When loved ones fall
19 November 2007 — butchjaxIt’s so hard to watch someone fall. Someone very important to me is managing to vilify and push away all of her friends. I think it’s time for me to act. I know that if I say too much in the wrong way, she’ll only get angry and attack me. I know it’s coming, so I should be able to deflect these attacks, but I still want to minimize them. If I can slowly open her up, just a little bit, then maybe, just maybe, she can start to turn things around. And then she can heal. And after that, she can try to heal her friendships.
The problem with insightful people is that they know just how to make you feel wonderful, or how to cut you to your core. They can completely distract you from reality and bring you into their distorted world where you are the villain. And that’s not a fun world. I have asked for help from whatever guides can help me out. I’m not asking them to tell me exactly what to do, but to offer me subconscious encouragement so that I can keep my center and stay in a high level place. If I start to fall, I’ll get angry too, and then lose any chance to get her to open up. Unfortunately, this is a pretty energy intensive process, which I may not have enough energy for. Hopefully I can be inspired to say just the right thing, minimizing any missteps. And maybe this collapse can be reversed before it kills her, because it very well might literally kill her.
On a personal note, I’m realizing there is this state I enter. I don’t know if it’s what people call centered, or what. I think it’s something different. It’s a state of calm. Of love. It’s a state where I can deflect the insane attacks thrown my way, allowing me to maintain calm and clarity. So yes, I’m centered. Am I also vibrating at a higher frequency? I feel like I’m seeing things from a higher, more compassionate and divine perspective. I can see the actions are triggered by pain on the spiritual level, and needs to be addressed on that level. I don’t really know what to call it, but I know that I feel a lot of love, but also a tinge of sadness for the pain everyone is in. Unnecessary pain. And that sadness tells me I’m not seeing this from the highest levels yet, because from that level there’s no need for sadness. At least I don’t think there is. Unfortunately Carrie’s asleep so I don’t have anyone to bounce this idea off of. I could tell Gunny but I wouldn’t get an answer.
I don’t know how long this state will last, but it seems to be triggered when someone very close to me is in a bad state and I need to ’step up’ and help. It’s a very…strange feeling. Everything moves a little slower, and I try to take a little more time to process and speak. I’m sure there are shorter explanations for this, but I don’t know them. I just hope this lasts until I can deal with this issue at hand and help heal a little pain.
But for now, I better get to sleep. Maybe I can set my intention to start helping her tonight as I sleep. If I can open her up a bit in her sleep, it might make it easier in her waking hours. So much pain…why do people insist on carrying it?
20 November 2007 at 13:26
I know the experience you mean. At various times, sitting in cafes or walking in the city I get this overwhelming sadness for people. I feel pain for them, imagined and unimagined.
20 November 2007 at 17:07
** looks for his foam covered thwacking stick **
You describe your calmness / maybe centering …… (just as your Aikido Teacher probably has been trying to get into your skull, since like day one???) and is a perfect fit… for becoming one with your opponent.. so there is no opponent, etc.
Now, do *you* hold that when doing your Aikido moves?
Is this a place you can go to at any time? Seems like it would pretty darn handy…. for tossing an attacker or re-directing the negative energies of a friend?
20 November 2007 at 17:44
The only way I know to describe the difference is that, centered is a state of no emotion. It’s relaxed, and you know it ‘works’ because, well, you can see it. And actually, you don’t feel it. If you feel something, it’s resistence and that is aikido not working as well.
But this state has a feeling - love. It’s a different state, though there are overlapping characteristics.
21 November 2007 at 15:08
What’s it to you what this friend does? Whether she awakes or not? What’s your attachment to it?
And don’t try to sell me any ideas on being ‘loving’. Lack of even being Accepting and, Tolerant, just the way she is, even as ‘blind’ as she may be, speaks that ‘love’ is not your motive. But controlling her life and what she creates to experience in it, IS.
21 November 2007 at 15:12
You’re not afraid FOR her, you’re afraid OF her. Of her experiencing in her life, something that you don’t know how to emotionally cope with her having, because you’d find it difficult to cope with it yourself, in your own life. As you see it as ‘loving’ for your emotional dependencies to be enabled, so do you perceive it to be ‘loving’ to enable the dependency patterns in others.
21 November 2007 at 15:43
What very large and incorrect assumptions, Sue Ann.
If this were about my control over her life I would have called immediately. I still haven’t called her.
By your same arguments, why do you care if anyone awakens or not? Yet you put forth information to help those who wish to be helped. Right now you have stepped into my path. Why? Why does it matter to you what I do? You see, your argument is a very slippery slope.
I am not attached to the outcome of this. I don’t expect to get anywhere. But I know she’s in a lot of pain. And everyone is running from her because she’s lashing out at them. Maybe I can say something that triggers something and helps her open her eyes. I can’t make her do anything, nor will I try to make her. But who are you to say that I can’t be the message she needs to hear this time around? You can’t and don’t know that. And neither do I. Which is why I’ll see if the words come to me. If they don’t, that’s ok. If they do, then it’s up to her to hear them or not. Either way, I still love her, and I’ll still be here if she needs me.
I’m confident that I’m coming from the right place with this. I’m not confident that you are.