Reiki 1 and dreams

Today my friend Erik gave me the reiki 1 attunement.  It was an interesting experience, though not earth shattering.  :-)  After the first part, my body felt real warm, and I had a slight headache towards the top of my head.  After the second part, I noticed a sensation of fullness, or increased density, from my heart up.  After the third I started to feel some tingling in my hands, though now much.  And after the fourth part I felt tingling all over.

I think I would have noticed more if I hadn’t been tired to begin with.  I took a nap after, which was interesting.  While sleeping I had the strangest dream, which happens to be in a string of strange experiences.  However, today may be the first time I’ve had a dream where I thought I woke up from it, just to find I was still in a dream.

In my dream, I was sitting at my computer.  I looked back toward the bedroom and felt scared to the bone.  I thought I could see a white figure standing in the doorway.  At this point, I repeatedly said “wake up, wake up” to get myself awake.  I went over to carrie, who was lying on the couch, to make me feel better.  But she said she didn’t want me over there, because there was someone right by me, which scared me again.  I was really freaked out, and asked her to just hold my hand or something so I could feel better.  After a minute I started to think about things, and figured the person must have been someone I ‘called’ to me, and that they weren’t dangerous.  I think this is when I really woke up, and realized I had been dreaming the whole thing.

I’ll have to look up the implications of this type of situation.  Perhaps I knew that I needed to stay asleep and face the fear of spirits?  Erik mentioned that there’s a detox of sorts that comes along with attunement, where you work out old issues.  This may be one of those situations.

Last night was also odd, as Carrie and I shared a dream again.  In my dream, it shifted various outdoor situations.  First I was lying on a blanket or something on the ground, with brush and grass around.  Then it shifts eventually to a tent that Carrie and I have been sleeping in, even though we’re on our property.  There’s another tent that is put together, but stood on end and attached to the other tent (I have no idea why).  The wind is picking up, so I realize I need to take it down or secure it another way.  Then it gets truly wierd and I notice an animal in the distance.  I try to make scare it away by making noise, but it doesn’t work.  I try again, and now it’s running right for me!  At first it looked like a possom, but then it looked like a raccoon.  I yell for Carrie, who’s in the house, and then wake up, scared of this crazed animal.

A minute or less later, Carrie also wakes up.  She mentions having a wierd dream, and I said, “did you get attacked by a raccoon” and she stopped dead in her tracks.  In her dream, she was in the kitchen, and a crazed raccoon jumps out of the cupboards.  She’s yelling for me, since I’m outside.  How wierd is that?!  I have no idea how you interpret these types of dreams.  I don’t believe they’re out of body experiences since it took no time to wake up.  When I’m out of body it takes forever to wake up, or at least it feels like it.  This only happens when we sleep next to each other.  It’s odd.

I just hope there aren’t more scary dreams tonight, because I need sleep!

Dixie Chicks

Holy Fucking Amazing!

I really could leave it as that, honestly.  The show was simply amazing.  The sound was perfect, or at least as perfect as I could imagine the Erwin Center being.  Everything was balanced, and only when there was everything at full volume was there a small issue with distortion, and I think that was my ears being overloaded rather than the sound system!

The songs were flawless.  It’s not like these people are playing three power chords either!  Every musician sounded beautiful.  The drummer was great at keeping the energy going, which was crucial in the beginning.  It looked and sounded like Natalie was a little sick.  Thankfully she perked up after a few minutes.

The crowd was also amazing.  So much energy, and so into the show.  It’s almost as if everyone, while there for the music, was determined to show their support for the Dixie Chicks as individuals.  “Screw all those other people, we love you even more for what you said.”

The emotions peaked during “Not Ready to Make Nice”.  When the song peaks, the entire crowd was screaming, and I was crying.  Not just teary eyed, but to the point of full on crying, if only I hadn’t been surrounded by thousands of people.  There was just so much in the room.  I couldn’t get myself together until into the next song.  Hell, I didn’t take a full breath during the song.  It was too much.  There were other points in the show where I was either tearing up, or realized I wasn’t breathing.  If that isn’t the sign of a good show, I don’t know what is!

This was turly the best $20 I’ve ever spent.  I would have gladly paid much more than that for this experience, it was that great.  The level of musicianship, the level of energy, it was pure beauty.  I’m so in love right now

Tutoring…

is exhausting!  Today I tutored for six hours or so.  It was crazy!  Only one problem completely threw me for a loop, which is good.  Honestly, I’m still not sure where to go with it.  Another was pretty tough, but then the person got an email from their professor and it was really easy.

So far, my rating is a perfect 5 out of 5.  Hopefully it stays that way.  I still need to wait for a month to get off probation, but it helps to have the score up there.  Now I need to have a mentor, so they can go over some of my sessions with me.  I just want to make sure I’m doing things the way they want.

In any case, it’s been an interesting day.  It’s also really cool that I’ve made $75 this weekend.  But boy does it take up a lot of time!  So, now I know I can’t really multitask while tutoring, and can plan my day accordingly.  Now what would really be awesome is if they didn’t send out checks only once a month!  But I’ll still be grateful come January. 

Last night’s dream - Racki

I had an interesting dream this morning, and I’m sad that I’m already losing details, because it was so interesting.

In the first part, we were driving in what was supposed to be Parris Island, since there were Drill Instructors yelling at recruits, which is always hilarious to me. The wierd part was that there was this random guy dressed like for a football game, wearing red with OU on his face. (perhaps to represent an outsider, since OU is a huge rival?) I’m not sure when things shift, but the next useful thing I remember besides driving and actually not having any sound once I open my window, is being in a room with Ssgt Racki and just talked.

The overall theme of the conversation with her experience with the queer kids. We, being the queer kids in 4029, always thought she was gay, even though she had a kid. Anyway, she talked about how the gay kids would get excited about the hardcore stuff. She mentioned having a lot more than usual during my time, which didn’t seem right. Though, I did say I barely knew those people, so I wouldn’t know. But she was very amused by it all, and that was contagious.

We shifted to talking more about her past. She told this story of a girl who broke her heart. They were supposed to go away together, leave on a small boat or something. What’s funny is that as she was telling this, I had a completely wierd visual of a very attractive younger black woman and Angelina Jolie. Neither of them are Ssgt Racki lol. Perhaps for this section it was someone else, but it’s hard to tell in dreams. So this black woman (she was gorgeous!) was actually telling this part of the story in spanish, which was odd. I don’t actually speak spanish, but I must have gotten the gist of it. I mentioned that I had experienced something similar, but I could say it as beautifully or in spanish. lol I think we talked for a bit longer about things, but I don’t remember what. I do remember this feeling of being drawn to her, she ‘felt’ good. I mean, hell, I focused on her the whole time, even though Angelina was in the dream!

So at some point things mix even more. Racki is giving me life advice, and we’re talking about Marine Corps stuff again. I have this realization/understanding of one of the reasons for the few feminine focused things we had to do. I still believe the regulations are for the outside world, for our image, but there’s another aspect. In my dream I talked about that forcing the gay kids to do things that normal girls do (perhaps I should qualify as the more butch gay kids) that it adds more commonality. Then we aren’t so different or intimidating, and that increases unit cohesion. In the same way, the girlie girls do some hard core stuff, so in the end everyone has some commonalities, making it easier for strangers to come together. (this I would be willing to bet is related to my issues last night, and this understanding is something I don’t think I would have reached without doing EFT, which I’ll discuss later)

We then continued on to other issues. She told some more aspects of her life. Mentioned that she didn’t kiss a girl for the first time until 1985 (which is a wierd detail to remember). I made a joke, but I don’t remember it. As we talked she interspersed important things she learned, which of course I forgot. However, it wasn’t new information for me, and were things I already believed, which may be the reason why. She talked about not sacrificing things - something to do with our selves, our dreams perhaps, and also not sacrificing God, I think our relationship with God rather than any dogmatic meaning.

Also, at some point there were some other people around, I think closer to the time of the other woman. One of them was Cali, even though I was supposed to be still talking to Racki. It’s like she was a shapeshifter or something lol. I asked her how many Marines she’d dated or slept with. Then she switched the subject, and there was another person also. So Cali, this other woman, and I all went into another room, which happened to be in my childhood home. We sat down on my bed, which wasn’t made, so I pulled down the quilt to cover the dirty sheets. I don’t really remember what we talked about. She was saying how she actually studied a lot because she took her education seriously or some bs. I said that I graduated number 1 and 2. It was a silly pointless exchange.

At this point I’ve lost all the other details. It was a really pleasant dream. All the stuff with Racki just made me feel…I don’t know. She felt like a mentor of sorts, telling me things, sharing her experiences in life, and passing along her most important advice. It was interesting, that’s for sure.

The seven year itch

Why do humans have so much trouble with fidelity?  Ok, I know there are many reasons for this, but I’m talking about one situation in particular.  What causes an otherwise happily married couple to have problems with cheating, or the desire to cheat?  What’s so special about 7 years that creates trouble?

One thought is that, rather than addressing the issues that are addressed by cheating, we stuff them.  Whether it’s a need to feel control, to feel wanted, to feel something new, we don’t actually address them.  And eventually, the hole that is temporarily filled by a random encounter becomes more of an issue.

It seems that, if we could all learn to be enough for ourselves, to love and accept us as we are, that this desire for cheating would disappear in most situations.  Except this seems an insurmountable task, and the quick fix of cheating seems far preferable, even if it could destroy the life we enjoy.  Humans really are funny creatures!  I don’t know how we survive our dysfunction.

So, to address this personally I’m going to sit down, right now and do some EFT work.  I need to really start doing what I tell everyone else to do, and that starts now.  I just wish I knew why I resist what helps in the first place…

grrr…issues

I hate issues.  Issues can kiss my ass.  They show up uninvited, and stay far longer than they should.  And they always make you look like a huge ass, bringing out the worst in you.  Issues simply suck.

What sucks more is knowing one way to help get rid of them, but not doing.  Self sabotage, the partner of issues…so evil.