Yesterday Carrie and I got into a big fight. This always happens when she’s manic at some level, which is why it gets so out of control. There’s no reasoning or communicating, and I honestly still don’t know how to not get caught up in it either. But, after a few hours we finally broke through whatever barrier was there to some actual understanding. We both have things to work on, and at least now we understand where each other is coming from. If we can just both remember these things we can avoid this again. I hate these fights. But, we’re much closer again, not due to the fight but the understanding that was finally reached.
I’ve realized once again that I’m not good at remembering to figure out how people take my actions. I’ve made some mistakes recently with the academy. Not with what I did, but how I did it. I have asked some people who I would consider subject matter experts to become involved with planning how to teach things like energy work, reiki, and meditation. But, I didn’t make it clear to everyone involved that this was meant to add to what we have if needed, and even more to develop the higher level courses that have yet to be written. I assumed they could see my intention because they were people I talk to all the time. But, that doesn’t take into account their own issues in their life. I’ve since explained it. I’m glad I asked why people were feeling uneasy though, or I might have missed the chance to fix this early. So, it’s a lesson learned.
Another lesson I’ve been reminded of today is that, if I want to avoid drama and power plays and other conflicts, I have to stop looking at the worst in people and look for the best. Or, look at their higher self more. Then, that’s what I’ll get from them. What’s funny is, there is a certain person in my life that I have been focusing on the worst. Thankfully, after talking to Andrea I was able to reach that higher level of viewing, where I no longer saw the worst in everyone. I went to bed feeling really good friday night. Then Carrie and I got into our fight, so I lost my focus again. But today, I got the reminder to not focus on that lower level stuff. It makes it a lot easier to see situations objectively. It also makes it easier to not be caught up in power plays. If I don’t play, then there can’t be a power play, right? And that came in handy last night and today.
There are so many things to learn, sometimes I wonder how I can learn them all. I don’t mean learn everything, but in order to be a good leader, I need to learn these things about people. I need to learn to avoid these blow ups with Carrie. I need to see when a power play is taking place and to diffuse it rather than get involved. And I need to make decisions that are enacted by taking into account people’s feelings and hard work put in. I know it’s obvious, but remembering it all in a situation isn’t always easy.
What’s funny is that, while I walk a Jedi path, I still find the character of Dumbledore to be an example of the level of mastery I’d like to reach, at least while interacting with people. I know he’s not real, but he has a way of dealing with people where he never loses control, even while everyone around him does. That’s my goal. Last night it felt impossible. Today, it feels like it’s far away, but at least possible. I’m bouncing back in the aftermath of insanity. I just want to avoid that place again and continue moving forward.
