Ok, I give

I have gotten numerous comments over the past week or so, all commenting on my spiritual life story.  This is out of the ordinary, considering how infrequently I get comments.  There is a common theme to them, somewhat.  So…I should probably start paying attention.

Lately I’ve been focusing on very basic things.  I need a full time job so I can support us beyond the next few months.  I don’t think my loans will be as large as I expected, and my job is only paying half of what it costs to live each month.  This causes me to start worrying about the future.  I spend hours looking for jobs on careerbuilder, craigs list, the local paper, individual company websites, basically anything I can come across.  In the end, I have only applied to 4 places so far.  The ones I applied to over the past few days I’m really hopeful about.  But right now it feels like nothing is moving again.  I’m starting to get that feeling of fear in my gut again, which I haven’t felt in a long time.
In other words, I’ve gotten bogged down.   I’m slipping into old habits that are not useful at all anymore.  I’m unsure of what to do and can’t plan anything right now.  And while I’ve sort of tried to shift my focus to something more positive and productive, I think I’ve forgotten how!

So what is the message I’m going to take from all of these comments?  Perhaps a reminder to shift out of this lower level focus and look higher.   I should also stop focusing on all of this and remember to look at spiritual things too.  I have all the tools, but since I’ve lost focus they’re starting to gather dust.  And dusty non-physical tools are very strange to imagine!

It’s time to wipe off the dust, start digging through the pile, and figure out what I’m supposed to be doing to help myself.  I have already made myself a reminder list of what it is I’m manifesting (a full time job, with good pay and benefits), along with a reminder to allow it to happen, without resistence.  In addition I ask for help if I am on the wrong path, to tell me.  Also, make this job obvious so I don’t miss applying for it!  So this helps me focus before I go to bed.  But what else?

I’m listening to the Suze Orman Women and Money cd that my mom sent me.  It’s helping me focus on valuing myself and my skills.   I lack so much confidence going into this job hunt, I don’t know how I could get a job!  It’s particularly hard because I thought I did well in my interview for ARL before and then didn’t get the job.  Yet I continue to apply there, in that same department and now a different one, because it fits my needs.

Ok, I got completely and utterly distracted by tutoring and being called a cunt by a student who was too confused to figure out what their picture was.  So, I’ll continue this discussion tomorrow. 

Severe insomnia

I found a useful blog post on someone’s experience with severe insomnia.  I don’t know that it will help as much as it helped them, but it’s worth a shot.  I’m going to try to get Carrie to take the Emergen-c packets twice a day, plus the vitamin B, and cut down a bit on her sugar.  Hopefully this will start to help her.  I’m also going to talk to my friend who is doing her supervised clinic hours for acupuncture.  Maybe her instructors and her can find an energy solution to aid in this process.

But now I’m sleepy and should get ready for bed.

A rant (strong language)

I want an answer.  Why the fuck can’t anyone give us an answer?  How can all these pills and meditation and crystals not make carrie sleep?  What’s so damn hard about this?

I’m yelling fuck you at the universe, I guess.  I don’t even know who I’m mad at.  I’m just so fucking sick of all of this.  I’ve been waiting months, if not years, and it feels like we’re still getting nowhere with the most crucial areas of all!  What’s right about that?  How can this be so complicated?  It’s just sleep!  How can this continue to keep happening, and why won’t anyone fucking help?  Fuck you, anyone who can help and doesn’t.  This is all a bunch of bullshit.  Who decided this was a good idea to let Carrie go through?  Really, who decided this was ok?  Because it’s not.  It’s just stupid.

Holy Energy Shift!

Yesterday was a new day.  I discovered that taking 360 to work is a beautiful and relatively smooth drive.  Even on the way home at 5pm it was smooth sailing until the final few miles.  I was able to stay pretty calm until almost home when I got pissed off a bus.  So a very nice day overall. 

Last night I found myself singing and humming random songs.  I particularly enjoyed Shall We Dance from the King and I, which is one of my favorite musicals.   I can’t remember the others, but they were equally as random.  I didn’t get very pissed off at students tutoring either.  And I wrote notes on two whole pages of a very not fun paper for my research. 
Then I received an email and it made sense.  There was another energy shift, and this time I shifted well with it apparently!  When I went to bed, I was still full of great feeling energy.  This was a dilemna since I had to wake up early in the morning.  I grabbed my aragonite and held it over my middle dantien.  Talk about powerful!  I felt like I was lined up.  I’m not sure how to describe it, but I felt like I was long and thing, like a 2×4 or something.  Not quite that thin, but almost.  Or, as if I was a 2 dimensional object existing only in the y-z plane (where my feet pointed in the z direction).  Out of curiosity, I looked at the crystal to see if that lined up with the biggest faces of the crystal and was suprised to find it didn’t.  So I placed it back down and played a little.  When I rotated to crystal, the line that I was appeared to move the same amount.  It was very odd, but also very cool. 

The best part was that, after a few minutes of deep breathing, I was ready to drift to sleep.  I don’t think I’ve ever calmed down that fast from such high energy.  Today I still feel wonderful!  It’s my favorite weather outside.  It’s a little cool, but not chilling.  There is a mist and fog in the air.  It feels magical to me, like I want to go into a field and frolic! 

I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m enjoying it.  Granted, last night I had a very odd dream that involved someone dying, but I don’t remember the context.  It shook me for a bit when I woke up, but I’m not actually worried now, just confused.  This morning I also had a dream about softball.  Towards the end I think Apolo Anton Ohno was in it and trying to pitch or something.  Very odd, but there was a lot of fun too.  Tunnels and such as part of the game.  At least no one died!  lol

It hit.

I miss Henry terribly now.  This morning was the funeral.  It was small, but it was nice.  I learned some things, but mostly tried to not cry too much.  I lost it pretty bad when I went to thank the Marines and Sailer who were there to fold the flag and play taps.  I thanked them for coming and then said that I had done this before when my A school instructor’s father died, so it was wierd to be on this end.  I guess I talked too much because there was no way to hold it together.

The speaker talked a lot about all verses Henry had highlighted in his bible.  There were some to pray everyday, and some to pray every other day.  The funniest was the verse about Honor your father and mother.  Lol  I bet he highlighted that after a frustrating day with the boys.

The Marines did the indoor version of military honors since rifles weren’t allowed to be fired in the city.  It was still interesting.  I cried but stayed at attention until they were done.  What’s wierd is that I was a lot better until they put the casket down and draped the flag completely over the casket.  Then it became different somehow.  The mind must make different associations subconsciously I guess.

Afterwards we hung around for a while until Holloway called with the moneygram reference number.  Then we ran home quick so I could change out of my clothes.  Unfortunately I haven’t lost any weight so they were a bit uncomfortable.  Then it was a drive to Banana Bay Trading Company to buy the flag display case for Henry’s flag.  I know they could have afforded it themselves, but we really wanted to do this for them.  It’s not like flowers would be very useful, and this is a Marine thing.

After a short reception at Dina’s mexican restaurant for brisket, beans and rice, we needed to get some sleep.  Suprisingly I slept for about an hour at a time, but after waking up that first time I realized that I missed Henry a lot.  Maybe it’s because today made it all real.  Or maybe he has been around lately and chose today to leave to finish what he has to do on the other side.  But for the first time I really feel his loss.  Realistically he’s been gone for around a month since he went into surgery, so it’s not just the loss of a few days.  And soon, everyone will be gone.  Henry Jr leaves in a week or so.  Chris will be around for around a month to tie up all the loose ends.  But then, that’ll probably be the last time we see anyone.  And Henry will truly be gone from our lives, except for the memories.  I don’t think I’m ready for that, though I don’t have a choice in the matter.

This is life.  As the pastor said, Henry’s been deployed.  He’s received his orders and has been deployed to Heaven.  I wish I could trick myself into thinking of it completely like that.  Instead I’ll have to wait for it to pass naturally.  I don’t mourn for him at all.  He’s home now.  I’m just sad for my loss, and Carrie’s loss.  He made us feel at home when we’re so far away from our family.  But maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  Love and support makes you weak!  I’m totally kidding about that.  But if we don’t have as much sense of home here, it will motivate us to work so we can move away from here and build a life finally in Washington.  There we’ll be within a half day’s drive or so to many of our friends, and an easy flight to the rest of the country.

The worst part of today is that it’s Chris’s birthday.  No one should have to go to their father’s funeral on their birthday.  But Carrie got things to make a cake so we’ll probably do that for later in the week.   Poor guy.

Henry Moncada, Sr. 1947-2007

Our neighbor Henry died yesterday morning. He was only 59 years old. Here is a link to his obituary/memorial and guestbook. I was the first person to sign the guestbook, and this is what I wrote.

Henry was the best part of living in our apartment. He would greet me in the morning on the way to school and when I came home in the evening. It made this place feel like home, even though my family is thousands of miles away.

I also enjoyed our occasional chats that came far too infrequently due to my busy schedule. But I always had someone to talk to the Marine Corps with when Henry was around.

I know my wife enjoyed hearing his stories of Vietnam. Being around him made her feel a bit more at home also. He never failed to make you feel welcome.

He’s going to be severely missed. I don’t have any desire to stay here without Henry here. I can’t imagine having any other neighbor living below us. I think we might have to buy out our lease once we have the money. This place just isn’t the same with out him.

Or Mama, because she’s the sweetest cat ever. They were quite the pair. But I know Henry’s gone to someplace better and is having a blast. And Mama will still have a good home.

You’ll be missed Henry.

Jobs and Birthdays

Last week I got a job.  It’s a part time position at the local community college.  My job is to basically sit in the lab supply room and hand out equipment when labs are starting, and then put the equipment away at the end of the lab.  The rest of the time is mine to do with as I please.  This means writing my thesis primarily, especially since I have taken a week and a half off of writing.  I’d like to say I was cleaning the house, but that only happened sporadically.  So this job will provide desperately needed structure.  The commute will be horrible in the morning, taking about an hour to go 25 miles, but I’m off around 2 which means an easy drive home.  I expect to work between 25 and 30 hours a week.  That will pay most of our bills each month, with my student loans paying for the rest of our living expenses until I get a full time job.

My brother’s birthday was thursday.  He mentioned wanting a mixer, and since my mom didn’t know what to get him, I suggested we go in together.  We ended up finding a mixer that also had effects.  It was a good deal, and will give him tons of things to play with once he figures out how to hook it up to his little 4 track recorder.  And since he plays noise music, the effects will be really useful.  I also bought him Daredevil #80 since he mentioned wanting that.  But he had no clue he was getting this mixer, so I feel very good.  It’s nice to give people gifts that they don’t expect and that they enjoy.

Speaking of gifts, one friend offered up the most valuable of gifts - her uterus to be a surrogate mother if Carrie wasn’t well enough to conceive when we wanted children.  I’m not going to go into details because it’s just between us, but it was very sweet of her.  I don’t expect us doing it, but the offer is appreciated.

Sarah wants to have Christmas at her new house this year with her friends.  However, she has some crazy idea of not having gifts.  What?!  Lol, it’s not Christmas without gifts.  There will totally be gifts, though not expensive gifts.  I’m not exactly sure how this will all work out, but we’ll be there.  I’m sure she doesn’t want to have her first Christmas in her new house without other people there.  That would be a bit sad.  And hey, in Oregon we’re guaranteed a white Christmas right?! 

The FDA wants to taint organic food - contact by May 22

Short, [Not At All] Sweet and Urgent

Health and health freedom, like liberty, require constant vigilance. And activism. Now is the time. Again.

The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), like the FDA, continues to slash away at clean, healthy food, and this time the public comment period has been reduced to an absurd 7 days.

Under the USDA proposal, thirty eight new “ingredients” will be added to the National List. Only products which have been added to that list may be added to organic products and do not have to be noted on the label.

These changes were announced recently and the public comment period was limited to a totally irresponsible 7 days! That period ends May 22, 2007.

I just got home from international traveling (attending a Codex meeting in Canada and lecturing in Sana Fe) not too many hours ago and found this information in my email in box. I knew that you would want to take action on this right away. Although the time is very short, it is a matter of health importance to you and your family to defend your food supply from the dangerous USDA.

USDA Wants More Non-Organic Ingredients in “Organic” Foods

The USDA serves its food industry masters very well.  The drug companies have embarked on a global campaign to degrade food quality. It’s name is Codex Alimentarius. Like the drug companies, the Agribiz  realizes that the worse the quality of your food supply, the more money they make and the thinner your margin between optimal health and illness.  Their partners in this tragedy are the drug companies who know full well that the worse your food, the better customer you will be for drugs, chemotherapy and other highly profitable ways of managing illness which is, after all, their business.

Codex is a drug initiative (recently endorsed by the Indian drug makers association, for example) and the FDA, which increasingly acts as if it were a marketing arm for Big Pharma, declared decades ago (October 11, 1995, to be exact) that it will give preference to Codex standards over American ones. Codex has degraded Organic standards and the USDA is following right along. You can read the changes for yourself in the National Organic Products list at http://thefederalregister.com/d.p/2007-05-15-07-2388 .

Is This What You Mean By “Organic”?

Although the Agribiz (including beer) companies (which so often violate organic regulations) have been given months to lobby for the changes in these proposed regulations. By contrast, the general public has been given 7 days. These changes will, like Codex, degrade your food and eliminate your right to know what is in that food. (The US, by the way, consistently points out in Codex meetings that Consumers’ Right to Know issues have no place within the Codex context although one of Codex’ three mandates is to protect the health of consumers.)

Among the Big Agribiz friendly changes:

• Conventional hops (sprayed with pesticides, treated with herbicides and even, perhaps, genetically modified will be allowed in “organic” beer. Anheuser-Busch is reported to be lobbying hard for this one, by the way.
• Conventionally raised animals (treated with antibiotics, growth hormones, fed genetically modified feed, concrete, newspapers, chicken parts and bones, slaughter house waste, etc., and subject to mad cow disease (as organic herds are not) will provide their intestines for “organic” sausage casings.
• Fish oil (a wonderful dietary supplement) which has never been characterized or standardized would be permitted, allowing sub-standard oils from farm raised, chemical laced, cancer-ridden fish or poorly processed, mercury rich oils from ocean-dwelling fish would be added without further purity requirements.  All fish oils are definitely not created equal. The proposed standards makes them that way, however.
  
• Food colorings which may have synthetic, genetically modified, chemical or allergenic components will be permitted.
• Ingredients like organic Lemon grass, Rice Starch, Beet Juice & Whey Protein Concentrate are available in sufficient quantities to allow stipulation that only organic grades be permitted. The new regulations allow non-organic ingredients to be used without label notification despite the availability of these organic ingredients.
  

Action Steps To

Protect Organic Standards — and Your Health

Step 1. Send your public comment letter to the USDA by clicking here (http://www.democracyinaction.org/dia/organizationsORG/healthfreedomusa/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=11431) to the USDA. Please do not delay. The Public Comment Period ends May 22.

Step 2. Notify your entire circle of influence that the UADA has once again threatened their health and their health freedom and ask them to use the link provided to send their comments. Send a brief introduction in your own words and forward this email to our contacts.

Step 3. Ask your contacts to notify THEIR contacts of the urgency of this request.

Step 4. If you or your contacts are not already on the mailing list for future Health Alerts, Please sign up on our home page, www.HealthFreedomUSA.org and urge your contacts to do so, too.

Step 5. The Natural Solutions Foundation believes so strongly in the importance of clean, bio-available and health products that we have a store devoted to exactly that: Organic supplements and personal care products. Please visit www.organics4U.org (www.organics4U.org ) and support your health and your health freedom at the same time. Remember, your purchases support your health and the portion of your purchase that supports the Natural Solutions Foundation is tax exempt.  When you make a purchase you receive an email documenting the amount of your purchase which is a donation. Next year at tax time, that amount may be deducted as a donation!

Thanks for your activism! This is a long-haul battle and we need to keep fighting it whenever the attack comes!

Yours in health and freedom,

Rima E. Laibow, MD

Medical Director

Natural Solutions Foundation

www.HealthFreedomUSA.org

Henry update

There are other things I need to talk about, but this gets priority.  On our way out Henry’s son told us that he isn’t doing well.  Something happened, perhaps a stroke, and now he has no brain function.  They expect him to pass on in a few days.  So now the three of them are going through his cell phone and address book to let people know.  Carrie was thinking and told them to contact the VA because they’ll be able to help guide them through this process.

I don’t know if they’ll want to try to get him into some dress blues.  If so I want to go to Banana Bay Trading Company to help with that.  I have a lot of questions right now, but I’ll wait to ask because they probably don’t have answers anyway.  Henry has the sweetest cat that I hope one of them takes with them.  We’d take her but we already have 2 and can’t take more.  But she’s so sweet.

I’m sad.  I mean, it’s ok, but it’s still sad.  But it’s life.  I’m glad we didn’t move at the end of our lease now because we wouldn’t have known about this and met his kids.  Now we can be involved in whatever way they need us to be, and hopefully get to go to his funeral.

Though I suppose there’s still a slim chance of recovery.

The End of Graduate School

Today I took my last final exam of graduate school.  Not only is it a relief, I did pretty well on it.  So I don’t have to worry about how my grade will turn out.  This leaves just one thing left on my list of things to do to graduate:  Write Thesis.

That’s it.  One thing.  One long thing, but one thing.  It’s crazy!

Granted, I have plenty of things on my ‘other’ list.  I do need to do final grades for my other class.  I need to start applying to other jobs.  And I need to return to meditating and music and all those things that feed my soul and reduce stress so I’m not an ass.

I’m too tired to really enjoy this right now.  Hopefully tomorrow it will sink in.  After some sleep.  There better be sleep!