I’ve had a rather rough few days. I made a relatively minor mistake at work (one of those, everyone else is doing it moments) but since I’m already in trouble from before it’s a more major issue. I don’t know what will happen until this week, but I’m not in a good situation. While it’s a bad situation, I realize my part in getting into it and try not to focus on the parts other people played. On the plus side, I made some big changes real fast because I had so much motivation to do so. I just hope it’ll be enough to buy the time I need to find another job if necessary.
I’ve spent more time thinking about careers. I’m still not in a position to transition to music with Carrie, so I need a job that is satisfying and supports us as we transition over the next few years to a new joint career. I may not need to change jobs, but with layoffs always being considered at work, I have to be prepared. In my last real semester of grad school I took geophysics, which was a pretty cool class. I have always enjoyed geology but chose physics in undergrad. I wonder if that was a bad decision, but it wasn’t really. I walked the path I needed to. Now I live in one of the main oil centers of the world so I’m looking at these exploration companies that need people to do geophysics work. Quite a few will hire people with no experience and train them, which is cool. However, so many of the jobs are in other countries, or they make you do months of training in a foreign country. This wouldn’t be so bad if Carrie were healthy, with friends and family around to help her out. But she’s still healing, doesn’t drive, and doesn’t know anyone around here. To top it off, the cats wouldn’t want to be away from her so that makes things really complicated.
Overall I’ve been thinking about how I could leave Carrie alone for months (not that I have to worry about it right now), as well as why I’m self sabotaging at work. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and not able to make good decisions unless the consequences are really high? Hopefully I gain some insight soon. If nothing else, I’m going to do my best at work. Lots of studying to do, and little else honestly which is hard for me. Too little structure means I have enough rope to hang myself…
So, I’ve learned things about myself, for better or worse. I’m not sure how to fix everything, but at the least Carrie is improving in many ways. We’ve been told she’ll start to really improve once her mom leaves and she has her house to herself again while I’m at work. It’ll be interesting!
I’m going to hope for non-anxiety filled dreams and good sleep so I can start the week on the right foot.
