Smells like baby

…which smells better than teen spirit.  :-)  Today, just after feeding Adam’s cats, we got a phone call from Christi.  She wanted a little company.  Unfortunately we couldn’t stay long because we weren’t anticipating being out late and didn’t bring Carrie’s medicine.  But, we got about an hour of play time with her and Shayla.  She’s getting so big!  Six teeth, crawling up a storm, pulling herself up and standing supported.  It won’t be long before she’s walking.  Plus, she was hilarious.  Lots of playing, an adorable smile, and now I smell like baby powder.  hahaha

Babies are so addicting.  At least good babies are.  She’s so neato! It’s great fun to play with her, it’s certainly tempting to want one of our own.  But for now, we can only handle periodic play time.  But it’s all good.  Yay babies!

Try to explain…

It’s very hard to explain just why I’m so busy lately.  Since we moved, I’ve only been able to unpack a little at a time.  It’s amazing how much there is to do!  In addition I’ve been cat sitting.  One house is quite close and easy to take care of.  But the other is on the other side of town, so every day I lose an hour and a half to the care of critters.  While the time loss sucks, the financial gain has been very crucial to our quality of life at this difficult time.

But this is what’s harder to explain.  Carrie is preparing intensely for her next ascension.  She spends hours each day in meditation.  And now she’s dealing with some pretty difficult memories that have wiped her out emotionally.  Therefore, she’s just not up for doing a lot of cleaning or chores.  I know that sounds bad…but it really is hard to explain.  I’m not mad at her, just a little frustrated with my lack of ability to keep up with everything.  I really need a few days off to catch up and things would be all fine.  I guess that’s what this weekend and then the new year will be for.

Christmas was fun.  The unexpected things are always the best.  I got a Marine Corps fleece blanket with some badass pictures on it along with a small flag.  In that same vein I got the book Band of Sisters, which is quite interesting so far.  I got a few other books on my amazon list, new socks (carrie loves socks, so we both get socks every year lol), some video games, and an antique russian cosmonaut ornament.  We each got a pop up hamper with the Colts and Packers logo.  Those are quite handy actually since we don’t have something convenient for carrying one load of clothes in the apartment.  Carrie got guitar mounts for the wall which will get the guitars safely off the floor stands.  Oh, and the present that was most exciting?  Hairspray, the shake and shimmy edition!  hahahaha   Now I can learn the dances if I want.  lol

So, this weekend I hope to unpack more boxes and freecycle the boxes and other stuff that I hoped to get rid of before we moved.  I also plan to take some books down to half price books.  I know I’ll only get a few dollars, but it all helps and it gets them out of the house.  My goal for the coming year will be to read all the books on my shelf that I haven’t read…which is a lot.  So far I read the Young Astronauts books which I got last year or the year before.  They’re kids books, but amusing enough and very fast reads.  They inspire you to dream though, of mars and space in general.  I missed that.

I hope to post a bit more often, as I finally have things to say.  For a few days I felt like I had no insights or anything to say.  Now it’s starting back up, but I find it difficult to discuss with people.  I guess I’m still waiting for the new year or something.  We’ll see.  All I know is this is going to be a year like none other.  Changes in Carrie and I that I can’t even imagine.  Returning to my drumming.  Co-writing a book with Olga.  Visiting Parris Island for the first time in 9 years.  Hopefully visiting friends, including cancer pants Ellen when we visit Parris Island.  Oh yeah, my friend Ellen has lymphoma it looks like, though we don’t know what kind yet.  Fingers crossed for Hodgkins!  She’s in good spirits about it, so I’m in good spirits too.  In fact, she’s far less depressed than normal Ellen, so this cancer thing isn’t all bad.  :-)  I’m confident she’ll beat it anyway.  Just a little turn in the road, but one for the better it seems.  It’ll be hard, and I’m prepared for the bad days if she needs to vent at someone.  It’s too bad we’re not there to help her shave her head the first time.  hehe  Super gay points there! 

Ok, clearly I’m all over the place.  I better finish my popcorn and get ready for bed.  I had a productive hour and a half cleaning but need to get some sleep too.  I’ll try to update more often.  I just hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to the new year. 

Busy and a book

Still busy with life.  Lots to unpack, but we’re slowly making dents.  My focus is on trying to get that done as soon as possible without losing my mind or sleep.  lol  Carrie is spending a lot of time trying to get ready for her next ascension in January, which means starting intensive 2 hour meditation sessions, cutting out coffee and caffeine in general, etc.  I learned that I am apparently prepared for mine and just waiting for the right time.  I guess I do some intense preparation while I sleep, which explains the ravenous hunger I had for about a week.  Now it’s just waiting, which I don’t like.  However, I had a few tiny insights the other day which made me feel like I wasn’t just waiting and doing nothing.

The thing that helped was talking to Olga about writing a book about boot camp.  There is a grand total of 1 book on female Marine boot camp that involves personal experiences.  So there is definitely a need for this.  Plus, it’s fun and gets us inspired.  Tonight I’ve been looking for my writings home and other notes  I have.  Then I’ll copy them to olga so she can read and try to construct her own timeline of memories.  I figure, once we have as many details as we can come up with we can begin to fictionalize it.  Quite simply, it’s a pain to get permission to use people’s names and all that in a book, and fiction allows us some flexibility.  Though I really don’t know how this all works.  I’ll address it when it comes up.

So far I found the letters sent to me, my knowledge notebook, and a few other things.  I also have my letters home through the end of july, but that leaves a whole nother bag of stuff that I haven’t found yet.  Grrr.  oh well .  By the way, the phrase “a whole nother” is one I use a lot, but never type because it looks weird.  I don’t even know where it came from, just something I heard growing up.  lol

Anyway, I wanted to end this with a poem I wrote in boot camp, on 27 July 1998.  It’s not outstanding or anything, but it shows where I was at, almost 2 months in.  It’s unedited, and there are two bits that probably don’t belong in a finish product, but this isn’t about finished, just preservation.

The air is heavy

it drags me down

adding weight to my body

inside and out

I try to be strong

stand up straight

but the spirit gives up

and the body breaks

Each day gets harder

and harder to bear

At the moment when I

should be happiest here

Half way through

on the way home

just have to concentrate

on making this qual

But my mind is distracted

my spirit is gone

I can’t trust my body

to remain strong

(side verses)

I know that it’s in me

hiding somewhere

I know that it’s in me

It has to be there

I’m tired from living

I’m tired from trying

I’m tired of hearing

everyone crying

(back on track perhaps?)

I need to find it

that something inside

to keep me going

and feel alive

to push me on

until I make it home

where I finish this journey

to strike out on my own.

Quick update from the headless one

I feel like I’m a chicken with it’s head cut off sometimes.  We were scheduled to move saturday.  The movers arrived and we simply weren’t done enough, so they said they’d come back sunday after their morning move.  Well, sunday afternoon rolls around and we don’t hear from them.  At 3pm they were just going to unload the move, leaving us without enough time to move sunday.  So I took monday off and we moved at noon.  It took 4 hours, but we got virtually everything here.  In order to get it done that fast I had them just shove boxes in a room and leave.  I spent 4 hours shifting boxes, setting up the tivo, computer, basic stuff, and passed out.  Since then I’ve been at work all day and trying to get to bed early, so we’re still living in boxes.

Then, at work I’ve been learning how to be a drilling coordinator in a very haphazard way, which means I don’t get much done in the lab.  So I feel disoriented everywhere I go.  I’m behind on tutor assessments, need to unpack, and still get back to the old apartment, clean and move the rest of the things.  And tomorrow is the company christmas party, meaning I won’t get anything done tomorrow.  grrr… but, free food.  So that’s something.

In addition, when we moved in the stove wasn’t working, and the washer and dryer were broken in their own way.  So, monday we got a new dishwasher, stove, and fridge.  They took out the washer and dryer yesterday, and today we got new ones.  Which is nice, but adds to the hectic nature of things.

However, there is also good.  Our porch is nice and big.  We have a sliding door so we keep it open with the blinds closed and light a fire.  This has helped carrie relax and sleep.  Plus, it’s nice.  We’ll have to find some cheaper firewood though because these firelogs are a bit expensive.  Other plusses include a very efficient heating/cooling system.  I like how the house isn’t all spread out, but with an open floor plan so you don’t feel cramped.  Once we get unpacked I’ll like it even more. 

I feel like we moved to a small town.  The grocery store isn’t packed when I go, there isn’t a lot of traffic, it’s very strange.  South Austin was insane compared to this.  As stressed as I am, I’m still calm and enjoying the silence.  I love it up here so far.  Plus, it’s only 10 minutes to work without traffic, a huge bonus.

Well, I better finish eating and get ready for bed.  I was able to make it through the weekend on adrenaline I think, but it eventually caught up to me.  Sleep is very nice now. 

Located: 1 badass drill instructor

A few days ago, my Marine friend Olga mentioned she knew someone who was still active duty who could lookup our drill instructor’s email address.  Within a day she had two of them, so we both emailed her.  Today, we got a response!  This was one of the coolest emails I’ve ever received!  lol

See, our hard hat was so inspiring.  Yeah, she scared the piss out of us, but she also inspired us to do so much more.  She never once talked to us about being ladies either.  It was all about being a Marine.  Tough, hard corps, don’t back down especially to the men.  It wasn’t that men were evil, but she knew life was going to be hard on us when we hit the fleet.

So now I’m all giddy.  She said that she did remember us, and in fact our platoon was her best and most memorable.  It feels great to hear that 9 years later.  I had some hunches that we didn’t totally suck, but you never know because they’re not supposed to let it show.  If we ever think we’re good, that’s when we screw up - which happened all the time.  So you keep recruits in check, let them know they suck, and everything is good.  lol

What’s funny is figuring out what to say.  I mean, this is someone I respect more than almost anyone else alive, yet during the time I knew her was never allowed to talk to her.  It’s a strange relationship.  lol  So we’ll see how this plays out.  It’s cool to see a bit of her personality just in a short email.  And I’m doing my best to not sound like a dork.  haha

By the way, we don’t have internet at home, so I won’t be online much except checking things at work, though tomorrow is my last day until next week due to moving.  So, I probably won’t see anything until monday again.  Or sunday.  We’ll see.  So now I better get home.  I did a tutor assessment.  I’ll send a message to the other overdue people and let them know they’ll get caught up next week.  Time to pack!

Oh and for those worried about stress, no worries.  I’m getting 7 1/2 hours of sleep, which is good enough for me to survive this week.  And last night we watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3, which was super outstanding! 

busy cubed

Ok, I don’t expect a lot of blogging time for a week.  I am so insanely busy I don’t know how to fit it all in.  I’m behind in my tutoring assessments which means I absolutely have to do them this week.  At around an hour a piece that translates into 5 hours in the evenings spent catching things up.  I’m still working at the community college though I shouldn’t have to work late any of those nights.  So that kills a few hours on monday and wednesday.  To top it all off, we move saturday.  I’ve only found one person to help us move, and while handy she isn’t wonder woman, leaving us without any muscle for the move.  That means hiring movers, which I’m not sure how we’ll afford.  But without any other options…I just don’t know anyone here.

But, before we can move everything has to be packed.  We have way too much stuff, and Carrie is not in any shape to help very much.  Her seizures are increasing in frequency, leaving her completely exhausted all the time.  She helps when she can, but it’s dangerous to have her do too much.  Today we went to the UT women’s basketball game but left at halftime after 2 of the ‘checking out’ kinds of seizures and the feeling in her stomach that tells her a grand mal is on the way.  Thankfully she held that off, but we missed the rest of the game.  Everyone was really cool at the arena though and kept an eye on her while I got the car.

So I have to somehow pack the house, get my assessments done, and still get in all my hours at work.  Right now I’m going to work as much as I can early in the week.  I have only a bit of vacation time.  I plan to use 8 hours on friday.  But, if I can get more than 32 hours monday through thursday I can leave earlier on thursday and buy me a bit more time to get this stuff done.  I wish I could afford to take off more time without pay, but it’s not possible.  This is the last week of working at the community college which means less money coming in.  I can’t afford to lose any more.

I’m not panicking yet.  But, it’s hard to stay focused on the positive.  I know it’ll be fine, I just wish I could do it at a pace that allowed me to get some decent sleep.  And since my sleep has been shit lately, I don’t know how I’m going to survive this week.  Time to put my Marine hat on and dig deep.  I can be everything to everyone, right?  lol  Just kidding.  I’ll be here for emergencies, but otherwise people are on their own.  I only have the time needed to help Carrie and focus on this house.  Hmm…I wonder if I can borrow a friend to help me pack on friday?  That could be useful, though a bit embarrassing at the mess.  I wish I lived back home.  My parents are awesome helpers/movers.  But that’s just too far right now. 

Time for bed.  Hopefully 7 hours of sleep will come and I’ll start the week off alright.