When old beliefs collide with new

The transition between old and new can be difficult, when a situation pops up that pushes both of them.  I'll try to explain, without incriminating the person involved, because it's not necessary.  This isn't about that person, but about me and my beliefs.  

 

Growing up, I believed in what the church taught about sex, which is to not have it before marriage.  It was a very convenient belief for me.  It allowed me to have an excuse not to really date, though deep inside I had to know that it wasn't right for me, well, sex with boys at least.   Also, I have this assumption that older guys with teenage girls are doing it for some wrong reasons.  Some get a kick out of virgins, some find it easier to manipulate the youngins, which I think is a common issue.  It's also why we have statutory rape laws (one reason at least).  So that's my old issues.

 

As I've learned now in my spiritual pursuits, that all our rules around sex are pretty arbitrary, and meant for control in the end.  That includes teenagers (who are having sex anyway, because it's natural and all that), and even if the teenagers have sex with someone too old for them.  If they are both consenting, and not meaning harm (which excludes those people who manipulate to get laid for example) then there's nothing wrong with it.  

 

But herein lies the problem.  When someone, say your child, or a friend, or a student, tells you that they had sex, with someone you feel is too old for them, how do you react?   Well, I luckily had the advantage of being online, so there was space and some time to ponder.  But, I did get the strangest feeling ever in my head.  When I read the words, it was like a grey fog rolled into my forehead.  I really don't know why, since you wouldn't expect a reaction there, but maybe in the gut.  I don't know that I'll know why it hit there, but I have some theories.  I'm going to keep them private though, out of respect.  

 

So after the physical reaction, there is the confusion, of why the hell did you think that was a good idea?!  Lol, because, even though there's nothing 'wrong' with it, I think most times young people don't understand the implications that comes with having sex.  I don't know that any of us know them half the time, but our emotions can get pretty crazy.  It can complicate a relationship, especially if things don't go as well as people hoped.   And in the worst case scenario, there can be condom failure which brings about children or stds.  So it's a risk physically and emotionally.  

 

All of these things were running through my mind, including the issue of any older guy having sex with a teenager.  At what point did that not trigger big red flags?!  I remember being that age, and I lost my mind one night and started something that I quickly bailed on, with a friend who was 15 at the time.  I was 21.  Afterwards, I had quite a talking to from myself, because even though she was sexually experienced, we were in two different places.  I, as the older, more responsible one (you would hope) needed to set the example and control myself.  Believe me, part of me didn't want to stop, but it was the right thing to do.  No real good would have come from it beyond that night, and that's not fair to anyone.  So when others don't think about the reality of the situation before them, it makes me want to slap them up a bit.  

 

However, in the end, I do accept and understand that it is the individual's choice to make.  I can put forth things to think about, but I can't force a person to make a choice that I think is better.  And hell, in the end, I don't know if my idea is better.  However, I do know there is a lot less risk in my 'less teenage sex' plan.  I know that it can suck, but hell, I didn't get sexually involved with people really until I was 19, and she ended up being my wife a few years down the road.  But, that's made a lot easier when people masturbate more.  I mean, our bodies enjoy sexual release, and it can be very healthy and help keep us in balance energetically.  To tell kids to have no sex and not masturbate is just stupid and creating sexually unhealthy people.  But I digress.

 

Now that time has passed, I'm more and more ok with the situation.  I don't like it really, but I understand it.  I'm not too old that I forget what those times are like.  And hell, once I had this whole gender thing figured out, I didn't really have any rules as far as sex went.  If I wanted to, I did.  If I didn't, I tried to find an easy out.  :-)  But I was also an adult, and could keep my emotions in check better than when I was a teenager and a bit lost as far as emotions and sexuality were concerned.  Ok, so maybe I'm not completely through working on this issue, but I'm getting there.  In another 20 years when my kids are having sex, I think I might have it down by then so I don't go off!  hahaha