Man things get busy, and on the weekend I often don’t even touch my computer because I’m busy with various things. In a way it is nice, but it’s really because we’re still trying to get the house organized. Once the home study is done, I’m done doing so much cleaning. And right now, we’re negotiating the schedule. The social worker has to talk to the lawyer who has her fees (we pay him, he pays her). I’m also fitting it in with work. I’m finally getting into actual work with this new team and project I’m on. Today showed me how much I forgot, but also that it comes back fairly quick. And it feels good! I don’t have to wait for someone to be super controlling and give me a job I only have to run mindlessly. I get to think, and build things, and name them how I want. It’s freedom! It’s engaging and reminds me what I liked about this job before it got boring. This is a great situation for me and will build my confidence going into Denver.
The last few days have been a huge challenge for me. I wrote this today on facebook and it kinda sums things up.
Can I share something I’ve learned this year, too many times now (like right now)? The energies of this year and the past years are challenging. They are meant to point out our shadows and areas where we must heal ourselves. Therefore we can find ourselves easily triggered in some areas. We can be more emotional than normal. Or just find many more things challenge us.
Try to be aware of this. Realize that as we evolve spiritually and become more and more aware, we will notice earlier when we are being anything less than our highest self. It doesn’t mean we are failing as healers and spiritual people, it means our standards continue to rise. These challenges are actually a sign of growth.
Take a step back when you find yourself struggling. When you are triggered. When you become emotional. Use the tools you already have. If those tools aren’t sufficient, find new ones. Ask. Just don’t give in. This time is like graduate school for spiritual awareness. Just like graduate school, we can feel like we are failing. The nice thing is, as long as we keep trying, we can’t fail.
Breathe. Dedicate more strongly to the goal of evolution and growth. Things will get easier again.
The last two and a half days have been really hard. It takes constant vigilance and effort. I’ve turned my radio to classical in the car, and listened to classical at work today. I need to avoid anything that could do something weird to my energy or mood. I’ve also been listening to my car yoda to try to break up the stress that builds while driving. It’s helping, but it feels like a slow slog through muck.
I feel like I have a lot to sort through, but since the focus is on the home study I don’t have time to work through it consciously. I guess by working on my mood and reactions to triggers that’s still something. One step at a time until I make it to the other side – or Colorado.
And now, sleep, because I’m really behind and can’t handle much more coffee. My stomach is not amused.