Sexual Harassment?!

We got a call tonight from Holloway, who is being accused of sexual harassment at work by someone who initiated everything and now has just turned on a dime.  It’s pretty shitty, especially when it’s Holloway involved.  She’s the sweetest damn person on the planet, and would never cross the line to inappropriateness.  So of course, it makes you wonder, why?  Why the hell is this girl trying to screw over one of the sweetest people?  Well, Carrie’s best guess is that a boyfriend found out about the text messaging, causing this girl to panic.  So Holloway gets screwed over by a girl she wasn’t interested in to begin with.

But the bigger picture?  Holloway needs to leave Arizona.  She doesn’t have friends there, and her moral is slowly sinking there.  This might be just the thing to get her to leave.  Sarah has offered her place and apparently has a job available for her right away if she were to show up.  The only two places in the world she wants to be is Oregon or Texas.  And quite simply, Texas is too damn hot!  Plus there’s the added bonus of knowing there would be someone to help Sarah out when she’s sick, like she is now.

But, there’s another lesson to be learned here, one that is all mine.  I’ve been struggling with my issues and everything that is unresolved with Holloway.  I know I need to talk to her about this, but I have to figure out exactly what my issues are first.  She’s not going to react well to me trying to figure things out at the same time as trying to resolve them.  Not that many people would.  But tonight, when I found out that she was getting screwed over, I was pissed off.  And if she needed to come here to stay for a while, I would let her.  Without any second thought.  I would put my shit aside until it was appropriate to address.  Because, no matter what issues I have, nothing takes away the deep love I have for her.  I may not understand it, or know what to do about it, but there’s no point in denying or ignoring it.

Can I go to Arizona and kick some stupid girl’s ass? 

When do you know a person?

This is a question that popped into my head after two different situations.  First, in Rosie’s blog she tells of an interaction of a stranger with her son.  The woman asked him if he knew where she knew his mom from.  He took a while and then answered, “You don’t know her, she’s just famous.”  And that speaks volumes.

Then I made a comment about what I’d say when I finally meet Tammy Etheridge.  And this got my thinking more about this topic.  People like myself, Tammy, and many of the blogs on my blogroll all share very personal thoughts in their blogs.  They aren’t writing about news stories, but their own thoughts and opinions, beliefs, struggles, and search for truth.  This makes a blog very personal and intimate at times.  So when we read a blog of this type, especially over a long period of time, we feel like we kinda know the person writing.  Add to this any books a person has written, or tv shows and interviews they’ve done, and it becomes quite an interesting situation.

For instance,  my closest friends rarely, if ever, read my blog.  This includes my wife.  That means that complete strangers (and acquaintances) quite possibly know a lot more about the inner workings of my brain and life than my closest friends and family.  Yet, I would still consider these people my closest friends, even not knowing these aspects of me.  What makes them my closest friends is the connection we share.  That connection that allows years to pass with almost no communication, yet we can pick up where we left off.  That connection that forgives bad moods, silly outbursts, or lack of communication.  It’s a connection made out of pure love, whether we understand what that means or not.  But, I’m off track a bit.

What I really wonder is, what about those that know a ton about us, that we’ve never met?  It seems to me that, there are two different kinds of friends.  There are those that we can hang out with, and those who we can’t.  For instance, online you can get along with someone great, because your personality can be quite different.  There is time to think about a response.  If you don’t feel like talking, you can just go away for a bit without it being an awkward situation.  But if you’re out to dinner with someone, you can’t just walk away until you have something to say!  lol  So I’m hesitent to call some online people my friend because I don’t honestly know if we’d get along offline.

On the flip side, I don’t really know what to say to someone who I’ve known for years perhaps by reading their blog.   I mean, you get to know some really interesting things, yet you’ve never had a conversation.  I can see how hard it must be to learn to be a celebrity that doesn’t want to be an asshole to fans.  The lines are so blurry when you share an intimate part of yourself with the world.  I think sometimes it’s easier to not know anything about a person, because then they truly are just like anyone else.  Too bad I’m horrible when I meet someone for the first time without some sort of context.  Or even with context.  My shyness definitely comes out.  Or I hide.  Something like that.

So that’s why I’m not sure what to say about people like Tammy, who I simply adore.  I know I don’t actually know her, yet I know a bit about her through her writings.  And what I read I really enjoy and feel a connection to.  Carrie has had vivid dreams of working with Melissa in the studio, those type of dreams that are simply a peek into the future, so that’s why I say ‘when I meet’ rather than ‘if I meet’.  I’m working on creating it too. 

To take this a step farther, when I’ve interacted through comments on blogs, I feel like I know those people a bit more.  That if I met them offline we could probably converse without too much trouble.  So it seems to me, the key is interaction.  The more interaction I have with someone, the more I feel like I know them and they know me.  But, none of those people will end up in the close friend and family category without that connection that I feel so strongly to a handful of people in this world.  And that’s ok, because we need all kinds of relationships in life to learn from and enjoy.

Feel free to comment on this, as it’s something I just came up with today.  I’m curious if other people have different ways to look at this.  Or if you’re just someone who lurks and wants to say hi, that’s cool too. 

The Hospital and Random Tidbits

Thank you, Sue Ann, for reminding me that I didn’t update again.  Carrie’s appointment was canceled due to government bureaucracy.  They still have her as pending medicaid (or disability) but she doesn’t have an active application.  In order to submit her application, we need an epilepsy diagnosis, which we can’t get without this test.  It’s a nice circle that may or may not be broken.  I don’t really know how we can fix it right now, since I don’t know how to get in to an appointment once I’m working.  But we’ll see what happens.  It’s kinda bullshit that in order to get an appointment, you have to spend half your day in the office just to make it.  Then, you have to take another half day on the day of the appointment.  Who can afford to do this unless they’re completely unemployed?

Ok, this isn’t helping my mood today at all.  So, I’m going to get ready for my shower, read a comic and then decide what is most important to do this afternoon.  I might finally take down some of the recycling.  It’s going to take 2 trips at least.  lol  But it’s important to get trash out of the house - clutter, recycling, etc.  Then I can finally take pictures of the Heavy bag and try to sell it, and eventually dig out the weight machine and try to sell that.  We don’t use them, and we need the little bit of money it would bring in.  So hopefully I can do that this weekend in between other things, like contract work.  Oh, and my mentor school.  Crap, I should probably do that tonight when the basketball game is over.  Ok, this is turning into stream of consciousness.  And lately, my stream is pretty boring.  But here are some highlights, that I hope to blog about in the future.

- Janel McCarville (New York Liberty post player) amuses me to no end with her hair and her playing style.  She’s absolutely the most improved player of the WNBA.

- Tammy Etheridge amuses and amazes me with the truth she shares on her blog.  I end up laughing pretty much every time I read something she writes.  I just love her, and can’t wait to meet her in the future.  Though I’m sure at first, I’m just going to be all ‘umm….i love your blog’ lol

- Melissa Etheridge’s video for Message to Myself is cute and fun and so damn catching!  I can’t wait for the album at the end of the month.  I’m hoping we have the money to buy it right away, or I just might go insane. 

- Ellis shared a new song this month for those who are Angels (contribute $100 a year to help her out)  It’s a great song called Who Am I.  I listed to it 3 times in a row the first time I heard it.  It’s such a great song!  Too bad she wrote it right after finishing her new album!  I guess that’s why they say, the album is done when you run out of money, not when you run out of songs.  Some people would never finish otherwise.

- In Modern Drummer this month, Niel Peart wrote an article about the new Rush album and I discovered he’s a very funny guy!  I don’t know that I expected that based on his drumming, but now I think I’d really enjoy just hanging out and chatting with him.  Definitely not playing, because I suck using normal standards, and would just be an embarrassment to him.  lol

- You know the song by the Plain White Teas, Hey There Delilah?  I learned that Delilah, while a real person, never dated the guy who wrote the song.  She just inspired it.  It’s really opened my eyes as to how you can write a song that seems to be about real events without it having to be.  And you can be inspired by someone and make up fictional events without the song feeling contrived.  I think this realization will open my creativity up once I can sit down and actually write again!

Ok, I suppose that’s enough for now.   Nope, one more.  Bad Girls is a horribly addicting show, and even though I can’t understand their crazy UK accents half the time, I love to watch it. 

Hectic

Things are kinda crazy lately.  Today I knocked out a contract assignment and then worked on some academy stuff.  I also bought groceries and caught up the dishes.  It’s good to have some of my motivation back.

Tomorrow is basically D Day, as far as jobs are concerned.  I hope to have a phone call by early afternoon, otherwise I’ll be following up on my own.  To distract myself I’m going to do my assignments/tests for mentor school.  Then I can get paid on the 15th and bring in some badly needed cash so we can eat.  Eating is important after all.  lol

I realized today that I’ve got a lot going on.  lol  I have 3 part time jobs:  Tutoring/mentoring, contract software testing, and ACC lab stuff.  Plus I have the academy stuff which is a part time job in itself.  Too bad these together don’t add up to what I need to pay my bills.  So, that means a full time job.  There’s also the added bonus of benefits.  But once I have this full time job, things are going to be fine.  I’ll catch up bills with the part time jobs and then we can save.  It’ll be nice. 

I’m trying to focus on the positive right now, and I actually feel good at the moment, so I’m not going to worry about what’s beyond this weekend.  Because, that is unknown and unknowable perhaps.  So, time to meditate a little, perhaps clean a little, and watch the season 3 premier of bad girls.

Kelly Clarkson - Sober

This is why I love Kelly Clarkson.  Her writing is so underrated.  And her ability to tap into the emotion of a song is just wonderful.  I can listen to this song for hours.

Pictures of me

Since I scanned more pictures the other day, I figure it’s good to share them. Here is a bit of a look into my past. I don’t know if this is interesting or not, but I don’t feel very interesting today and this is about all I can do.

Let’s start with some baby pictures. First is a blurry picture of me and my cousin only a month old.  On the left is my uncle Dave and cousin Jenny, and on the right is my mom and me. (dec 197

Here are some fun pictures of me when I’m one. First, me with my mom’s bra on my head lol (dec 79 I think)

Me and my dad at Christmas 1979

Getting a little older, me with my brother - probably about 2 (summer/early fall 1980)
Me and nate a year older (or so) in our McDonalds sunglasses hehe (81?)

Cleaning saddles (this was fun back then!)

Me at 8 1/2 or so with my best testing award. (1986 or 1987)

Jump to high school and a senior picture (taken 1996)

Boot camp graduation picture (199

Family day at boot camp with Rodriguez (199

New Years with Holloway (I think) 1998/1999

Carrie and My Wedding (2004)

And I think that’s plenty of boring pictures. lol It’s kind of funny to see the transition. But once I left the Corps I think I stayed pretty much the same. So there you go, feel free to laugh heartily. lol

A Channel

Today I spent some time chatting with Falcon, a Shaman who has recently joined us at the Jedi Academy.  We were talking about how I have yet to be able to connect to something like my guide or god or whoever so I can discuss things on a higher level.  So, she asked if she could visit and I guess feel things out.  The first time she found Carrie instead, which isn’t hard to do.  She also met the Staff Sergeant, who I didn’t think to warn about her arrival.  But that worked fine too.

Anyway, once she did connect to me she discovered my wall, which pretty much keeps everything out.  She said that at this point it’s out of control and is hindering my growth.  At some point I’ll need to either take it down myself, or have someone else take it down.  But, to know how  and when I think it’s best to discuss with Chuckma, since he knows what I can handle and what I can’t.  If I were to just lose the wall I’d probably be overwhelmed.  So, Falcon talked to Chuckma and got permission to create a channel between us.  I don’t know if I should talk about what exactly she did, so I’ll just say that we now have a tool that will maintain this channel for a few years, and by then I should be able to keep the channel open on my own.  So now I’m going to experiment and work on reaching a trance type state and work on hearing him.  At least I know this is possible, since I’ve heard other people’s voices before.

She also mentioned that I have “all the earmarks of a potential Shaman, without those barriers, and no knowledge of how to control your abilities.”  That makes me wonder what I could do without these barriers.  And what are the earmarks of a potential shaman?  Unfortunately, she was pretty tired after all that so I haven’t had the chance to ask about this.  I also wonder if I’m able to move past my fears enough to even consider training to be a Shaman.  In any case, it was interesting. 

Wonderpets

And to balance out that previous post, the Wonder Pets are the funniest damn things ever!  Christi played it when we were babysitting and I just cracked up.  It’s one of the better kids shows out there, and Shayla loves it too.  There are some videos up on nickjr.com.  This makes me giggle so much.  hahaahahahahahaahahhaahahahahahaha

FYI

My wolf is never on a chain. It’s a well trained wolf that is pretty darn mellow unless provoked by something truly important. For instance, my wife’s health. Endanger my wife and rest assured my wolf will no longer be nice. However, as a well trained wolf it gives a warning nip before anything, providing the chance for redemption. Pay attention to that nip, as neither of us wants to see what happens when my wolf goes on the attack.

Today, my wolf almost broke training. Almost. Because my wife’s health (and mine) were endangered by ignorance, carelessness, and self-centeredness. Thankfully a friend helped me maintain perspective, thus keeping the wolf in line. But don’t worry, the nip is still coming because the lesson must be learned. When a mother wolf nips her cub for doing something stupid it isn’t to make the mother feel better, but to teach the cub. And a cub needs to learn something very important.

Wolves are pack animals and will do pretty much anything to protect their pack. Even the mellow wolves. And even the trained wolves. They don’t stop being wolves.  So don’t mess with a wolf’s pack.

Job Opportunity 2

I’ve been doing anything I can think of to figure out how to make this job decision. I’ve tried tarot readings, meditation, asking for guidance in my dreams…which failed. There’s really no way out of making a decision is there? lol

So, my plan last night was to either dream about teaching a class if I were supposed to take this teaching position, or to dream about gathering rocks and such if I were meant to get this geotechnical position. Well…I dreamt about sitting in a classroom to learn. Not quite what I was looking for there. And the rocks weren’t very clear either. (I’ll put the dreams in a cut later) So, I woke up still confused. But, I did come to the realization that I want to work with rocks. I want to do the geotechnical thing. Yes, I start at the ground level learning the difference between sand and clay for instance, but I can work my way up. And, I learn everything I need to know and don’t come in needing to learn things I should already know.

I had only this week applied to a geotechnical position, and often there is a bit of turnaround that is later than I need in order to decide on the teaching position. So, I decided to call the company after checking if Carrie thought it was a good idea. The local person told me to call corporate. I left a message, and she called right as I was getting out of the shower. I explained that I’d prefer this position, but I need to know if it’s even an option. We talked for a while and she said she would call the local manager for me to maybe push things along. I had assumed I would hear back on monday.
Once again, I decided to let things go (as I had by showering) and just when I was to sit down to meditate the phone rings! It was the manager, and I tried to convince him that yes, this is something I want to do even though I’ve done physics. I convinced him enough as I have an interview with him and the lead technician on monday at 10:30. Hooray! This really is what I want to do…at least until I do it. I know I’ll be outside a lot, and it’s damn hot here. But we’re also coming into fall soon. That means I’ll do most of my training during the cooler months. He also mentioned if I wanted to move up I’d need to take some graduate classes at UT, which I’m totally into. If someone else is paying for me to take a class, I don’t mind at all. Plus, they’re directly applicable to my job, which is also good.

So, I’m really hoping monday goes well. I need to figure out how much I’m worth, as I know I’m more valuable than a high school graduate. But, I still don’t have experience. I think if I review the identification of rocks and minerals and learn some things from the geotechnical book I can make a better case for myself. Let’s hope!

And now, the dreams I remember.