Ok, I give
31 May 2007 — butchjaxI have gotten numerous comments over the past week or so, all commenting on my spiritual life story. This is out of the ordinary, considering how infrequently I get comments. There is a common theme to them, somewhat. So…I should probably start paying attention.
Lately I’ve been focusing on very basic things. I need a full time job so I can support us beyond the next few months. I don’t think my loans will be as large as I expected, and my job is only paying half of what it costs to live each month. This causes me to start worrying about the future. I spend hours looking for jobs on careerbuilder, craigs list, the local paper, individual company websites, basically anything I can come across. In the end, I have only applied to 4 places so far. The ones I applied to over the past few days I’m really hopeful about. But right now it feels like nothing is moving again. I’m starting to get that feeling of fear in my gut again, which I haven’t felt in a long time.
In other words, I’ve gotten bogged down. I’m slipping into old habits that are not useful at all anymore. I’m unsure of what to do and can’t plan anything right now. And while I’ve sort of tried to shift my focus to something more positive and productive, I think I’ve forgotten how!
So what is the message I’m going to take from all of these comments? Perhaps a reminder to shift out of this lower level focus and look higher. I should also stop focusing on all of this and remember to look at spiritual things too. I have all the tools, but since I’ve lost focus they’re starting to gather dust. And dusty non-physical tools are very strange to imagine!
It’s time to wipe off the dust, start digging through the pile, and figure out what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself. I have already made myself a reminder list of what it is I’m manifesting (a full time job, with good pay and benefits), along with a reminder to allow it to happen, without resistence. In addition I ask for help if I am on the wrong path, to tell me. Also, make this job obvious so I don’t miss applying for it! So this helps me focus before I go to bed. But what else?
I’m listening to the Suze Orman Women and Money cd that my mom sent me. It’s helping me focus on valuing myself and my skills. I lack so much confidence going into this job hunt, I don’t know how I could get a job! It’s particularly hard because I thought I did well in my interview for ARL before and then didn’t get the job. Yet I continue to apply there, in that same department and now a different one, because it fits my needs.
Ok, I got completely and utterly distracted by tutoring and being called a cunt by a student who was too confused to figure out what their picture was. So, I’ll continue this discussion tomorrow. 
1 June 2007 at 05:34
Most of us have been taught a pattern in our thinking. This pattern has us feeling, then looking around outside of ourselves for reasons why we feel the way we do. This is often in error.
Every single one of us are aware of a whole lot more then we give ourselves credit for. We’re usually taught from a young age to filter many of these levels of awareness out of our conscious recognition. With that said, I really don’t think what you’re feeling has anything to do with the reasons you mentioned. I suspect you’d be feeling the same feelings no matter what you’re personal life looked like right now. Because what’s going on outside of you is not the cause of why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. You’re feelings are the same as mine, the same as everybody else’s…the product of peptides produced by our hypothalumus.
Could you possibly be aware of a lot more then you recognize on an intuitive level and your feelings have to do with what you’re sensing there? This is a time of cycles within cycles within cycles. Why, this evening alone is the crest of one shift. It’s like a high tide of feelings. The purpose is to reset our clocks, so to speak, to be synchronized. Starting in June, we will have a new moon, followed by a full moon. Beginnings at the beginning of the month, with fullness towards the end. We’ve been backwards. These kind of gravitational field shifts have effects. Especially on water, which we’re 99% of.
We’re also in a shift of beginnings. It’s like we’re closing chapters of our lives and getting ready to begin new ones. New jobs, new paths, new adventures, new discoveries.
If you think about it, excitement feels a lot like fear. The only difference is, whether you’re looking forward to something positive or something negative. I also mention that there is a big diference between the unknown and the unknowable when it comes to how we see out futures.
My future might not be all planned out, as a matter of fact, it isn’t but, I don’t doubt when I get there, I’ll be capable of knowing it. I’m no dummy. Ding-a-ling, yes. Dummy, no.
And since I mentioned it, ‘planning’ is something even my husband has been having troubles not doing. It goes against his grain, yet, he has me saying ‘now is not the time to use force of any kind.’ Force hasn’t been an effective tool for at least the past year. This includes any kind of force, including and especially, mental.
‘Planning’ is a way we reach out and seize. Where we are ‘in control’. Like all other means and techniques of mental force, such as meditation and visualization, it isn’t working anymore. Experiences such as ‘bogged down’ are results of its dysfuntion at this time. Any use of force is resulting in the creation of resistance and obstacles.
Try using your imagination instead. Activate your creativity, that is the ‘new paradigm’. Imagine where you’d like to be, what kind of job, what kind of feelings and enjoyable experiences you’d like to have. Don’t imagine what you need, imagine what you would enjoy.
And it will come to you. For you will be using your imagination to love yourself and this love with magnetize that experience to you. You will reap what you sow. You will receive what you ask for. Just like we all do but just don’t know it.
Send me your birth date by email if you’d like to have some fun. I truly suspect where you’ve thought ill of yourself, you’re spiritual path has an opportunity for you to experience ‘wholeness’, being a complete person, within your lifetime.
2 June 2007 at 13:29
I read this earlier, but haven’ t had time to respond. I think what is difficult is knowing I need not push, yet I can’t stop myself either! I’ve started bringing in tools to consciously manifest, which is what my nightly reminder note is for. I forgot to put the most important thing in my blog that is on the paper, to have a job that involves doing something interesting. I have no desire for a job that will be boring and drag me down. That is probably why so few jobs are coming my way in general, because I don’t want to waste my time with them. I have no problem with having only one job interview and it being the perfect job. It’s what I did with grad school after all.
So while I know all of these things, it’s important to have someone around to remind you of what you need to do. Usually I’m the person doing the reminding, which is why it helps to help others, but sometimes it still doesn’t come into my awareness without someone like you being explicite with what I need to do.
Thank you.
7 June 2007 at 03:04
I admit it.. I’m a slacker. I play an online game late at night and on into the wee hours. It satisfies my urge to be that knight in armor, saving folks from the monsters (which this one does).
Why mention this? Instead of the canned music the game offers, I switch to iTunes (ya, I’m on a Mac) and go to the online radio selections. I listen to a station called ‘New Dimensions’. Each week, it has four one-hour programs that talk with various authors, gurus, practitioners, spiritual seekers. Earlier this week (or was it last?), was a broadcast where they spoke with a woman who was giving ‘how to land jobs’ advice… except she covered it as to resumes, cover letters,…. and how we tend to approach jobs/interviews, etc.
Most people are ‘transmitting’ panic and ‘want’ because the bills are coming due, expectations are low, etc. Instead, she offered that you need to ‘act’ (not only visualize ‘THE job’ but get yourself practiced in ‘FEELING’ as if you have the job locked)… part of the whole ‘creating your own reality’ push.
I agreed with most of the talk — I know I’m not ‘feeling’ most of the time when I’m making resumes and going out for interviews. I dread the whole process… because I’ve had to do it so many times. So, I figure one of these days, I need to shuck the armor and ‘do’ the whole ‘positive emotions/positive visualizing/feeling the future like it’s a done deal’ thing and see how it turns out.
It also helps to sort of have a few ‘I’d like that job’ options to shoot for… AND a good idea of how much you’d like to bring in… since the Universe gets all stupid if you say “… darn it, I just want a job…” It tends to ‘give’ you a job.. not the one you would prefer; not the one that you would enjoy doing — but a ‘job’.
Get your positive mojo working, kiddo.
“See” yourself with the job you really want… and making great bucks!
For more advice… see me in between battles, polishing my armor.