I’ve come down with an affliction. It’s a strange affliction, that makes you say things you otherwise wouldn’t. No, it’s not Tourettes. It’s honesty.
I’m not sure exactly when it started. It’s popped up, in mild form from time to time. But today, it’s become quite acute. I found myself journaling today about some very personal memories without getting uncomfortable. The only exception involved sexual activities that I simply didn’t have words for that didn’t make it sound like porn, as that would have degraded the situation. But even then, practically no discomfort.
This wouldn’t have been a problem had that been the extent of it. But no, I had a worse flare up, one that involved reaching out to people I care about to tell them so. Now it wasn’t between me and the page, but honesty leaving my mind and heading towards another human being! First, one message to Kali (or Cali as I prefer to spell it), and then one to Holloway (who I should perhaps learn to call Vick, but what fun is that?). Both of them now know of my undying love for them, no matter what time or distance separates us (in that purely friendship sort of way of course). The two messages had very different feels, as I still felt the need to maintain some bravado with Holloway (perhaps the honesty is starting to ease in it’s strength?). In the end, the result is the same. Honesty rears it’s ugly head in sappy messages that just might have come out of my mouth without the aid of alcohol had they been here tonight. And that, my friends, is a serious bout of honesty!
Ok, time to switch gears. lol This weekend has been one of changes that I couldn’t have begun to predict. Yes, Susan made an impact in my life many years ago. But now, she’s the catalyst for even more important changes. I don’t know where this will lead, but I’m going to take advantage of this wierd mental state, and share what I can. As much as I’m blogging, I also wrote 7 pages or so in my offline journal while watching aikido today. It’s like I’m overflowing with feelings, and they have to come out somehow. What’s interesting is this feeling of writing a song or poem, but nothing coming out. Perhaps I haven’t made the shift to that type of thinking, so I’m just writing away normally. Either way, all this writing feels good. Too bad school will barge in soon with a midterm on wednesday. Happy birthday to me! lol
