It hit.

I miss Henry terribly now.  This morning was the funeral.  It was small, but it was nice.  I learned some things, but mostly tried to not cry too much.  I lost it pretty bad when I went to thank the Marines and Sailer who were there to fold the flag and play taps.  I thanked them for coming and then said that I had done this before when my A school instructor’s father died, so it was wierd to be on this end.  I guess I talked too much because there was no way to hold it together.

The speaker talked a lot about all verses Henry had highlighted in his bible.  There were some to pray everyday, and some to pray every other day.  The funniest was the verse about Honor your father and mother.  Lol  I bet he highlighted that after a frustrating day with the boys.

The Marines did the indoor version of military honors since rifles weren’t allowed to be fired in the city.  It was still interesting.  I cried but stayed at attention until they were done.  What’s wierd is that I was a lot better until they put the casket down and draped the flag completely over the casket.  Then it became different somehow.  The mind must make different associations subconsciously I guess.

Afterwards we hung around for a while until Holloway called with the moneygram reference number.  Then we ran home quick so I could change out of my clothes.  Unfortunately I haven’t lost any weight so they were a bit uncomfortable.  Then it was a drive to Banana Bay Trading Company to buy the flag display case for Henry’s flag.  I know they could have afforded it themselves, but we really wanted to do this for them.  It’s not like flowers would be very useful, and this is a Marine thing.

After a short reception at Dina’s mexican restaurant for brisket, beans and rice, we needed to get some sleep.  Suprisingly I slept for about an hour at a time, but after waking up that first time I realized that I missed Henry a lot.  Maybe it’s because today made it all real.  Or maybe he has been around lately and chose today to leave to finish what he has to do on the other side.  But for the first time I really feel his loss.  Realistically he’s been gone for around a month since he went into surgery, so it’s not just the loss of a few days.  And soon, everyone will be gone.  Henry Jr leaves in a week or so.  Chris will be around for around a month to tie up all the loose ends.  But then, that’ll probably be the last time we see anyone.  And Henry will truly be gone from our lives, except for the memories.  I don’t think I’m ready for that, though I don’t have a choice in the matter.

This is life.  As the pastor said, Henry’s been deployed.  He’s received his orders and has been deployed to Heaven.  I wish I could trick myself into thinking of it completely like that.  Instead I’ll have to wait for it to pass naturally.  I don’t mourn for him at all.  He’s home now.  I’m just sad for my loss, and Carrie’s loss.  He made us feel at home when we’re so far away from our family.  But maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  Love and support makes you weak!  I’m totally kidding about that.  But if we don’t have as much sense of home here, it will motivate us to work so we can move away from here and build a life finally in Washington.  There we’ll be within a half day’s drive or so to many of our friends, and an easy flight to the rest of the country.

The worst part of today is that it’s Chris’s birthday.  No one should have to go to their father’s funeral on their birthday.  But Carrie got things to make a cake so we’ll probably do that for later in the week.   Poor guy.