An interesting day

I asked my friend Tir to come over today and help me change the belts on my car, since the engine makes noises and the mechanic said they were getting old.  I didn't actually check them myself (silly me) and called around for pricing. It's insanely expensive to change three belts. Thankfully, my friend is smart and is used to troubleshooting and checking fluids and all that, having just returned from Iraq.  It turns out, it was just my power steering fluid that was low, and my car is fine now.  You would think the mechanic would check for that, but oh well.

The rest of the day we chatted about all sorts of things.  Tir has a fitness degree, and is doing traditional chinese medicine stuff also.  She brought a big book over to give Carrie some ideas to start strengthening the muscles in her leg.  That was really useful information.  

After supper, Carrie has a seizure, just out of the blue, though she was tired.  After she came out Tir did a bunch of energy work with her, calming her energy down and getting things aligned quite a bit better.  Carrie feels so much better already.  It isn't a permanent solution, but cleaning up the energy will help Carrie heal the rip in her spirit because she doesn't have to fight all of the other blockages and chaos.  

I'm pretty tired now, and am going to bed.  But I'm very thankful for Tir's help today, with my car and my wife.  Not to mention the fun of hanging out with a friend.  :-) 

I almost forgot the message!

Aha!  Something important to mention.  Last night, as I was lying down to go to sleep, I picked up this crystal that I kept near the salt lamp (the name escapes me at the moment).  The crystal is to help you center yourself, though I haven't messed with it in quite some time.  But last night I picked it up, held it for a few seconds, and went to go put it back down.  As I did that, I had this feeling and somehow knew that Carrie would make it through this just fine.  I didn't hear any words, nor was I even thinking about her and the stuff she's going through, I was just looking at the crystal.  It was just a pure thought sent to me.  

I've had this happen once before, when I was worrying about Holloway and whether she was alright.  I was doing something completely unrelated, walking to the bus stop I believe, when I just had this feeling come over me and I knew she was doing just fine and to stop worrying about her.  So I guess my worries about receiving messages are not needed, because when it's really important, I get the information I need.  Sure, I'd love to know when she's going to make it through, but I don't think anyone knows that.  It all depends on how she handles things.  For now, I'm thankful for the information I have received, and take it as the gift it is.  

I wonder if that information comes from Chuckma or Kendra?  

Finally working

After a three week break for the health emergency, I'm finally working on research again.  It feels like I'm eternally rewriting code since it doesn't do exactly what I want it to do.  Even when I have a working code, I can open the same code the next day and it will refuse to work, which makes research a slow process.  I do believe I'm getting closer to having real information however.  And it feels good to be doing something when I need to ask for my tuition to be paid for this summer.  It's better to give someone something they want in exchange for their money. 

Of course, work is also slow because I open trillian and chat with friends.  Of course, I know I could get more done if I kept it closed, but oh well.  I'll find that discipline when it's truly necessary.  For now I try to balance the two.  And this summer, I'll have to force myself into balancing so I can get this data analyzed and published by the end of the summer.  

Well, there are storms moving in again (pray for hail damage!) so we're going to run to taco bell and get some food.  I'll try to have something substantial to say this weekend! 

I apologize

To those people who have asked me for money randomly in parking lots, or drive throughs, I apologize for initially being rude.  

I've recently caught myself in certain situations where I initially answer a person begging with "what?", which comes out rather rudely.  Once they start talking, I soften a bit, but why do I have to be an asshole at first?  I know what they need, yet I punish them in a way for asking.  I don't really do this when they're at a median or street corner, but I believe it's because I expect it there.   When I'm in a parking lot, it's an interruption. 

Today, a guy was actually pretty nice, and you could see how broke he was (emotionally and physically).  Target is right by mcdonalds and taco bell, and he said he was just really hungry and wanted to eat.  He has a job, and just needed to survive until tomorrow.   At that point, I recognize I've been an ass, and it took courage for this guy to approach us, even though we were already in our car.  Since we had just eaten at Ihop for $10 (including tip, kickass coupons!) I gave him my last $4 cash, since I had expected to use that at Ihop anyway.  

I'm not sure how to catch myself behaving in a way I don't wish to in order to prevent the actions, but I need to try.  I am not proud of that behavior, and it is not who I wish to be.  If I choose to give, I must give freely, without negative attitude.  And even if I can't give, I can give love, which I am not giving if I have a bad attitude.  This must change. 

lessons in natural healing

Today, I woke up dead tired. I guess my body still hasn’t figured out how to live on under 6 hours of sleep. Anyway, after struggling to stay awake in my sensors class, I decided to go outside and maybe take a nap. Instead I spent a lot of time noticing really neat rocks in the courtyard area of RLM. After a time I decided to lie down, but the sun was so bright I couldn’t sleep. I gave up after another couple of minutes, and then observed how interesting it is to view the world after saturating your eyes. I imagine that’s what colorblindness looks like.

After resting in the sun and playing with the rocks, I felt a lot better, but also hungry. Since I’m low on money, I decided taco bell was the only real option. On the UT campus we have this awesome pond filled with turtles and fish. On sunny days they can be loads of fun to watch, and today was the best. There were at least 5 tiny baby turtles, only an inch in diameter. I sat and watched one try so hard to climb up a rock to get some sun, and it did finally make it. Talk about determination! I also saw two of the softshelled turtles. That was crazy to watch. The one just kept zipping around, not caring that it ran into things all over the place. At one point it actually nudged the other, which is the only reason I knew there were two. When those things settle into the mud, you can’t see them at all!

After I watched the turtles, I was feeling so great! Nature just has a way of healing whatever ails you, if you give it a chance. Unfortunately, it didn’t wake me up quite enough, because when I got to taco bell I ordered my food wrong. I never eat meat at taco bell, and instead of getting beans in my crunchwrap supreme, I got meat. It’s not a pleasant suprise! But I ate it anyway, with the hope I’ll never forget to order my food correctly again! (I can still taste it, and I’ve eating quite a few other things today. yuck!)

Overall, today was great. I had fun with nature, finished 2/3 of my stat mech homework that isn’t due until next tuesday, finished the last lab of my wednesday group, and only have tomorrow’s group to finish up for the semester. I actually feel pretty darn stress free, how about that! I hope everyone else can have a good day too. I’m including a picture of the turtle pond I took a few weeks back. Imagine all those turtles, but now make sure the log is completely covered, and there are turtles on top of many of those turtles, large and small, and that will give you an idea of what today looked like.

My horoscope

Patricia, over at http://litebluedrifter.wordpress.com/ was kind enough to do a personal horoscope using my birth details for me.  I thought I would share that here.  By the way, her sun sign astrology is pretty interesting, and if you'd like a personal report, you can request it.  Take a peek at her website for mor information.

This report will be about prosperity.

In a quite moment, a creative individual experiences the flow of inspiration. ~~sabian symbol

You have some brilliant possibilities from what has come before. Times have been rough and you really need the money. Prosperity is right around the corner. Your charm can have you talking your way into things while transiting Saturn nudges your Jupiter in the 3rd with a nice aspect to Mercury in the 7th. This is where taking care of your wife comes in. You aren’t all out with your charm though. You only need just enough and the rest is shut off to anyone that tries to get in. That is best. With a cautious and reserved attitude you will be making a sweeping change for the better. Progress is assured. Continue in the motivation that is pushed by integrity. This will be recognized and you will be able to move ahead.

I was a little confused about one aspect, so I asked her to clarify.  Here is the clarification regarding the middle part.

I’m talking about charm and ways you can use your charming personality to your advantage. The way to prosperity is to communicate and put yourself out there, but only just enough. Still keep parts of your personality to yourself. The 3rd and the 5th that I spoke of are the house systems in your chart. Its better for me to omit the astrology mumbo jumbo, so its easier to understand. Health is only a side comment that confused things as well. I was focusing on prosperity. Overall, talk about your ideas for more money but don’t overdo it. You will know.

This put some fears to bed, first off.  I have been worrying more than I should about money because I'm not getting as much financial aid as I expected, so I'm not getting any loan money back.  I needed to get at least 900 back to balance out the lack of pay I get.  Carrie should be starting ACC this summer though, if we can get her parents financial aid information at least.  So she can take out loans, and that will also help.  So I'm not super concerned, I know something will come up to make this work, but it's still hard not to worry.   

wintery water dream

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately, but having to wake up to an alarm and instantly remember to get Carrie’s medication is wiping out my memory. So the only things I remember are dreams I have afterwards. The one I just finished was quite odd though, and I remember quite a bit for once.

Carrie and I were in an apartment that butted up against the water and ice (normally not a good place for a house!). I looked outside, and in the shallower water, which was shallow because there was an ice shelf of sorts, I saw a huge turtle, with a shell around a foot across with this loooong neck. I told Carrie, and as I was pointing it out I saw an even larger turtle, probably 2 feet across swim up. I ran to get the camera, but as soon as i left the house they started leaving. Also, the water was impossible to see into well due to all the light glare (which wasn’t a problem in the house…wierd). So we keep walking along the river, and the water level is pretty low, with exposed rocks and ice formations along the edge, reaching pretty far into the river. We decide it’s safe enough to walk out on them a ways. I saw at one point they went out really far, and though maybe we should go there, but we didn’t yet. We end up walking to a road that I didn’t remember seeing at first, and keep walking along it so we can look around the whole river.

As we are walking back towards the shore, we pause to look the other direction, which is hard to describe. There’s no direct sunlight, it’s frozen solid in that direction (the sun is to our back). There is also a suspension bridge not far down. As we’re looking around, things seem to be changing, though it’s only in the light reflections that I can see it. The ice doesn’t appear to move, yet all the shadows do. The shadows must be coming from the open water on the other side of the road. Then, all of a sudden, water splashes up in to the air, to a height of 20 or 30 feet or even more! We can’t see why, but we’re scared, so we take off running to get back on shore. As we reach the shore the splashing settles down. A woman comes out of her house right there, and she’s wearing a little name tag that says she’s a sherriff. She asks if we heard the guy before say not to play in the river, that it was unstable, but we didn’t know anything about a guy. She mentions that he just gets back on his bus and leaves, which is a problem. As we’re chatting, the river, which was stable a little while ago, starts to move, and move drastically. All of the ice formations shift. There is a little girl and her mom out on them, and the mom grabs her daughter in time, and I assume they both get to safety. But it was a close call.

When such strange things happen in a dream that are clearly not related to my concerns of the hour (homework being due, etc) then I wonder about them more. I have no idea what this dream is about. If I had gone out on those farther rocks, we might have been caught up by the river. But we took a safer route, which kept us safe when everything went to hell. Perhaps we aren’t supposed to risk too much right now, to stick to a safer route because unexpected things can happen? To be a little more cautious, and patient, rather than rushing ahead where our basic desires lead us? And maybe to just take things in with our eyes and memory, rather than rushing to grab a camera and capture it in another way. Enjoy the moment as it happens? Hmm…

Thoughts on money and prosperity

I've been playing the Prosperity Game for 11 days now.  During this time I've had to evaluate some of my personal goals and ideas about money and prosperity.  I distinguish these because money isn't necessarily prosperity.  I view prosperity as having enough money and resources to live the life I want to live.  Therefore there isn't a magic dollar amount I have in mind, but a goal of feeling a sense of well-being, rather than stress when it comes to life.  

I've decided part of my goal is that no matter how much money I have, no one should really know.  If you can tell the difference in me from when I have money, and when I don't (besides the stress levels) then I have failed.  Money does not make someone better than someone else, nor does it give you privileges others don't have.  And if I'm acting as if any of these things aren't true, then I have lost my sense of self.  I firmly believe that a person can become rich in comparison to others, and still be the same person they were before.  You don't have to throw money around, and you don't have to treat others poorly.  So that is one goal of mine.

Another is to be more grateful for what it is I do have.  Even though the prosperity game is a game, the feelings are very real, including gratitude.  It's hard because gratitude is a new focus for me, but I believe it helps the process along.  I believe it can also help a person be more humble, which I need at times.  So there are extra benefits. 

There are many other little issues that pop up randomly that I try to confront head on.  It can be hard, but it's also really important to face things rather than ignore them.  I feel I've done more growing in the past 3 weeks than I have in months, and it's quite fascinating!  There are probably people out there who wouldn't get that by looking at their view towards money and prosperity, they would need to focus on something else.  But I believe if you find the biggest issue in your life and focus on it, the rest of your life will improve by default.  So find that area, and focus on improving it.  See what kind of change comes your way! 

Rebellion

I've been thinking about rebellion the other day, and what purpose it serves. You see, I've been rebelling for much of my life in one way or another. As a kid I tried to do all the things the boys did, and didn't let the 'girl' thing stop me. As I became more conscious as a young adult, I rebelled against things I saw as pointless: dress codes, music choices, book choices, religion, language. For me it wasn't about attention, because that was the last thing I wanted. I've come to realize it's all about freedom.

Why is our society set up so that the only way to really have personal freedom is to rebel? Why can't we just let people live in peace? I don't get off on pushing people's buttons, I don't want to make a scene (in general), and I have a tendency to follow rules that make sense. But as soon as you make me feel like I don't have a choice, I'll fight you like crazy!

I think freedom is our most valuable gift, which is why I fight when it's taken away. But it's still interesting to me that rebellion is the only option I've seen work. Perhaps that's because we label rebellion anything that is freedom seeking. I don't really know, as words aren't my strong suit. However, if that is so, then I say, rebel, rebel, rebel until you feel free! We are freedom seeking beings, so seek your freedom!

Less fear

Ever since Carrie filled me in on her last conversation with Kendra, I've found myself less fearful.  I wish I could figure out exactly why though.  I think it may be three-fold.

1.  I finished Home with God, and it has reinforced ideas about death that allow me to relax a bit.  I don't need to fear death because it won't happen before I mean it to.  And even if I 'accidentally' die, I can decide I'm not finished and come back just fine.  But, then again another part of me says that being critically injured would suck more than death I'm sure, so I don't want to be too reckless. 

2.  I am beginning to understand Chuckma's role in my life more.  As long as I'm going with the flow of things, nothing will happen that I'm not prepared for.  He's regulating my flow of information it seems, in addition to the physical protection he always lent me, which is certainly comforting.  I think I'm ok with that, since it's something I agreed to at some point anyway.  And since I've learned more, he's more prevalent in my consciousness at times when I would normally be a little afraid.  So it seems like it was good to learn a little more about our relationship.  

3.  Playing the prosperity game doesn't just align my thoughts towards prosperity, but to an overall sense of well-being.  Perhaps it's because a majority of my stress is money related, or maybe it's because as my well-being increases in one area it increases in another also.  No matter what the cause, I'm certainly enjoying my new well-being.  It's hard to be fearful when you feel good.   

I'm really enjoying my more relaxed state.  It's funny that it took so many years to get to this point, but that's ok.  I'm enjoying it now and doing my best to make it last!