Astral Practice

I’ve been talking with a very experienced person in the Jedi community (at least that’s where I know her from) who has been working a bit with me on releasing fears through astral projection.
We first discussed things a few days ago.  I started asking her a string of questions about angels and guides and other random things.  I talked about how my abilities are all squashed by fears to some extent, and I don’t know how to release them, because I don’t know what they actually are!  However, she is quite wise and intuitive, and told me she felt a fear of hell still in me.  This was a bit suprising, because I haven’t believed in hell in probably two years, but it’s not easy to undo 18 years of programming by a religion.

Old Friends

It appears old friends are coming back into my life lately, at least for a visit.  Yesterday I received a very random phone call at work (sure, finally working!) from Brett, a girl I hung out with when we did an REU (research experience for undergraduates) here at UT.  She lives in Little Rock now with her girlfriend (note, she wasn't gay 3 years ago lol), but her brother is a graduate student at UT still.  They were only in town for the day basically, and heading back to her parents in the morning, but it was very fun.  We chatting for around three hours, which was really too short.  You know how there are some people that just feel good to be around?  That's Brett.  Something about her just clicks, must be something about her energy that's complimentary.  Besides, her and her girlfriend were ungodly cute together. 

Going back even further, I emailed a friend from the desert and she actually responded!  We haven't talked in ages, and it's been about 5 years since we saw her last.  Jen's the type of person who disappears for years, but then pops up like nothing has changed.  I don't mind, because I do it too, but it's still nice to hear from people, you know?  

So how did I find Jen?  Well that's a wierd story.  Ellen's ex is apparently very good at the google stalking, and she found a message board that Jen posted on occasionally.  Ellen and I, who clearly have too much time on our hands, read through the site, which is pretty funny.  I tried the email address provided there, but it got kicked back.  I saved the site though.  The other night, Ellen's like, hey, have you read that site lately?  I hadn't, so I took a look.  I decided to try the email address again, and this time it worked!  Hooray!  Another successful google stalk.    Though I have no idea how Ellen's ex found this site.  Very odd.  Anyway…

It's been  an awesome couple of days now, getting to hear from people.  Of course it happens when I have a ton of work to do, but that's ok.  Hmm…something else that's funny.  It happened when I was actively trying to look forward rather than backwards.  Perhaps by not looking I removed the resistance and allowed people to reach me?  It's a thought…

Wierd stuff

I don't know why this is happening lately, but I guess why doesn't matter.  Last night I had just fallen asleep and was dreaming.  The dream was odd, though I can't remember how it started.  All I remember at this point is being in a vehicle, and being fired upon by fully automatic rifles.  It still felt like a dream at this point, but then I slowly became aware of being hit in the stomach…almost like bullets were bouncing off my stomach, since it didn't hurt nearly enough to be penetrating (though I don't know what that feels like).  But there were a lot of hits, which felt more insistent as time went on.  The only way I can think to describe the feeling is to visualize a waterbed, and you are punching it rather quickly.  While the pace remains the same, the power behind the punch increased, which increases the wave amplitude.  Now if that waterbed is your stomach, it would get more uncomfortable and harder to ignore. 

At some point, something changed, and the experience was more real, not a dream.  At that point I called for help, I think I asked for Tir and then Carrie, and then just anyone.  I also hardened my resolve and faught it, though not physically.  More like just putting up a big shield to stop whatever it was.  Then the sensations changed, I started to get warmer, and felt like I was floating.  I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign, so I just kept doing what I was doing (though I don't know exactly what that was).  I kept floating and started to slowly spin, which was pretty wierd.  However, I never freaked out.  I just kept focusing until I was 'back', or awake.  

I readily admit, I don't know where the line is between real and dream, with real being an astral experience.   Whatever this is, however, it definately feels different than a normal dream.  This is the first time I recall transitioning from a dream feeling to something different though.  Not sure what that is.  Hmmm…puzzling.

The story of my life

For those of you who haven't read Boy on a Stick and Slither, it's a wonderful online comic.  The other day I had to laugh, because it was basically the story of my life.  The original is posted here. But you can view a thumbnail of it here also, for a bit of reference.
   

 So while I may not be facing infinity, you can substitute fears or the unknown and it's the same.  Case in point, today I took a nap.  I call it a nap, but it really ends up being pseudo-lucid dreaming.  I don't really know what to call it, but it's certainly not normal sleep.  Anyway, today towards the end of this 'nap' I remember being somewhere with Carrie.  She says, "Hey Jax, look!" and points behind me.  But instead of looking, I get that feeling of fear that comes when there's something uncomfortable to face, typically 'supernatural' in nature.  Even though I was in no danger, and it quite possibly was my spirit guide, I wasn't brave enough to find out and woke up shortly thereafter.  Once again, I chickened out.  I tell ya, this progressing thing is slow!  But I'm young and relatively new at this, so I'm trying to be patient.  Besides, if everything came easy, how would I learn patience or perseverence?  

 

Damn good eating

I don't understand how this works.  A whole 3 days of good eating, and now bad things make me feel like crap?  Grrr…Apparently when you feel good you can actually feel the difference the bad stuff makes.  Which means things I loved before are now not so pleasant. 

For instance, sugar.  Sugar feeds yeast in your stomach, thus fermenting.  This causes gas and heartburn.  It also leaves you with a bit of a sour feeling stomach.  This I know from experience, thus tainting my strawberries, angel food cake, and cool whip.  Grrr…no more cool whip?  or angel food cake?  What kind of messed up world do I live in where I can't enjoy this anymore?  

So I think we just have to accept it…our lives are forever changed.  Our sugar intake will go down drastically.  We need to be smarter with our desserts…just fresh fruit?  However, through this we'll naturally lose weight, which is wonderful.  But…sugar!  I know I'll still have it occasionally, because chocolate cravings just don't go away.  But I pay for it every time.    *sigh*  I know this has a good payoff, but man… 

By the way, tuna and avocado are excellent together!   

Questions on clones

(questions presented by Omni)

Would YOU see a clone as a fully human being, with a soul if you believe in such things? If you said "yes," ask yourself: Would you hire a clone to work in an important position in your company? How about as a babysitter for your child? Would you be willing to be close friends with a clone? Would you adopt a cloned child? Would you date a clone? Allow your kids to befriend one? Want your daughter to marry one? Would you love half-clone grandchildren as much as "regular" ones? Could you ever feel really, REALLY sure that the unnatural manipulation of DNA hadn't produced something monstrous as a by-product?

Yes, yes yes yes yes yes yes….and to the last question, I have no qualms whatsoever. Here's the thing, I don't believe in physical requirements for souls. Our souls live with or without our bodies, therefore there is no requirement for sperm and egg or anything else for a being to have a soul. Thus, clones are no different than any other creature, it was just created in a different manner. Maybe there are more chances to screw up the dna, but dna is constantly mutating as it is. Do we consider those with downs syndrome monsters? Or any other genetic mutation? So what's the difference? I think it's all beyond silly to argue about, especially considering how difficult it is to clone anything, much less a human.

So officially I will go on record as saying, I have no qualms with clones. I don't know that I would clone myself, as it'd be wierd having a twin that was also my child. But someone else's clone? Sure, why not. Our personalities are obviously not all genetic or twins wouldn't be different. Now, it could be really interesting to see how much of our memories are held in our cells and dna, so I'd love to see some past life regression on clones. Talk about fascinating! But I don't expect to see much in the way of cloning for a damn long time.

It’s not a diet

it's a lifestyle change.  After extensive conversations with an online friend who knows a lot about nutrition and the body, we've decided to give it a try.  Here are the rules.  They are kept simple, so I'm sure there are details we'll learn in time, but this is a good start.

1.  Don't mix meat and starches (ie. potatoes) as the digestive enzymes needed for each cancel each other out.  That's why the food 'sticks to your ribs', it can't digest!  Thus, the food is practically pointless as far as the body is concerned.

2.   More fresh fruits and vegetables.  The more processed a food is, the less value it has for your body.  Fresh foods already contain nutrients that our bodies need, thus eating more allows us to improve our general health.  Most fruits and vegetables are negative calorie food, which means we can eat them and lose weight without exercise.  Of course, we need to exercise, it's not an excuse, just a bonus!

3.  And most important of all, no processed wheat.   I'll try to explain why in my limited knowledge and lack of terminology.  Basically, processed wheat clogs up our system.  The little 'fingers' that grab nutrients get clogged up by the sticky stuff.  When you continue to eat these products, these 'fingers' can degenerate, limiting your ability to absorb nutrients.  This is why many adults have problems digesting raw fruits and vegetables…our systems have degenerated.  After a week or two, however, the body can replenish itself and digest good food properly.  

So that's what we've been doing for a whole 48 hours or so now.  We already see improvement in our bowel movements, which is good.  I won't go into detail on that one   We're also realizing how hard it is to keep wheat out of your diet!  We'll introduce it back after the detox time, but then with whole grains which is the better compromise. 

I guess we'll see how this helps.  My friend found by changing her diet her fibromyalga has been cured, as has her anxiety problems.  Many problems can be directly related to vitamin defficencies, and our diet is the easiest way to take care of that.  I can't wait to see how this helps! 

More of the same vs change

Why is it that we are so much more sensitive to changes? Or, why is it that things so quickly lose their luster, at least for me? For instance, I can sense a change in energy, but if it stays the same for a while, I can't feel anything. One example is our salt lamp. When we first got it, the change was noticable. Now it's just this lamp in my room. I'm sure I'd miss it if I removed it, but it's not as magical as when we first bought it. That doesn't mean it doesn't work, but I can't really tell without removing it.

This is why I say I may have an addictive personality. Things quickly lose their effectiveness with me, whether it's a medication, an activity, or apparently a crystal, I need change before too long. Maybe it isn't just me, and everyone feels this, but I've been more aware of it as of late. Maybe that's just how the body works. We're very sensitive to small changes in temperature, for instance, but if the temperature is constant we don't really notice it. It's the same with energy for me. I can feel a difference, but if it doesn't change over an area, then it's like I can't feel it at all. Oh, for example, the other day at the chiropractor. Since I couldn't see anything, I couldn't rely on my senses to determine if she was still in the room. But since there didn't appear to be a change in energy, I couldn't 'sense' her, though I realize now that should have told me she hadn't left. That's where doubt kicks my ass I guess.

Does this mean I'm doomed to have to constantly change things around in order to not get bored? Is that even a bad thing? I guess time will tell.

It happens to everyone

Having just read this, I'm a mixture of sadness and solidarity. Who would expect famous people to face the same uncomfortable discrimination as anyone else? I didn't, though I probably should have. It just goes to show you that fame doesn't protect you from life, or good old fashioned prejudice.

Does it hurt more when you're famous and it happens? I can see how it could be a more rude awakening when you don't normally face it. But then again, I can also see how it can be refreshing. I mean, prejudice sucks, but at least it's real! You know where they stand, unlike those who try to hide their hate behind falsehoods. So does that actually make it better? I don't know…I tend to like my illusions when they make me feel better. I've lived my life ignoring people around me, allowing me to survive. Am I really brave enough to let those old coping mechanisms go in favor of truth and reality at all times?

This is when things get hard…

A quick recommendation

I've been reading Tammy Lynn Michaels blog today, and it's just fascinating.  She has so much wisdom for 30 (or 31), it's a joy to read her writings.  Her level of fame is irrelevant, because she's a bright shining light in this world.  And I need all the bright shining lights I can get to keep mine shining.    So check her out.  I've been reading from the bottom up, so I'm still back in spring of 05, but it's been good thus far.