My Old Poems

These are from the same timeframe, age 20-22 or so.

My old songs

I’m just going to put these all in one post, for simplicity.  I’m pretty sure they haven’t been posted earlier.  I’ll put them behind a cut.  I really just want a backup to my hard drive.

Two Sides of Punk (from 2001)

I just learned geocities is shutting down.  I have a lot of old writing on there that I’m going to archive here.  It might be enlightening to see who I was in my early 20s. lol

I entered this contest on a whim. They wanted personal stories about punk. So I wrote about my brother and myself, two completely different aspects of punk. Suprisingly I won (it’s voted on the internet) So check it out, I’m pretty happy about it. Honestly, I wrote it in around 5 minutes so I didn’t edit or anything.

Two Sides of Punk

I am a punk, though you wouldn’t know by looking at me. My short, almost military haircut doesn’t look shockingly spiked with gel. My hair is its original dark brown color, and I wear clean, matching clothes. But in my heart I am all punk. I write songs criticizing those who judge me and my life: organized religion, the military, and close-minded societies as a whole, all of which I have too much experience with. But in my punk attitude I play by the rules. I hold a steady, well paying job. I show up on time and work on what I’ve been assigned. But I’m always aware of injustice lurking around the corner.

My brother is your classic punk. His hair is disheveled; no hair gel or even a comb has touched it in a year. This is just the latest in a long list of hairstyles ranging from shaved to a 6 inch multicolored mohawk. His clothes never match; sometimes they are washed. Most of his clothes are self-decorated with patches and paintings. And he really should shower more in my opinion. His main mode of transportation is his skateboard, which he risks getting ticketed for on a daily basis. His political views put him at odds with almost every aspect of society.

He is viewed as a punk, a deadbeat, a troublemaker, while I am viewed as responsible, intelligent, and a good kid. Our political views are very similar, though he takes them to greater extremes than I. Does his look make him any more of a punk than myself? Society may think so, but I don’t listen to society. That is the spirit of punk.

Copyright 2001, Jackie Meyer

Flea killing part 2

Well, aparently spending $70 on frontline plus wasn’t enough to kill the fleas.  Grrr… So, the next step was to try a flea spray that wouldn’t use the same ingredients.  Today we tried Natrual Chemistry De Flea pet and bedding spray.  Plus: Doesn’t smell horrible, fleas died. Minus: cats were not happy, and I didn’t realize how cold the stuff was or I would have tried to warm it a little first.  They still look like drowned rats at this point, though I tried them as best I could.  I don’t want to wash the stuff off (it isn’t required anyway) so they just look funny and pissy.  However, the fleas were quickly getting out of hand so this had to be done.  I’ve been washing all the bedding, rugs, etc.  Now I get to spray the floor, vacuum and then shampoo.  I’m hoping shampooing will be more effective.

I’m not happy that the expensive stuff didn’t work, and after this I think we’ll look for some other options.  If this Natural Chemistry stuff works we’ll just stick with that since it isn’t toxic and the fleas can’t develop an immunity to it like a chemical.  Hopefully this is the last time we have to worry about fleas, they very much suck!

What Michael tells us about our society

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, throughout the years really, but today am finally getting to the point of finding my overall point.  I’m going to say all of this in a way that indicts our society, but I know there are also people that don’t fit into this category below.  If you are a person that this doesn’t apply to, that’s outstanding!  I believe I am part of the group that doesn’t fall victim to this mentality, but I know this isn’t always the case.  Therefore, I’m going to keep the wording as is.  I hope it makes you think, and just maybe helps us speak up when we see these behaviors in others.

I believe that Michael’s public life and experiences shows a major problem with our society.  We live in a society that claims to value hard work and achieving everything you are capable of.  We are to reach for our dreams, because in America you can become anything with enough hard work.  Yet, when someone does reach the top of their profession and reaches true greatness, we tear them down.  We can’t let them maintain their greatness because this serves as a reminder of our own greatness that we gave up on.  Instead of allowing someone else’s greatness inspire, we use it to trigger our own inner judgment of ourselves.  Since that doesn’t feel good, we turn that judgment outward so we don’t have to actually pay attention to the reason why we feel the way we do.

Sure, you can say that it’s the press that tears down people like Michael Jackson, but the press couldn’t continue to spread the stories they do if we, as a society, didn’t buy them.  And it goes deeper than just buying stories.  Which stories we believe?  Why is it so easy to believe that a person who is otherwise such a bright, shining, gentle soul would have such a darkness to them that they would hurt children?

Our society, in general, has a problem with sensitive souls, especially sensitive males.  We cherish this in children, but if they carry that into adulthood…then there must be something wrong with them.  So what do we do?   We make a villain out of someone because we don’t understand.  So few of us carry our own innocence into adulthood that we feel there must be something wrong with someone who can.

I believe the way our society treated Michael Jackson points to a sickness that few want to admit to.  We fear greatness and success.  We fear innocence and purity.  We resist believing that goodness can exist on it’s own.  And because of this fear, we hinder our own growth as a society and as individuals.

I’m not saying Michael was a saint.  He was human.  But I don’t believe he hurt children.  And today I received an email on a list I subscribe to by Moses Avalon, an incredibly well respected and connected person in the music industry.  I want to share what he wrote because it makes sense.  I hope he doesn’t mind, since this did go out to a very large email list.  Note: This is not the full email, just the pertinent information. Note 2: I emailed Moses and sent him the link to my blog.  He asked that I simply add a link to his blog, which I wasn’t aware of before, so I’m doing that now.

Original Post by Moses

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Moses Avalon

Over my 30 years in the music business I’ve worked, briefly, with or for more than one member of the Jackson camp. I never met Michael directly. What I know of him personally is filtered through my interactions with both “his people” and Sony as a consultant/journalist and one of his siblings whose album I worked on back in the 1980s. So, my connection to him was nothing great but I did get insight through social osmosis.  I’ll share:

1) Michael was not nor has he ever been a child molester. The first accusation was part of an elaborate stunt to get his biggest creditor, Sony, to drop him and thus release him from having to pay back hundreds of millions to his record company. It didn’t work, Sony held on and I never found out if Michael himself was privy to the inner workings of this ridiculous strategy. The second molestation charge was a cheap extortion ploy with virtually no real evidence to support it. Michael loved children. He was a child himself in many ways. It’s true that he had children sleep in his bedroom. But his bedroom was bigger than most people’s entire home. (Over 1000 sq ft) So, it’s unlikely that this was anything devious.

2) It is highly unlikely that Michael intentionally committed suicide or even attempted to do so. He loved life despite his personal issues. He would not plan a comeback tour and then off himself. He would have considered that to be “rude.”

3) Michael was a shrewd business man. He played the naive artist in front of the camera because it helped his image, but he understood the business of music quite masterfully. Enough so to engineer and maintain the largest record-deal in history: $75,000,000 a year, for ten years–guaranteed–even if he doesn’t deliver a commercially satisfactory album.

4) Michael and his family did not get along. So what? That makes him quite normal.

5) Sony Business Affairs is glad that he’s dead. Michael was about $600 Million in debt to the music giant. They had little to no hope for recoupment. Now they will recoup both with music sales and INSURANCE. Yes, let’s not forget that they insured Mr. Jackson for big bucks in the event of an untimely death (as they do many of their acts). They will probably own a stake in the Neverland ranch when the probate smoke clears and turn it into another Graceland. They will, after a lengthy legal battle, surely get some of Jackson’s Beatles catalog, as this was collateralized into his record deal. (Sony will probably let the family keep the Elephant Man skeleton.) If you’re into conspiracy theories and you’re looking for a suspect who advanced Michael’s death, don’t look to his doctors. They made more with him alive. Look to Sony. That said, I don’t think record companies kill people with prescription drugs just to collect the insurance money. This isn’t the 1980s.

*end excerpt*

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There will still be people who find it easier to believe Michael was a child molester rather than being surrounded by people who wanted to make more money off him.  People have done far more for far less.  In any case, Michael finally has peace.  I feel for the few family and friends that truly loved him and are feeling his loss acutely.  I really hope we can look at this situation as a society and learn from it before we destroy another beautiful soul with the courage.  Finally, if you still find yourself believing he is guilty (though he was never found guilty in court) I just hope you’ll ask yourself why.  Why do you see the worst in a person, without knowing whether it is true?  Because really, this isn’t about Michael but about each of us and who we want to be.

Good start

Today was a decent day.  I made some good connections at work, finished 2 assignments and submitted them, and feel overall quite good about it.  I’m testing out the new category system I setup which is a standardized method for all students at the Institute for Jedi Realist Studies.  Yes, I’ve taken some of the courses, but as we recreate them and build new ones, it’s my responsibility to work through them as well.  I believe I will focus on the communication course first, since it’s close to completion.  I will then focus on writing my next course, personal 102, and then complete whatever other workbooks need verification.  At that point, it’ll probably be Force 101 for starters.  I think it will be fun and important to go through the basics again and see just how deep I can take them.  And it’s proof to all the students that we know what they do, and that if we find the classes valuable, so should they.  I hope to get this started this week.  Fingers cross lol

A new week

Was that 3 days off?  It’s hard to tell.  We didn’t do a whole lot, so it just seemed like a blur.  Hell, the past two days I slept in until noon because of poor sleep at night and trying to get Carrie some more sleep in the morning.  So at least that improved my mood a bit.

This week starts a normal, full week where I need to complete 3 assignments, ideally.  I have 2 in, with one halfway done.  Then, I don’t know.  I’m hoping for some phone calls or emails this week from Albuquerque or Washington.  I don’t want to waste people’s time if possible, so I’ll need to plan accordingly and work on things that use others minimally.

This weekend had some positives.  I cleaned up the kitchen and did a little rearranging so there was more counter space.  Ooh, I tried true steel cut oats for the first time.  I love how they kinda pop in your mouth!  All I do is add milk and maple syrup and it’s awesome.  I don’t think I can go back to instant ever again, unless I have no choice.  I’m also happy that the local store has it in bulk for $1.65 a lb, which is a fraction of what it costs in the cereal aisle.

Carrie’s medicine has cut down the seizures, we’ve taken her off the valium, and are experimenting with the ambien every other night.  The problem is she’s been running a fever today and we don’t know why.  Hopefully it goes away on it’s own.

I watched the 4th of july specials on pbs last night.  HD fireworks are fun!  I also listened to part of the Houston Symphony perform their concert. I was just in time for the armed forces medly which always brings a tear to my eye.  Hopefully next year we can go to a show in person.  So many people back home were going to Clintonville, which is where my family went every year as well.  That brought back some memories.  My parents went with my brother, his wife, and his son to the Manawa rodeo, which we also went to as kids.  I wish I could have been there to see the tradition passed on.  Plus, I love to watch barrel racing! (and no, it has nothing to do with hot cowgirls…or maybe it does a little…)

And now, it’s the new week.  Time to find a little motivation, discipline, all that fun stuff to get these assignments done.  It’s an awkward time, waiting for a shuttle to launch.  It screws up the sim schedule so I’m going to do whatever I can do knock out some simple requirements (like observing sims and missions).  Then I”m not using too much of someone’s time either.  We’ll see.

Work cutbacks

It’s interesting how the economy can have an impact in a company that is in a contract with the federal government.  We knew our company had to have a reduction of manpower/budget over the next few years as we transitioned to a new space focus, but it wasn’t supposed to involve layoffs anytime soon.  Normally the natural attrition would have met the budget goals, but that was before the economy tanked.  This caused the normal attrition rate to drop by 75%, which means people need to be cut.  Hopefully the goals will be met this year by voluntary layoffs, but who knows.

The way I look at it, it doesn’t hurt to see what other jobs are out there.  You never know what’s out there until you look, and who wants to be surprised without a backup plan in place?  It’s interesting though, because I really didn’t expect this to happen, though I didn’t wonder where the attrition was this year.  Of course, this can all change if attrition increases and goes back to normal next year as the economy improves.

I hope no one has to be fired and everyone who leaves goes voluntarily.

New medicine

Carrie’s new medicine is getting into her blood stream.  Last Wednesday at Ben Taub the neurologist decided to add Trileptal to her medication regimine (total of 3 anti-convulsants).  It appears to have helped some, though she’s still building it up, but it’s completely exhausted her.  She can’t lift herself up very easily, can’t lift her legs up to get them on the pillows, it’s kinda crazy.  So I stayed home today to work and help her out.  I think tomorrow she’ll be doing better.  Maybe if I make some strong coffee it’ll help. lol

Yesterday we visited the pool for the first time.  We wanted to get some weight off her hips which are killing her.  We also wanted to give her a little more freedom.  She did have one hiccup which could have been tragic if I wasn’t paying attention.  Thankfully she’s fairly easy to move in water and I got her to the edge and supported her above the water until she came to.  We’ll do this more often as it is safe, I think it helps us both.

Saturday we discovered the cats have fleas.  This became obvious when Carrie was shaving monkey.  It was weird, he actually sad down in the bathroom and waited for us to give him a haircut.  He was so darn good it was scary!  He wasn’t happy that he had to get much more hair cut, but we needed to remove as many hiding places as possible.  Then he got a real bath which killed some, but not enough.  Today I spent the extra money to get frontline plus, which was $70, but it seems to be working.  There are a few still alive, but that should stop tomorrow.  This is early in the flea life cycle, so we should be able to stop it here.  Otherwise we’ll try advantage next time.

I’m going to go to bed and get a little meditation in.  I spent time while counseling someone breathing and staying in a meditative state, so it’s more to reinforce the feeling but surrounded by more silence.  And then, hopefully some good sleep.  I was up a lot with Carrie last night and could use it.  At least there’s only 3 days left this week.  I look forward to the 3 day weekend!

Healing Dream

I don’t remember many details of my dream last night, though they are coming back a bit.  I skipped the ambien which helped me remember, though I also made an effort to remember when I woke up at 0430.  The most important part of the dream involved me talking to someone else, someone I didn’t really know, I think a teenage girl.  I mentioned that I had been in a compromising situation once, someone who was a friend of mine.  The key thing I remembered was saying something to the effect of “She didn’t intend to do anything wrong”.  These words were healing, even as I thought about them.  This situation was a less than great one, but one in which the other person was too drunk to realize that I wasn’t comfortable, and I didn’t feel uncomfortable enough to put a stop to it.  So it was just a bad situation.  Really, the problem came later when she made false (libelous even) claims about me and that weekend.  And through this, the dream and thinking about it for a few minutes in the week hours of the morning, I came to forgive her and myself.  One simple sentence, and a simple decision to forgo ambien, and a weight has been lifted.  Just another example of divine and perfect order in my life.  And now, it’s time to sleep.