of our control. Plus, the goal is always reunification with parents which means it’s complicated. The baby isn’t actually yours unless the plan changes to adoption which takes a year or two.
2. Hope we get a pregnant teen as a foster kid who decides to let us adopt. This is even more far fetched. And while we wait for either of these options we just get older. I’m 35, raising a child from birth seems like it would be harder the longer you wait. Or that’s just a limiting idea I have that I’d have to release at some point.
3. I get pregnant.
While options 1 and 2 could still happen, the time frame is completely unknown, with high risk. Option 3 is doable, as long as I embrace it. I’ve never wanted to have kids. I always planned to adopt. But it isn’t working out that way. Today Jennifer Hoffman posted this in her update on facebook and it seems to apply directly to me.
As soon as you are aware that it is time to let go of something it’s because the new beginning is already available for you. Let it in now, it has been waiting for you for such a very long time. We think that the process starts with the realization, that’s the end. The realization that something is over for us is our sign that it’s time to cut that cord and release that energy.
Well, adoption has been closed for us, for a baby at least. It’s still an option for older kids, and we continue to pursue it. The new door has opened. I’m still young enough. After removing those tiny polyps last year I know my uterus is in good shape. It wasn’t in bad shape to begin with, they took them out simply for caution. And my family has a good history of women getting pregnant in their 30′s. I haven’t smoked, I don’t drink, I don’t drink much caffeine, and I already take my vitamins and such. To further increase my fertility I’m going to use FertilAid which is a supplement with excellent ratings. I start that this next week. I’m also getting a yoga for fertility dvd to help my body be as ready as possible, which hopefully arrives next week. I am borrowing a book from my yoga studio as well. I am also starting to track my ovulation. The test strips are super cheap so I can get familiar with my cycle before seeing the doctor. I have a phone consult with her October 7th to ask the basics and tell her my plan. Then I want an appointment as soon as we arrive so we can try for insemination in November already. I want to be pregnant by Christmas. It would be the best gift ever.
Now, many people don’t think twice about getting pregnant. But they’re normal women. I am not. I don’t even call myself a woman. I am female, but I am butch, So as part of preparing to make my decision I had to get comfortable with this idea. First I googled the trans man who got pregnant. From there I thought to google butch and pregnant and found two really useful blogs. First, the appropriately named Butch and Pregnant who I’ve bugged a few times with questions already. Another has been very helpful for clothing ideas, which is perhaps the worst part of pregnancy for butches, Preggo Butch Fashion. Thanks to this blog I think I can get away with my clothes for a while. I might even venture into the world of suspenders! Another helpful post is from MommyDaddies. And then, just today I learned of this comic, Pregnant Butch, which I must read soon! The article about the comic is beneficial alone, especially for sharing with facebook family/friends.
So, at this point, I feel comfortable with this. I want our baby, and this is the way to do it. On the plus side, Carrie won’t have to adopt the baby. Since Colorado has a Civil Union law, we are treated like married for the sake of state matters. The lawyer said to do the adoption anyway for protection if we leave Colorado, but we aren’t leaving Colorado. That means the only thing to worry about is Carrie’s name change so we all have the same last name.
That means at some point before long this blog will be quite different. I’ll still write about the normal stuff, but this is a very new journey, and I want to document it for my own sanity and to help others, like the blogs above help me. If you want to be involved, just say an MBO for our success. For instance, you can say “I ask any and all beings to assist in creating a most benevolent outcome for Jackie’s insemination and pregnancy, to bring them the healthy baby meant for them. Thank you.”
Here’s to being pregnant at 35!