An interesting quiz

Ok, I try to avoid quizzes here.  First off, because so few seem accurate - I often have to pick an answer that’s ‘good enough’ rather than true, and that’s annoying.  But today a friend gave me a link to one that had a scale, which was nice.  And while I have never come up as air in chinese elemental quizzes, the explanation makes sense.  So I guess magical elements are different.  In any case, here are my results from the Magical Personality Quiz.

Your Q Score is: 4
The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature

Air Types
The main strength of the Air types is intellect. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this intellectual activity.

Unicorn Air with Water Astrologically associated with Gemini and the Third House Unicorn types are very concerned with the communication of ideas. They are witty and likeable but can also be quite shy. They are easily bored and easily distracted, and may seem unpredictable and superficial for this reason. Actually they are very deep and are usually trying to find the connections between the people and things around them. They are highly imaginative but not very practical. They love knowledge for its own sake and are not concerned about putting it to use. They are socially astute and sensitive to others’ feelings, but may still appear somewhat aloof. They are drawn to grand schemes for unifying people but these often don’t extend beyond the initial idea. Very logical and rational, Unicorn types are also unconventional and even bizarre. Other people may regard them as fey or just strange.

Water

 

We are composed almost entirely of water and can live only a few days without it. The surface of the planet is two-thirds water. Life began in the primeval ocean and we develop in the watery womb. Inevitably we have a relationship with water and demonstrate “Watery” traits of emotionalism, empathy, kindness, sympathy, love, gentleness, sociability, nurturing, and intuition, as well as moodiness, capriciousness, possessiveness, neediness, sentimentality, and irrationality. Water types often believe that they are their feelings; hence, they exhibit a nebulous sense of self and fear solitude.

Your Shadow Creature

Earth Types
All the Earth types have problems relating to productivity and stability. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

Wodwose
Earth and Fire

This shadow is beset by inertia and a feeling of hopelessness and stagnation. They are prone to depression linked to apparently insuperable odds. They exhibit an attitude of defeat that is betrayed by their fatalism and pessimism. They often find themselves trapped in a rut of grinding routine. They have no energy or sense of direction. They often alienate others because of their negativity and narrow outlook and because they feel anger and resentment toward them. Passive aggression is used to good effect. They are self-neglectful of their physical needs although they may binge on unhealthy foods and substances. The biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression; the biggest obstacle of weak Earth is to overcome self-centeredness and greed.

Fire

Fire refers to the life force, the spiritual energy that animates us, and the motivation without which we would be inactive and die. We all exhibit “Firey” traits of urgency, drive, passion, enthusiasm, ambition, intensity, creativity, optimism, and progressiveness, as well as egocentricity, selfishness, recklessness, impulsiveness, ruthlessness, aggression, and insensitivity. Fire types often believe that they are their achievements, and so they strive desperately to succeed and constantly monitor their progress as evidence of their worth.

****************************************

What’s interesting is that, the shadow creature doesn’t apply to me very much at all.   Perhaps that is related to my very low q score?  I’m not really sure.

Insomnia and dreams

I had earlier dreams, but the last one is most odd and vivid.

First, I was driving and was about to drive across this river. To my left, under the water, you could see the remains of an older structure. At first I thought it was an old support for a different bridge, but then I saw what looked like stairs. The water was dark, but also a bit clear, so I could see down a bit. Everything made me uneasy. I started to move onto the bridge a little further, but I was uneasy. Apparently, earlier there had been some flooding, so the river was moving quite fast. Also, there were no guard rails, just a flat span of road. In the middle, it appeared to be wood, and there was water standing. The whole thing made me very uncomfortable, and I decided to leave.

As I’m backing up, I see someone behind me. I’m having trouble seeing what it going on around me, and then I find that my brakes don’t want to work right. I drive over what I saw, I thought, and kept waiting to see it come out in front of me, since i’m still moving backwards. I can finally drive forward again and it pops right back up, like it’s a blow up punching toy. I drive over to where there is an exit, but then there is a shift.

I’m now walking through this wierd pathway. I pass throw two swinging doors, and it feels like a gauntlett. There’s one shady guy to my left, who I say hello to in an effort to keep him at bay. Then another towards the right. I think three kinda scary guys in all, but I keep an eye on them and just keep moving. The whole area seems to be made from wood, scraps from projects and such.

After that area I’m now heading to the left, which is the original direction I came from. To my left I see a small building, with a stage, and only a few people watching the performance. It appears to be an improv thing where people yell out suggestions. I keep going. Once again there is a shift, or I just can’t remember. I’m now walking with someone who I think I only met that day. We’re talking about how guys hit on dykes thinking they’re gay men. We come to an area with small pools with boats and stuff. Apparently, rather than walking further, a guy nearby and this woman convince me this way will be a good idea.

Everything has water. I walk into the first thing, which is a small rowboat, the size that fits just 2 or 3 people in it. The next pool is just the pool, with small toy things in it. As we continue, the water quality starts to get worse, making me uncomfortable. I don’t like walking on slimy stuff. Now we’re halfway through, and there are pipes or something, that originally looked like a hedge. The water and everything is now very gross looking, a deep reddish brown color, so we start crawling on the pipe, which now feels more like a flexible plastic cloth. The guy in front of me isn’t so good with the crawling, and I try to help him using what we learned in boot camp about crawling on ropes.

Eventually we get to the end, but we hear someone, so we drop real flat. Except we’re at the edge, where there is now a road. Open roads don’t provide cover, so we just try to stay real still. I turn to watch for people. All I can see is the end of the road, but there is a steady stream of people, all of whom turn our direction, but continue on. What’s funny is that there weren’t hardy any people before this. Finally we start moving again, and I end up carrying a piece of plywood on my back for protection. I heard a man say something about soapy water, and then notice it is being sprayed all over. I keep moving, but eventually give up. As soon as I do, they stop.

Now we’re in a room, sitting in chairs. A woman is talking about all the trouble we’re in. I stand up and say that I had already paid admission that day. She tried to say I was lying, and that I was using a drug to keep the ink stamp on my hand longer. I told her to do a dna test, because I’ve never done drugs. I then turned to a woman, who was now Carrie, and told her that it only took her 8 years of being together to get me arrested.

Eventually a guy came in, and he talked to the man in front of me. He was given some different options, I think because he was in the military or something. Then the guy talked to me. There were two different options that I don’t remember well. One involved software or something that you install at home…I joked that it would prevent me from seeing water park sites, but he didn’t answer. I’m also allowed to see the list of people in the room, and their priority. I was second on the list, but carrie was very low. I was a bit confused and perhaps scared about this. Either way I wasn’t happy about her being low on the list. The people at the bottom were those who didn’t have school ties, perhaps…not sure. But in the end I think I was worried she would get screwed being low on the list. At this point the dream peters out.

I’ll have to look this up, because that’s a ton of water symbolism.

All this after I was very frustrated last night with my inability to sleep. When I finally fell asleep, I woke up with a start, because I saw a black shape start to come up from behind me. Later, Carrie laid down with me, and again as soon as I fell asleep I woke up with a start, though I don’t know why. Then Carrie left the room, saying Trent would stay there and protect me. I have to ask her about that, because I don’t know a trent. I laid there for a while, still insanely frustrated and wanting to cry almost. It was a wierd feeling. But finally I fell asleep for quite a few hours, peaceful the whole time until the dreams this morning in between alarms. I don’t know why I couldn’t sleep, because I was truly exhausted, having only had about 4 hours of sleep the night before. So I slept in this morning to balance it out a bit. Now there’s a lot to get done, that I’m going to start on now.

I get it!

So, it appears this pressure in my head is consistently a message.  I base that on today’s experience, where I was writing an email.  I felt the exact same pain as the other day.  I tried to relax it away, but that didn’t do much.  So I started erasing what I had wrote, and that didn’t work.  It wasn’t until I closed the email I was writing that the pain went away.

Now I’ll admit, two times may be coincidence, still, but I’m going to keep acting as if it’s true.  So far, there is a strong correlation that I can’t deny.  And besides, I don’t believe in coincidences like that; everything happens for a reason.  It’s up to us to decide what that reason is.

It’s interesting how much more in tune I am lately.  I bet I was getting these messages the whole time, and just not noticing the subtle body changes.  I’m quite glad I’m getting them now though, as this is a new test for me - truly having faith that things will work out for me to continue on my path.  I’ve never not planned like this, and it’s quite the challenge sometimes to not know what to do.  I feel wierd not trying to figure things out, but I don’t feel I’m supposed to right now.  I need to simply focus on the now, and do what needs to be done first, and the rest will take care of itself.

Trust.  Faith.  Wow is that hard…

New visions and messages

Last night Carrie and I talked a lot.  She shared with me a lot of new dreams she’s been having about kids, and also about things Kendra is teaching her and showing her.  One dream really wamred my heart, so I’ll share that one.

There is a boy, about 4 years old.  He has brought a crate over to my drumset and taken down all of the cymbals.  He then starts to beat on them while they’re lying on the floor.  Apparently he couldn’t reach them from the seat, but he really wanted to play!  Carrie wondered why I wasn’t making him stop, but really, if he’s not hurting anything, why interrupt?  He went to a lot of trouble to get those down, that ingenuity should be rewarded!  In any case, this was the ‘last straw’, so I went out and got one of those little kid drumsets.  When he saw it, his face lit up like it was the greatest thing ever!  We all put it together upstairs, but he kept trying to take it downstairs.  Apparently he was quite adamant about the drums being in the drum studio like mine!  It truly warms my soul and makes me giggle to think of this, even though I never saw the dream.  Carrie said it didn’t feel like he had been part of the family for very long, which means we’ve got to be adopting him.  That and he’s quite dark skinned, probably hispanic, and Carrie’s far too white to have that dark of a kid!  Lol

Another story involved Riley at 17.  He asked to have a few friends over to hang out at the pool.  When we came home 4 hours later, there were kids completely drunk, but Riley was stone sober.  He came to us right away, expected to be punished severely.  Instead we called the kids’ parents to pick them up.  What’s interesting is that we didn’t end up punishing him, beyond making him change the oil in all the cars the next day.  And I decided he would get up at 7, saying we had things to do.  Carrie asked me what we had to do, and I said nothing.  I just want to make him get up early.  hahaha

Some other things I learned last night:  Carrie has the most open life path Kendra’s seen.  It’s quite interesting, as that is one of those big unknowns for me.  Just how much choice does a person have?  I believe we all have choice, but where exactly is the line?

Carrie’s learning to astral travel to any location she wants, which sounds awesome.  Perhaps it is somethign I’ll learn in time also.  I don’t expect to do things she can do, but it’d be nice to experience some.

Today I had another experience of receiving messages consciously.  I was looking at a website that gives free psychic readings to members of the site (also free).  I was curious what they’re rules were (you’re only allowed 1 per month) when I noticed this pressure in my forehead.  As soon as I said, “I’m not going to do it, I’m just curious”, the pain went away.  Some may call that coincidence or whatever, but I feel it was a message.  And all that matters is  what I feel in the end.

And finally, last night I dreamt about a little baby girl.  The part I remember, though I know there was quite a bit more, was this baby wrapped up real tight in blankets so all you could see was her face.  She was very young, less than 6 months I think.  It was pretty nice to hold her.  As I was holding her, she was magically out of the blankets and older, trying to reach for my keyboard and computer screen.  She was still pretty young, pre-talking and all that.  So it was a nice dream.

Then, today at the chiropractor, I was doing small universe while getting traction (forces a bend in the neck).  I knew, out of the blue, that the girl was not a baby Carrie physically had.  That would make her adopted, or just a kid we’re babysitting.  Doesn’t really matter in the end.

Another wierd thing happened while in the room meditating.  I had my eyes closed, and I saw a being enter the room.  It was very tall and skinny, not very human shaped due to the proportions.  It walked next to me, and stopped, as if it were a nurse carrying a clipboard.  Then I started to think rather than observe and it was gone.  I have no idea what that was, but it was quite interesting.

Firing Line - Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

(original letter The Firing Line - Opinion)

While it’s great that Mr. Hammond respects our military leaders, he forgets one thing; they are still human and susceptible to their own bias and ignorance.

The argument that being gay inherently detracts from military standards is false. As a Marine, my core values are Honor, Courage, and Commitment. While on active duty I held those values very close to my heart, and still do today. Sexuality does not keep someone from being a good Marine or Soldier, as many other countries have discovered. It certainly did not prohibit me from being the best Marine I could be.

The problem comes in when people let their own bias change how they treat someone else. The problems that came in the fleet were due to my own lack of interest in stroking the male egos of my unit, not in an inability to do my job. To say this problem is the fault of someone who is gay is taking the blame off the shoulders of those with the problem, and placing it elsewhere. Sexuality does not prevent a person from pulling a trigger or changing a tire.

The military has always fought social change. When minorities were introduced, there was resistance. When women were allowed to be more than nurses, people resisted. But today, few people blink an eye to the racial diversity in the military, or to the amount of women in increasingly physical roles. The majority of military members have seen women and minorities prove themselves in training and day to day work.

Gays are already serving in the military, throughout all MOS’s. However, “don’t ask, don’t tell” requires silence, taking away the chance for education and tolerance, if not acceptance. No policy will ever keep homosexuals out of the military. We’ve served throughout time, and will continue to serve if we choose to, because in the end we’re all Americans, just like heterosexuals. Sexuality does not remove patriotism, and the desire to fight for freedom. The fact that we fight for freedoms that we aren’t given ourselves should speak loudly of the commitment of gays in the military. Honor, Courage, and Commitment are the core values I learned in the Marine Corps, and I will hold them for my entire life. Everyone is allowed to have their opinions of gays, women, and minorities in the military, but no one can take away the fact that I became a Marine, and will remain a Marine until the day I die.

There will be some issues that come up when gays are allowed to serve openly, but it won’t last long in the grand scheme of things. Those who have never known a gay person will see there is no threat to their own sexuality. People are still people, their sexuality is only a fraction of who they are. And in the end, sexuality doesn’t prevent anyone from doing their job. Last time I checked, there were no MOS’s that required someone to be physically intimate with anyone else. Thus sexuality shouldn’t be an issue.

Jackie L Meyer
Physics Graduate Student
Lcpl, US Marine Corps

Busy Lessons

When life gets busy, it’s the perfect opportunity to really grow.  Similar to how pressure turns carbon to a diamond, pressure can shape us into something more resiliant and beautiful.  It can also break us if we aren’t paying attention.

Life is quite busy right now.  But, rather than stressing out, being constantly in a rush, even when I can’t control a situation, I’m choosing to act differently.  For example, I am taking the time to meditate while riding the bus in the morning.  Tonight I meditated while getting my therapy after my chiropractic adjustments.  A while back I downloaded a Caroline Myss cd, and finally got around to listening to a part of it the other day.  She mentions that, if you can only meditate under perfect conditions, then you are missing the point of the practice.  Instead, try to meditate with annoyances, like music you aren’t fond of, or in a bright room instead of a dark one, etc.  I’m trying to take this lesson to heart, by learning to relax in uncomfortable situation.  In this way, even a visit to the chiropractor is a spiritual experience and a lesson in relaxation.

A similar lesson has been presented through Moses Avalon, when he mentions that it’s important to avoid genre bias.  Learn to appreciate all music, because it will bring more jobs your way.  The way I look at it, there is no genre I completely hate.  How horrible would it be to miss out on an amazing project because people believed I didn’t like the genre?  Thus, I’m trying to complain less when groups like Rascall Flats come on the radio (they sound like hick chipmunks).  In a sense, this is a meditation practice.  It is accepting what is, without adding interpretation or emotional reaction.

Overall, I’m finding it easier to accept my situation, and flow within it, rather than forcing it.  In this way I’m bringing my aikido practice into every aspect of my life.  Today I found how amazing it can feel.  This morning we went to ACC to talk to the ODS people about accomodations, and the math department to do an informal transfer so Carrie will be in the online math class.  While talking to math and waiting for a call from the main math person, I took the initiative to ask the woman if she knew of any adjunct physics positions coming open.  She gave me the number of the person who would know.  Hooray!

Though I had to be to class by 2, I didn’t look at the time while at ACC, just let things take care of themselves.  I arrived home with a few minutes to spare before heading back to school.  While waiting for the bus I didn’t stress, but just sat there, listening to Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now.  When the bus came I sat there continuing to listen, while trying to just be in the moment.  A few blocks from the stop at school, the bus driver pulled over to wait.  This has happened in the past, but I never knew why.  I decided to ask him, quite nicely.  He was a bit defensive, saying that he had to wait any time he was more than 5 minutes early on the route.  I didn’t react in kind, and tried to be relaxed and friendly.  Now that I knew, I had no reason to be upset, and returned to my seat to wait out the minutes.

When I got off the bus, I was bursting!  I honestly couldn’t hold back the smile, and it felt like my chest was radiating like crazy.  I believe that’s because I was in complete (or strong) alignment with my soul.  It was such a strong feeling of…not a high amount of energy, but clean energy.  Love.

So that was the lesson/experience of the day. 

external or internal forces

I was just sitting here, skimming through a thesis for some information when I started to think about next semester, when I’m writing my thesis. I know I’ll be doing a lot of background work, which is the type of thing you’re supposed to do at the beginning of a project rather than the end. But I jumped in towards the end, so it wasn’t that crucial. Anyway, as I thought I wondered, what if I find something that’s truly of interest in this process, and find a PhD project to start. I could feel a bit of excitement build. But then, seemingly from outside myself, I felt like that feeling was being supressed. However, it’s possible it wasn’t from outside of me at all. I also found myself thinking, how would I be able to stay focused that long to do a new project. But that may have been slightly after the feeling of supression. I’m not really sure what this is, it’s very hard to determine what sensations and feelings mean, but it seems to have been my guide(s) reminding me that my path is not in this direction. It’s important to not get distracted any longer.

I think the reason I fight the direction I’m going at times is that I can’t see how it’s all working out. I feel like I’m flying a bit blind, which has never happened before. Even when I was kicked out of the Marine Corps I still had a job at Dominos and made enough to support us at the time. So sometimes, thinking ahead scares the crap out of me. But I need to relax and trust the process. I can create a funding opportunity for the spring. I can find a job to support us. And Carrie will get her disability. We’ll be fine. I should learn to relax and enjoy the ride, right? lol

Updates

Alright, I’m going to get this out of the way so I have one less thing to distract me from all the work I have to get done.

This week has been crazy hectic.  I’ll try to catch the important things so I can focus on more than just the facts, but the affect the events had on us.

Monday

Monday morning was Carrie’s physical disability appointment.  You know…you’d think doctors would be smart enough to at least consider that it’s possible the patient is telling the truth.  It avoids a lot of trouble.  Case in point, the doctor did the screening kept telling Carrie that she’s only 24 years old and can’t have all the problems she claims.  Oh really?  She tried to explain to him, even talking about her work history which starts at age 14 working full time, not to mention the years spent working with her step dad on rent houses from the age of 10 or so.  So it’s not like the average person who starts working full time around the age of 18, she’s got a good 4 years on them.  Plus, she had a very traumatic knee injury at age 15, which never healed.  Point is, don’t assume.  So, the ‘doctor’ gets ready to start the physical exam.  She tells him that he needs to support the knee, or it will fall backwards.  He still doesn’t believe her, and doesn’t support her knee.  So he pulls her leg straight, and her knee hyperextends.  The fucking bastard injured her in the course of an examination!  So she had to go to the chiropractor, get it adjusted because it was now out of alignment, causing further problems in her ankle also.  I still want to just hit the guy, because it’s beyond disrespectful and rude, he gave her a lot of pain.  And, his short sightedness actually caused an injury yesterday, because she was favoring the left leg.  So thanks jackass.  You shouldn’t be allowed to practice medicine, and if I could I’d remove your license myself.  After I make you pay for her chiropractor bill to fix what you did!  (yes, I’m working on this anger thing…)

Recommendation: Gamefly

I’m far too bogged down to think about anything actually interesting or important, so for today, a recommendation.

We’ve been using Gamefly for quite a while now.  The company charges a monthly fee for renting video games online.  For most gamers, this is a very useful service.  For $15 a month, you rent one game at a time for as long as you’d like.  Now, when you think about the fact that new games cost $40 or $50, and most of them can be beaten around 40 or 50 hours of game play, it’s far cheaper to rent.  And, if you’re one of those people who likes to keep their favorite games, you can buy the game, and they’ll send you out the case with instructions.  That’s something you don’t get when buying used at most other places.   I’ve bought a few games from them and the cases and inserts are in pristine condition.

Even if you’re a casual video gamer, this service is very useful.  I use it to find out if I like a game or not.  You know that advertising makes many games seem like they’ll be very fun, but there are times when the game play doesn’t match the hype.  And I’d rather not find that out by spending $35 or $50.
I’ve received one defective game from them (not their fault) and they were very good at resolving the situation.  And in the end, if you decide you don’t want to keep renting games, it’s very easy to cancel. Before I signed up with Gamefly this time, I researched alternatives, and there really aren’t any of the same quality.  So give them a try.  I think you’ll be pleased.

I destroyed the church

Wow, how’s this for a dream?  I was visiting a church, that to me represented the vatican I believe.  It was built on this little island or peninsula, which wasn’t stable enough to hold it.  People had been trying to years to stabilize it, but the ground was still sinking.  I didn’t see any of that, it was just something I knew about.

The church is built on this concrete platform.  I walk around outside for a bit, and eventually decide to head back to my little apartment which is very close by, a few feet to the side and maybe 50 feet behind it.  As I jump off the concrete platform, I feel it shift.  That’s not good!  I get back to my apartment and realize I just accidentally destroyed this church that’s important to a lot of people.  I think I looked out the back of the apartment, and it’s just gone.  Not very much rubble, mostly flat.  No blood or gore, there weren’t people inside.  Just a concrete platform without it’s fancy church.  I try to tell Carrie about it a bit later, and I think that’s about all I remember.

I also had a dream this morning where clea duvall was randomly talking to me in a coffee shop or something, along with 2 other people.  The dream was quite odd, including scene switching from ‘real’ life to chat rooms with her.  Just a bit random.  The way it started, I was walking down the street.  I would see people who would just say hello, or whatever.  It was very casual, and I was just having a good day walking around.

In another dream snippet, I was helping this blind guy, who had been at my friend Christi’s apartment just down the block.  He was having some trouble, and needed insulin or something, but he didn’t have any.  So I made him some sandwhiches.  But in that process he missed the bus, and I told him I would drive him to where he needed to go.  The guy kinda creeped me out, but I helped him anyway.

I have no idea what these snippets mean lol  I’ll have to consult some books and see if I can make some sense of it.  If not, oh well.