I lost a fish

Literally, we lost a fish today.  They all got moved to a separate pan so we could change the gravel, I put fish back in after it was all filled up, and lo and behold there are only 4 zebras!  We started with 5!  How do you lose a fish without noticing?  It’s kinda creepy though, because that means there is a fish, somewhere…and it’s obviously not alive.  How do you find a tiny dead fish?  ugh…

 

A note:  We’re guessing a cat had to have a tasty treat, because we don’t smell a dead fish.  I swear we had 5 fish before we started this venture…now I’m just confused as to how a fish disappeared, probably into the gut of a kitty.  How did I not notice?  lol

I did it!

Lol, well, it wasn’t much, but I did the daily 16 today, though not many reps of any.  I didn’t want to overdo it and be sore for 3 days.  The whole goal right now is to ease into working out a few days a week.  The less I push, the easier it is to do because it’s a positive activity for the body, rather than a painful thing to avoid.  I did enough reps to feel some burn, but I didn’t go to exhaustion, which is perfect. 

 

The first step is the hardest…but the second step isn’t easy either!  lol, so, now I need to keep my goal in mind, my wheel of focus in front of me, so I repeat this all on thursday.  And now, it’s time to work a little so I can do homework. 

The focus wheel process

This is supposed to be the process that gets things moving into your life the fastest.  It’s chapter 38 in The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent by Esther and Jerry Hicks (the Teachings of Abraham).

 

First, take out a piece of paper and draw a big circle.  Then draw a smaller, approx 2″ circle inside.  Take a moment to think about something you feel negatively about.  Determine what it is that you don’t want.  Now, figure out what it is that you want.  Write that in the circle. 

I wrote, “I want energy, health, and wellnes; to be balanced.”  This has been a struggle for me for years, and it’s time for a change! 

Next, make little tick marks (or write the numbers) around the circle, like a clock.  Start writing down statements that match your goals at each point on the clock.  You’ll know when they are a vibrational match, as they’ll improve your feeling rather than reinforce the negative feelings.

Here are my 12 in order of their appearance:

12.  There are days when I have plenty of energy.

1.  I know by improving my mood I can increase my energy.

2.  I’ve gotten in shape in the past.

3.  I’m not horribly out of shape, just a little.

4.  I am already taking my vitamins.

5.  I have all the equipment I need to get in shape in the apartment.

6.  I also know many qigong methods to increase and balance my energy.

7.  I tend to eat well.

8.  I will look better as I get in shape.

9.  My clothes will be more comfortable.

10.  I’ll feel better about myself as I get in shape.

11.  My mood will improve with increased energy (completing the cycle of mood and energy).

 

At the end of this process, it’s easy to feel encouraged about your goals.  Just thinking about this gives me more energy!  It’s already working! :-) 

 

I hope everyone gives this a real try.  I’m going to continue posting various techniques and my own practice of them to not only help me focus, but to share the process with others.  Of course I highly recommend the books, as a good understanding of the Law of Attraction, Law of Allowing, and Law of Deliberate Creation are crucial to fully utilizing this.  If the books are too expensive at the moment, check out the free Introduction to Abraham cd located here.  I listen to it almost daily to reinforce the laws and help me utilize them to my advantage.  I do not want to create by default anymore.  It’s my hope that no one else does either.  Best of luck to everyone. 

never enough time

The beginning of the semester is a struggle in time management. Coming off break, and entering a completely new schedule makes fitting everything in pretty tough for me. For instance, tonight I’ve spent the entire evening working on research, which mean modifying matlab code and trying to figure out how to get the data I needed. On a good note, I managed to figure out how to loop through and get the data points I needed. But, the theoretical calculations are still quite off, and that’s not good. Not only is that far more difficult code to work through, but it may involve rewriting the code so I get information in cartesian instead of cylindrical coordinates, which may or may not be a bear. The problem is, I want to just keep plugging away, but I can’t because I have other things to get done.

Our first stat mech assignment is due next tuesday. Part of the assignment is to corrrect an error in an equation, which he doesn’t reference specifically! So, it’s search through a stack of books and hope you stumble on it! I mean, what is this, a class or a scavenger hunt?! lol And, I’ve tried reading the book, but it’s just flying through my head, and definately not stopping to visit. So I’m going to sit down and look at the book with the homework open and see if that helps. You never know!

And, the easiest of all my time constraints is grading. With only 2 sections it should only take 4 hours a week. But, I left the papers at school, so I didn’t grade on the weekend like I should. That means I need to grade tomorrow so the kids know all the myriad of things they need to correct.

Then, outside of school, I need to start working out. I realized I’ve put on just too much weight, and can’t wait any longer to start removing it. My goal during the semester is to just stop the growth, and then come summer really hit it to drop some pounds. Right now it’s an asthetic issue, but I also know that just adding a pound a month turns into 12 a year, and it’s always harder to take off. And as more weight adds on, you tend to be less healthy. Besides, I feel like a jackass when I get tired walking up stairs. My plan, then, is to start with the Marine Corps daily 16 workout, with just 15 minutes on the bike after. That should get my body moving, and slowly get my muscles back in shape a bit. Then this summer we’ll add in weight training and stuff. For now, I think this is a good place to start…tomorrow That’s the plan at least. Wish me luck!

resolving conflicting communication with god

Many people claim to have spoken directly to god.  I don’t want to discount their experience, because it is quite real for them, but I can’t help but wonder about the inconsistencies.  One person gets the message of ultimate love, unconditional and without judgement, another gets that homosexuality is wrong (which is a judging statement to begin with).  There are many examples of this, as evident in the many religions on earth. 

 

Today, a thought came to me.  I know there are many wise beings that exist in the non-physical, and they communicate with us in many ways.  Things brings up a few options. 

1.  People are talking to these beings, rather than god.  Because we are all part of god, and in fact god ourselves, these beings would not be lying if they answered the question, “Are you god?” with “yes”.  But, their meaning of god and the questioners meaning of god are not the same. 

2.  I do believe that every being in the universe (everything) is looking to experience.  This is why we have different lives in the physical and non-physical, to experience more.  So if there is an actual non-physical entity that could be called god as we would view it, it would not want to spend it’s entire existance as this god, for that would limit it’s experience and growth, which is counter to the purpose of existence.  Therefore, I can’t help but wonder if we have a revolving god of sorts, where the being that holds it decides they don’t want to hold it anymore, and instead wants to experience something else.  Then a new being takes over as our god, and we humans don’t know the difference.  Could this explain the difference in messages, at least in part?  I think so.  Of course, I have no way to know if this is true right now, but it’s an interesting theory. 

3.  Of course there is also the human element, alluded to in point 1.  We, as humans, have a limited perspective from which to understand things.  So if a being says “I am god” we understand that from our perspective and our mythology, and view that being as the only god, the only ultimate being, which is not true.  And if you were to actually ask that being if it were the only god, it could answer one of two ways and still be correct. 

yes - because all is one, there is only one, therefore there is only one god, only one thing that is everything

no - we are all god, everything that exists is a portion of god, and therefore there are countless gods

 

You can see how this could quickly get confusing if the being you are communicating with is not making a huge effort to be understood.  Even then, we can end up corrupting the message, because we aren’t capable of understanding from our perspective when it is so far away from the being’s perspective. 

 

I don’t know how to resolve these issues.  In the end, I don’t think it matters, because I have to go with my own gut.  The writings of Neale Donald Walsh and Esther and Jerry Hicks resonate with me.  My gut tells me they’re true.  They may not be complete truth, and there are always going to be misunderstandings, but they are mostly truth.  In the end, everyone needs to take the time to see what really resonates with them, to know what is their truth at this time.  Blindly following and accepting just because it is what you’ve always known is not going to cut it anymore.  It’s that gnawing uncertainty in the bottom of your gut that’s asking for attention.  Pay attention to it, and find the happiness that you’ve been seeking but have been unable to find.  It is available for everyone, no matter what has happened in your life.  Isn’t it time you found some for yourself?

wierd animal dreams

I rarely have dreams involving animals, so when I do they stand out a little more.  Though as I write this the memory is fading. 

 

For some reason I’m at this house.  Outside there are fenced pastures with wild animals, like bears, and I think lions, and wolves.  The two pastures are right next to each other, as if you had one big one and put a fence down the middle lengthwise.  For a large portion of the dream this wasn’t a problem.  Then, what started as a lion I think, tried to jump from the farther pasture to the nearer one.  At first one didn’t make it, but then a bear did.  Maybe the lion morphed into a bear, not sure.   I started to run, cause I’m not overly fond of dying.  I don’t make it, and have to wrestle this bear, which isn’t huge, but a handful.  My hands are getting all scratched up and stuff, but nothing is seriously hurt.  I force the bear back behind the gate, which is suprisingly flimsy.  It’s your standard chainlink fence gate with the lock that just flips up and down.  I hold the animal in there for a second (by the collar.  bears wear dog collars?!) and run like hell to the house.  The bear has to back up first before it can jump over, which is why I held it by the fence, to give me a head start.  I make it inside just in time.

 

I try to call the cops, but the first phone doesn’t work.  I don’t think the second did either, but then the first one worked on second try.  Some people show up, and the bear is no trouble for them, which is wierd.  I mean, the bear was nice, rolled on it’s back, not trouble at all.  It makes me think it was just playing before, but I wasn’t amused.  You know how that is, when you know someone is playing, but you are going to get hurt anyway?  It’s not very fun then.  And that’s about the extent of what I remember regarding the bear.

 

There was also a wolf that came up to the door, who I called snowy, because she was a white arctic wolf like Tir’s.  I just partially opened the door, but she wormed herself in, and was quite sweet.  But I knew it was a wolf, and was cautious. 

 

This marks the second dream with wolves in.  The first time they were just watching, and were more ‘normal’ looking to me, with the thick grey fur you expect up north.  Not that I’ve seen wolves in person, but the stuff you see in movies.  Tonight was an arctic wolf, which I only know because I’ve met Tir’s 3/4 wolf who is sweet.  Here she was just curious and playing a little, rolling on her back to be pet. 

 

I’m not sure what to make of the bears though.  In the end I wasn’t hurt, just scratched and scared.  Perhaps it’s a message about fears, and they’re not as bad as I think they are.  “What you fear isn’t as dangerous as you think.”  I don’t really know what the bear itself represents, and dream interpretation never makes much sense to me.  The only attribute I assign to bears is protectiveness of their young.  But this bear wasn’t protecting anything, and in general bears don’t make such a serious effort to chase you down for no reason, so this wasn’t normal bear behavior from what I understand.  (Nature shows can be handy!)  Hmm…I think this goes into the list as yet another confusing dream, but my partial interpretation makes some sense for now.  And that’s what is important in the end, what the dream means to me.  It’s why I don’t buy dream interpretation books, I think they’re basically a waste of time and money.  But it amuses other people, so whatever works. 

 

*edit*  It turns out Carrie had a very similar dream.  She was in woods though, and there was a bear, sitting in front of her.  She takes off to run, the bear chases her all the way into plains.  She sees a single small house and gets inside.  The bear just sits down on it’s haunches and waits.  She gets worried because the bear isn’t going to leave, and she needs to get help. 

 

I wonder what it means when we both have similar dreams?  This does happen occasionally.  Once when we were back at my parents house, we both dreamt about being in a gunfight for example.  And these are common things for us to dream about, so it’s not just random alignment. 

 

Something to note:  the synchronous dreams at my parents were right around this time of the month also, because it was after christmas and before new years.  What is the difference in energy?  I mean, we have different cycles, so it can’t be our bodies, or can it?  I would think it’s more related to the moon than us.  So, right now it’s a new moon.  And, the new moon in December was the 30th.  What is it about the new moon that creates similar dreams?  Has anyone else experienced this?  If anyone has any ideas, I’d really like to hear them. 

Brokeback Mountain

We just returned from watching Brokeback Mountain.  I can now safely say I understand why people love this movie.  It’s beautiful, amazingly acted, funny, and intriguing.  I think a lot of people have a person in their life that they couldn’t put behind them, no matter where they were.  And this is a great love story.  As time goes on these guys share a tenderness and level of caring that we don’t often see from men in movies.  Besides, everyone wants to find a person who gets them, and they can trust. 

 

My concerns about this movie were primarily about how they dealt with sex.  Quite simply, I’m not fond of seeing graphic sex scenes, because they make me uncomfortable.  There are no graphic sex scenes in this movie, though Carrie is traumatized because they show Anne Hathaway topless, which is wierd after watching Princess Diaries!  :-)  But overall, the sex is very tastefully done, what little there is.  And no, not a single part of me thinks that Jack was predatory or manipulative in a dangerous way.  Ennis was a willing participant from the very beginning, he just had to fight his demons during the process, not fight Jack.  So those claims by the religious right and ex-gays are baseless propoganda.

 

But, I can see how the ex gays and religious right are scared by this movie.  It shows the ugly reality of living a lie and trying to force yourself into what society wants from you.  Life is nowhere near as fulfilling, even when it appears to be what you should want.  And scarier for the ex-gays, even a wife and kids cannot make you straight.  If you’re truly not gay anymore, than this movie is not a threat to you.  And if it is, then you’re still gay, it’s that simple. 

 

I hope people watch this and come away with the most important lesson of all:  be true to yourself.  You do deserve to be happy, even if that means you have to go against the grain.  Don’t let fear hold you back, and don’t try to make things go away.  Face your fears, face your truth, be who you are.  It’s the only way to be happy in this world. 

 

I truly enjoyed this movie, and loved the scenery.  I want to go back to Wyoming so bad right now!  The mountains, and the streams.  I really miss the streams.  Streams, rocks, open air, it’s beyond beautiful, it’s a truly spiritual experience.  I may have to get this movie just because it’s so pretty :-) 

Imported!

Hey, all my old posts were imported from my old blog.  In time I’ll categorize them, and private ones that are more appropriately kept private.  I mean, that was the point of getting this blog.  But for now, everything is wide open to read.  Ooh, I can’t wait to categorize!!!

 

Now, it’s time for bed. 

I found this today

 

So I’m not sure exactly how this works, but it sounds interesting.  Omni, I saw you listed, do you know about how this works, and what it gets you?

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