Sleep Paralysis Experience

The other day, I experienced another bout of sleep paralysis.  This time was different though, because I could see around me.  Perhaps it was a dream that shifted to something else.  I was in a town, and I think Carrie was there, because I could hear her voice, but I didn’t see her.  She said something about a voice, or something coming, I don’t remember exactly.  And I looked over and saw a fog building, but localized, like they use on tv shows when things apparate for instance, or disappear.  I decide I don’t want to find out what that is, and start running.  I notice that there are medium sized trees along the street, like a newer subdivision, though I don’t see houses.  At this point my awareness shifts and I’m trying to get my body to wake up.  I was able to consciously try to relax a bit, and not ‘panic’ to get back to my body, but that didn’t last long.  I’d like to get to the point where if I notice sleep paralysis, I can calmly find my way back, rather than it being an ordeal.  I don’t want it to add trauma to the astral experience, hindering my ability to do it consciously later.  But I think it’s ok, because I don’t wake up scared, and I’m not overly frightened during this experience.

Anyway, eventually I get back to my body.  As I’m lying there, I have this visual of a person, who I thought was carrie even though they don’t physically look like her.  There are points of bright white light at her head, hands, and feet, and perhaps stomach.  Seeing that I think, maybe that will help me.  As soon as I think about it, I feel my body get warm, and I know that my body has left.  Very shortly  after, I ‘hear’ this sound, what I imagine it would sound like for a rabbit to run thundering past my pillow.  Then I feel this rush, as if the rabbit ran into the back of my head.  So I believe I had my first conscious re-entry at least.  It was very intense, and it took a bit to catch my breath after it happened.  The sound I heard was also interesting, coming from in my head rather than my ears.

Balance

I guess it’s been a few days.  The past few days have been a struggle to adapt to my normal schedule again.  I’ll be heading to bed soon in fact, which will hopefully help.

A few interesting things have been lining up lately.  I’ll do my best to summarize.

Over spring break I caught up on my light reading with two Star Wars books.  They were interesting enough, but they also helped return some focus to the offline Jedi realism community.  And once again I had that feeling where I knew this could all happen; we can become Jedi, however we happen to define that.  This rejuvinated me a bit, causing me to instant message a few people I hadn’t chatted with in a while.  During this time period, Inari did what she had to and resigned as principle of the Jedi Academy.  She’s been carrying the load far to long and needs to focus on other things before she completely burns out.  In addition to the resignation there was the realization that the online system isn’t working well.  People have been thinking, but we weren’t getting anywhere.  Then I had a flash of understanding and was able to find a solution to at least buy us time to find a long term solution.  Basically it gets us through the next two terms so we can really brainstorm at the gathering and see what we come up with.  I believe it can work, but we need to take our time and not panic.

Paralleling this, I realized that I need to really find balance.  I need to manage my time better, and I need to become better organized.  This will be crucial in future jobs and for this semester now that I’m relatively caught up.  Thankfully, my mom sent me the first half of the living the art of allowing cd’s (abraham – hicks) and I’ve been listening to that.  This is allowing me to focus more on what I want and make it happen.

I’m being pretty vague I realize, but I’m tired.  The point is that everything is very interconnected right now, in a way that isn’t easy to describe.  As long as I’m moving forward, I don’t need to explain it though. 

In addition, I learned that my 10 year high school reunion is August 11.  I will probably go, unless work makes that impossible.  I wouldn’t, but my mom’s 50th birthday is July 31 and I want to see her.

Well, I’m not going to fight this sleepiness, so it’s time for bed.  I hope everyone is doing well. 

Pictures

I finally uploaded pictures so I can share them. First, a picture of Shayla and Christi on Wednesday, which makes Shayla 2 1/2 weeks old.

She’s the prettiest and sweetest darn baby ever! lol

This picture is the view from Sarah’s house. I can see how Oregon can be addicting!

This is Sarah’s dog, Princess. She’s the most well behaved animal I’ve ever met. Very smart dog.

Here’s a picture of Monkey on the cat house we bought for Blas, who is a much smaller cat. He insists on fitting though!

So there’s a picture update of things that went on. I took pictures of Sarah, but on her camera. I also have some video, but haven’t dealt with that yet. But all in time. Probably this summer! hahaha Too much to do.

Getting stuck

This hasn’t happened in a while.  Last night, before I went to bed I set my intention to go visit Sarah.  I was curious if it would work because Carrie’s been doing it a lot lately.  However, all I remember is waking up but being unable to wake up.  Twice I was stuck in some vast blackness, trying to scream or move or anything to wake my body up.  It didn’t work.  Eventually I wake up, but certainly not quickly.  I went back to sleep, partly because I was tired and partly because I realized I wasn’t scared where I was, except by being ‘lost’.  However, the second time I was stuck even worse!  I decided tonight was not a good night to travel.  I curled in closer to Carrie, hoping she would ground me, and then went back to sleep.

I’m really confused as to why this happens.  Do I lose my way?  Perhaps I’m not focused enough and just end up nowhere?  Or do I get scared even for a moment, which triggers something in my mind, bringing my awareness to wherever I am?  I have no clue.  Unfortunately I haven’t learned to control my reaction fast enough to calm down and see where I am.  At least last night I wasn’t scared by something, that always makes it worse.

Maybe addressing this issue consciously will allow me to understand it more.  Who knows?

Itty Bitty Titty Committee

This movie was well worth the wait.  We stood in line for an hour because the previous movie went long with it’s q and a.  While waiting we watched a bizarre video with asian women dressed as americans who were waiting to get married and become real women rather than the robots they sorta were.  Very odd with subtitles.  And then we watched half of a Betty Boop cartoon.  Someone was thinking when they chose the pre-show entertainment!

So, on to the movie.  I’ve never had a soundtrack feel so familiar before.  It turns out one of our survey of the music business professors was the music editor person.  We’ll have to drop her a line because the music rocked.  Pretty standard riot grrl stuff, but all of my favorites.  Bikini Kill, Bratmobile…too tired to remember now.

The story itself is awesome.  It’s a love story within this feminist inspire-to-action story, hopefully inspiring everyone to ditch their fear and live their lives as they wish.  And the finale…freakin hilarious!   I particularly liked the transition we see in the main character, starting as a naive victim of her life to inspiring everyone else to take big action.  It’s a good theme, even if you don’t agree with the actual actions that occur.

This movie also amuses me because there are so many little indie lesbian stars included.  Clea Duvall was in for all of a minute.  Daniela Sea is awesome.  We’re not sure if we should call her handsome or andro pretty (which is our new category).  Either way, I like this character better than Max on the L Word, but each has their strong points.  Jenny Shimizu has a great opening line, “another baby dyke to try to save the world” or something like that.  Oh, and the woman that plays Sadie is gorgeous.  I was always drawn to her on the screen, which is probably the point lol

So, overall, we both enjoyed this movie.  We laughed a lot, the romantic subplots are sweet, and you get a whole slew of different types of sexualities and genders involved without it feeling forced.  Plus, you don’t have to agree with all of the points in the story to come out with a different perspective on society and a reminder to stay alert.

It’ll be interesting to see this hit the theaters. 

Crossing Fingers

Tonight is a showing of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee as part of SXSW.  We’re hoping the rain scared enough people off that we can get into the show.  The way it works is that badge holders and film pass holders get in first.  Then, 15 minutes before the show they sell any remaining seats.  There’s one other showing friday afternoon which we’ll try for if tonight doesn’t pan out.  Otherwise it’s just a matter of waiting until it hits theaters.

What I find funny is the use of the phrase crossing fingers, or hoping.  I create my experience, so why don’t I just set my mind to being able to see the movie tonight?  Sometimes old habits are hard to break.  Also, I think it’s the fear of trying to manifest it and failing.  I know that doesn’t invalidate the process, but it’s still an issue for me.  I definitely need to get back to listening to the Abraham – Hicks material and regain my focus.  How can I be an example if I’m not living it?  I can’t.  So, it’s another reminder to focus on creating deliberately.  Apparently I need a lot of them!

Focus

Ok, so I finally remembered to pay attention to my dreams this morning and realized I’m nowhere near focused.  I had one of those ‘trying to shoot things but missing’ dreams, which shows a lack of focus.  Thankfully I’m not trying to shoot mortars and stuff in real life, because people don’t appreciate having to duck and cover when you’re not focused and hit the ceiling of the room.

So, today we’re going to the interactive festival at SXSW because my friend Leila had extra day passes.  It should be interesting, even if it’s not exactly my area of expertise and all.  But that’s ok because there is free stuff.  Plus, there’s that excitement that comes when SXSW comes to town and everyone is hoping to find the next big thing (or be it).

Then, I have an agenda for the day.  I’m going to grade the exams I handed out before break.  Last night I made the answer key, so it shouldn’t be too difficult.  I’m also going to research my geophysics paper and hopefully come up with the three references or so that I need.  It’s just a little tricky to figure out what to search for in the journals.  I may just jump to google scholar and then use the library to find the full texts I need.  Then hopefully I can get this thing started tomorrow.  It’s to be written in standard journal format, which makes it a little wierd, since I’ve never done a summary article like this, but it also should be easy.  Having a format tends to make things a bit easier once you settle in.

Hopefully this is what I’ll get accomplished, and what I’ll need to focus and keep things moving.  I definitely don’t want to be stressing on sunday!

Audio Engineering Writing Assignment

Audio Engineering 1                                                                            

 

I’ve chosen to listen to the “Voice Inside My Head” off the Dixie Chicks’ Taking the Long Way album.  The song opens with just acoustic guitar in what I think is acoustic spread.  As I listen, my ears are drawn from speaker to speaker with the different accents.  However, I couldn’t tell what exactly they did to produce the effect.  Four measures in the steel guitar comes in, adding more of a country feel while smoothing out the overall feel.  The steel guitar sits in the right and toward the front of the 3D ball until the vocals come in at eight measures, where it is no longer present until later in the song. 

           

            The vocals enter with the drums, which added to the acoustic guitar creates a very spacious sound.  The drummer plays very straight forward, so that you naturally focus on the vocals which are present but not overly so.  Both the drums and vocals feel a little dark, but what I found particularly interesting is that my first instinct was to say the drums weren’t dark at all.  It wasn’t until focusing in on them that I noticed the mellowness in the snare.  The same goes for the vocals and other instruments.  They don’t feel muddy, and in fact sound quite clear to me, but they aren’t bright either.  It’s an interesting combination that creates this feel of being in a carpeted room without feeling confined.

 

            The bass guitar comes in centered at 16 measures, or 8 measures into the first verse.  If you aren’t looking for it, however, you can easily lose track of it.  It quickly falls into the background below the acoustic guitar and drums providing a solid backdrop for the vocalist.  During this time, there is an occasional electric guitar providing accented strumming at the end of phrases. 

 

The final instrument to be brought in comes in during the bridge.  I’m honestly not sure what it is, outside of being an electric guitar with some effects on it.  This is also the one part of the song that disappoints me.  Personally I find this guitar distracting and not in agreement with the feel of the song.  All of the other instruments are relatively dry and organic, so to add something wet to the mix feels odd.  Even though it isn’t any more forward than the acoustic, my ears are drawn to the left and can’t let go of the guitar.  It competes with the vocals which are actually quite interesting in the bridge.  In my opinion, this is the only real flaw in this song, and is disappointing to see happen. 

 

The only piece left is the backing vocals which come in during the chorus and also in the second bridge.  Many times throughout this album the backing vocals are panned left, but in this song are mixed center, though farther back.  However, they aren’t mixed too low, so there is still some interaction between the lead and backing vocals.  There is a change in vocal quality during the second bridge, with an effect that smoothes everything out vocally. 

 

            Overall, I enjoy the feel of this song.  The subject matter is slightly dark, but not overly so.  The energy matches that reflective place where you are questioning decisions and their implications.  If I just weren’t distracted by the effects placed on the electric guitar, I would be much happier with the song.  But I guess even Rick Rubin can’t make everyone happy all the time. 

Fixed

I finally added a category for Marine Corps stuff.  It was so beyond silly to not have a tag for it, so I feel better having it. 
Today I learned I can write on my thesis if I write with pen and paper, rather than trying to type.  For some reason, creative writing doesn’t work so well while typing.  While writing and then typing is slower, it’s still faster to actually write something than to stare at a screen.  Hooray!

Rebuilding Callouses

Today Carrie decided to give her Ovation a good cleaning.  It now has new strings, and is nice and clean throughout.  After we string it up and broke in the strings, I had to play for a while.  Let me tell you, the pain that comes from pushing down a string is something I hadn’t felt in quite some time!  It’s a weird feeling because only parts hurt.  But, even as it hurt I kept playing because I know from experience the only way to build callous is to play.  Besides, tomorrow will hurt even more and I won’t want to pick it up.

I found after a bit of time playing that things started to come back to me.  I have never been very good, but I could fake my way through quite a bit.  That’s true of most instruments though, with the exception of the flute.  I have no idea but I just couldn’t get sound to come out of them!  The timing of this is interesting though, because Carrie told me something that Sarah told her.  Back in A school at Pensacola, I bought myself a very pretty acoustic.  When I wasn’t studying I was playing that guitar.  But, I’m pretty shy and don’t like to play in front of people unless I know what I’m doing already.  So I’d hide in my room and practice.  Sarah figured out that if I noticed someone outside I would stop playing so she got smart.  She would take something and block the light from the door and then just sit outside my door and listen while doing her studying.  Apparently there would be small groups of people just hanging outside my door, studying and half listen to me learn to play guitar!  It’s such a weird concept to me, but also funny because I had no idea!  This just goes to show how few ‘different’ things there were in the barracks.  No one had a computer or internet.  Only a few people had a tv.  We just didn’t have a whole lot of stuff to our name.  So anything that broke up the monotony was appreciated, even if it wasn’t the greatest.

If I had known then that she was out there listening, I might have continued to play sometimes, but also would have been embarrassed.  It’s hard to allow people to hear or see me make mistakes.  But hell, at least she never saw me play naked like Holloway!  (I still don’t believe that actually happened, perhaps she was hallucinating lol)