20 week ultrasound and preparing for ensouling

We had the 20 week ultrasound Friday. We only got two pictures off it, which I’ll scan later. We have to come back in a month because she was curled up in a ball for most of it so they couldn’t get good images of everything. They aren’t worried though. Everything looked good. Brain parts, nose, lips, soft palette, kidneys, arm and leg bones, and feet. Not sure what else they want to see, but hey, another chance to look at her!

I wish we had a better way to predict when these solar storms were going to hit so we could schedule around them. She’s already anxious when they kick up because she sees how the shields shake while being bombarded by these waves. Add to that the ultrasound, she just curled into a ball instinctively, even though she very much wants good pictures too. This has come up over the last week or so unexpectedly.

It turns out, most babies wait to fully ensoul until after the 20 week ultrasound, when the health of the body is confirmed. They don’t want to have to ensoul just to leave again for a serious defect. Strangely enough, they can’t really tell themselves. So Peanut has also been waiting to make sure everything is ok. That left us really confused about her lack of cooperation at the ultrasound, until Carrie realized the solar storms were causing problems for her.

Now that we know her body is sound, even with the lack of info, she seems more relaxed, at least about her body. These darn storms are still flared up so she’s not happy about that. Yesterday my wife had a brilliant idea though. She sat next to me and showed Peanut how all of our shields were vibrating in response to the storms. Then she told Peanut to drop her shield, seeing that the other shields were fine. Then she dropped hers, showing that my shield was sufficient to hold. Then she had peanut put her shield back up and mine dropped. Then she saw that her shield was fine too. It helped her understand that vibration wasn’t a big deal at all. Now she’s much more relaxed.

The other complication was that we were told Peanut was showing signs of being a bit stubborn, waiting to ensoul so she could keep the extra communication she has with us now. In theory that’s fine, but apparently that means the transition after birth is harder, leaving us with a collicky baby. Not ok. In the last day or so she’s been talked to by her guides though, explaining that birth will be harder on her and us if she waits. Last night she said she wants to be an easy baby and wants to ensoul. She’s just waiting on the sun to settle down it seems.

This was a total unknown before this week. I had no idea a lot of babies worried about the health of their body (assuming they weren’t choosing a life with a physical issue), and that the ultrasound was important to them. Or that they would wait to ensoul to make sure the time was right. I mean, I knew that babies chose different times to ensoul, but didn’t know how they made that decision. This sheds a little light on that process.

Soon things will change. Once she ensouls, we have no idea how much feedback we’ll get from her, so she’s trying to tell us a lot while she can. Here’s a summary.

Foods she likes: Fruit! Eggs! (Pretty sure she’s fine if I live off this lol) She likes beans, nuts, chicken, and turkey, because they make her feel strong (protein) but she doesn’t like that something dies. That’s why she prefers eggs, nuts and beans. The fruit just makes her happy, especially applesauce. She actually prefers the natural sugars than things like chocolate. That all makes me happy because the food kids are exposed to in the womb influence their food choices later on. I hope that means we’ll have an ethical eater in general. *edit* I forgot she also mentioned bread, crispy bread which we think means crackers. She likes that it makes her home stop moving around. We interpret that to mean I stop either being nauseous or grumbly.

Things she likes: MUSIC! She wants music all the time after she’s born. I’m not sure how we’re going to pull that off for our own sanity. There is an mp3 player for kids that has a speaker. It might work to give her music while we’re watching other things.

She loves it when I rub my belly. It comforts her, in addition to easing sore muscles for me. Knowing that encourages me to do it a lot more. For instance, during these solar storms she’d have her sleep interrupted. All I had to do was rub my belly for a few minutes and she’d settle down pretty fast. I’ll be using that a lot more once she’s kicking harder.

She’s requested that we hold her a lot after she’s born. She doesn’t want to lose the sound of heartbeats. It’s a good thing we already decided to do a lot of carrying because she clearly wants it.

And as she’s mentioned before, she loves the laser ‘star’ projector, so she’ll want that around (though she won’t be able to see it for a while.)

I think that’s the important stuff. We’re halfway through this. I’m simultaneously excited to meet her and scared to go through this phase. I still haven’t made it to yoga since my cough hit harder again Friday night. But now I’m feeling better again and expect to go this coming weekend. I really want to work on stretching these muscles safely.

Today I finally cooked two types of pasta dishes, so I now need to get them all put away and ready to bring for lunch. The only other trick is to remember to freeze leftovers before they go bad. I put too much time into making food to waste it. And now, it’s bedtime. Well, soon at least. I really want to start taking the train to work this week and stop paying so much for gas.

20 weeks

Ok one day short of 20 weeks. Close enough.

Finally did pictures. We made it fun so I’d feel less weird. That’s why I made a silly face while trying to suck in my gut. Lol

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Surviving maternity shopping

Well, I survived my first shopping trip. I wish I could say it was awesome and easy. But that was my own insecurities, not because anyone in the store sucked. I chose to start easy with Gordman’s. I figured it would be cheaper and I could go at my own comfort level, without any store associates. That was true, but that doesn’t mean it was easy.

First off, sizes are bizarre. In the end my sizes are all over the place. Medium tank tops, Large shirts, Extra Large pants and hoodie. What the hell? Part of that is preference. Why is all women’s clothes tight? That’s why I got the extra large hoodie. And a large tank top is way too long, but the medium tank wasn’t nearly as tight as the medium shirts. Maybe it’s just me, but that seems rather illogical.

My biggest problem is the damn tshirts. The combination of stupid ass tiny sleeves with insanely wide and deep necklines looks so ridiculous on me. That’s honestly what triggered all of my issues, looking in the mirror in the dressing room. I can’t describe it, really. Anxiety, discomfort. Basically the clothes says ‘you’re not a real woman because this looks ridiculous.’ For anyone who spent the last 20 years learning to dress comfortably and authentically, to have a stupid shirt point out how tenuous all that work is pissed me off.

I know I can cope to some extent with the world’s obsession with showing women’s breasts (what other reason is there for these massive necklines?), so I will look at long sleeved shirts when I’m running out of clothes that fit. I bought three tank tops so I can wear those under my button up shirts as I unbutton them for more room. If that makes sense… I also bought a light hoodie because it didn’t look ridiculous and it will give me a layer that will close when my winter coat doesn’t. I also have a bella band arriving this week which should keep me in my own pants for a while. We’ll see how long I can pull that off. Now that I have sizes I can buy things online more cheaply as well. I don’t want to spend tons of money on maternity clothes, but it’s hard to argue with the comfort level. Sure, I can buy larger clothes, but then it just looks like I’m drowning. I’d rather look pregnant than fat, which is why I’m willing to compromise to some extent (but not on those stupid short sleeves. Seriously, they need to go away, asap.)

I’m hoping once I can’t keep wearing my pants with the bella band that I can find some looser jeans in the store. Again, why are they all so dang tight?  To me this is the problem with sexualizing women at all times, at all ages (including toddlers!). It’s stupid and very annoying. I’m sure there are plenty of women who don’t like all this tight clothes and would like their pants to be more loose and comfortable, especially when bloated and uncomfortable while pregnant.

Ok, rant over for now. I came home and showed Carrie but yelled at my mother-in-law for asking about the clothes. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about clothes after a semi-traumatic event, with a person who doesn’t get it. So…there’s that.

I don’t need to go shopping for a few months hopefully. Maybe I’ll get lucky and keep carrying high enough to stick with my pants. That really makes things easier.

Any other tips from other butches/tomboys?

Week 19

Well, we’re almost at the halfway point. I’m showing. A lot. Heartburn is much more common now that my stomach is getting squished upward. I can feel her moving around pretty much every day. My muscles are starting to be strained by the stretching. All in all, I’m feeling more pregnant. lol

I haven’t been taking weekly pictures. I’m self conscious, even though I know it’s silly. But you know, you don’t see overweight people taking pregnancy pictures. It’s always the women that started skinny so their bump is tight from the get go. When you start with extra inches, it doesn’t look as cute to me. My wife loves it, but she’s biased (ok, so am I). But, that’s kind of why I haven’t been taking pictures. Or that’s entirely it. Ah, insecurity is funny that way. But, for reference, this is a picture I didn’t know my mom was taking two weeks ago (otherwise I would have smiled).

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Considering how large my chest is, it’s freaking me out that my belly is past it already! I’m working on not caring, but I am not working on it enough since it’s still bugging me. *use my tools* *breathe* *poc and pod it*

So, there’s that. I’m using the hair tie trick from butch preggo on my pants and shorts, which is very handy! But it’s about time to start looking at the actual maternity stores. This weekend I hope to see the Old Navy maternity section and Motherhood Maternity. Conveniently both are located at the same mall area. I figure if I start looking now, and figure out sizing I can order some things online. I dread this, since apparently all women’s pants are tight. It’s stupid. I wear standard boring wranglers relaxed fit jeans. I don’t even try them on in the store because I’m so used to them and their sizing. I haven’t worn women’s clothing (beyond bras) for probably 15 or 20 years. Socks and shoes don’t count. ;-) My goal is to find things that don’t totally suck. I’ll probably stick with long sleeved shirts to avoid the idiocy of tiny sleeves. If I can find something with an actual collar, even better. I’m not a sweater person since I get too hot usually, but I’m going to look into some options there. Thanks to Butch and Pregnant for a few ideas to make things work a bit better. I definitely need to pick up some under shirts, but those are a bit easier to find it seems.

Beyond clothes, if I feel good enough tomorrow I’m going to my first prenatal yoga class. I need to get stretching things, as my muscles and skin are about as stretched they can comfortable go. I can’t just sit around and see what happens, I need to actively assist my body in this next half of pregnancy. And I need the stress release along with the strengthening. My body is pretty weak after 4 months of less than adequate food. While I could just do a video at home, I need to get out of the house and have someone work with me or I won’t do it. Now if they could just have the class later in the day instead of 9am! I’m still recovering from being sick and need a lot of sleep.

Oh, as for food, I can eat more foods, but there are still plenty of things I don’t have desire for. My stomach, being squished, doesn’t allow me to eat as much as I did before pregnancy, which is fine. I’m not fond of the heartburn at all. Sometimes the only food I can eat is cereal with lactose free milk or instant mac and cheese. I know mac and cheese isn’t great for me, but it goes down really well when I’m feeling a bit off, and they are single serving so I don’t try to eat too much. I figure, overall I eat well. And it’s more important to eat something than to get more sick.

So that’s where I’m at, here in week 19. Next Friday is the ultrasound so we can see how different our little 6″ peanut is!

Peanut’s new developments

Rather than continue to bitch about being sick, which I’m quite good at, I want to share a few new things happening in Peanut’s world that are fun.

First, for those who remember, she’s expressed frustration at being unable to control her limbs at all. Well, in the past week she’s gained minimal control over her shoulder and can life her arm up on command! She can’t stabilize it or anything, but it’s still pretty exciting in her world. One muscle down, a bunch more to go!

Second, we’ve discovered that she loves when I tap out drum beats on my belly. I can feel her moving around when I do it, and I am overcome with joy. I need to be rather gentle with it so it doesn’t startle her with loudness, but it’s fun for us both. And since she’s starting to hear with her physical ears this should get even more fun. I did ask last night what it felt like when I coughed, and she just gets moved around. It isn’t a sharp movement or anything so I don’t think she’s being overly disrupted by this cough. 

For me, I can feel her movement more and more often and more easily. It still feels weird, but it’s good to have something that changes in a positive way. 

We’ve also confirmed that she has sleep cycles, which is fairly logical as a brain function, but still something we hadn’t thought of before. Also, as she spends the bulk of her time in her body now, she’s forgetting more and more about life as a non-physical being. 

Given that we hit week 19 tomorrow, and we’re in the zone of half-way there, I think this starts the new phase of experiencing sensations/movement while I can still fit into my pants. lol It should be more fun in many ways. 

Damn cold continued

It feels like forever. It’s been 5 days, but I’m so over having a cold. We’re all miserable in different ways. My wife has a sinus and lung infection now. I have a bit of a lung infection going on and am apparently wheezing at night. The doctor has us both on antibiotics and I’m taking my rescue inhaler up to 4 times a day. I’m also doing mucinex extra strength and benadryl, with my vitamins. We’re on our second night in recliners, but that also means the humidified is hitting right on me instead of getting blown away. 

Normally I would have hit this with sudafed and other meds, but those are out during pregnancy. It’s definitely different being sick pregnant. So far Peanut is no worse for the wear, which is good. Hopefully this makes my immune system even stronger going into winter. I’m not a fan of flu shots and do not intend on getting one this year either. I think this is an abnormally strong cold, based on how it’s hitting everyone else in the house as well.

I’m hoping this is passing fast. I’m rather tired and we have plans for this weekend. First, I want to take my first prenatal yoga class Saturday. We also have our first tickets of the broadway season for Pippin Saturday night. I’m going to call them tomorrow and see if I can swap them out for another day, so we’re more healed. We’ll both be coming off our antibiotics then so I don’t know how we’ll feel. Then, Sunday is the last day of the fossil, mineral, and gem show. We need to go shopping for our god daughters and potentially ourselves. There will be more deals that way. :-)

Now it’s time to curl up in the chair and hope I can get to sleep soon. I stayed home from work today but need to go tomorrow so the more sleep the better. If I can get up early enough then I’ll even take the train to avoid fatigued driving. Or I’ll drive to avoid germs. Neither option is good. Hmm… 

Meeting Wolves

My animal totem is a wolf, more precisely an arctic wolf I think. I’ve meet a wolf dog before, but I really wanted to meet other wolves in a safe environment. There are quite a few wolf rescues that allow you to greet the friendlier wolves, but hadn’t made time to see any. I remember seeing that the Manitou Cliff Dwellings Museum hosts wolves from Colorado Wolf Adventures, it seemed every 2 weeks or so, I hoped we could fit it into my parent’s visit. Thankfully, it worked out quite nicely! 

Pictures are a donation to the center, and I paid $20 to have a bunch of pictures and a cd burned of them. They took 66 in all, since people and animals move it gave us a few pretty cool pictures. I think there are two wolf rescues in Colorado with different experience options so I’ll look into further experiences, like taking a wolf walk, in the future. These public picture appearances are pretty busy so there’s less quality time with the wolves. 

My wife looked at the pictures and said I was glowing, and my belly was glowing a lot too. Peanut enjoys animals! The cats complained I stank like dog, but that’s their normal response. lol 

Here are the best pictures, in my opinion. Waya is inside the building, Ghost is in the window. Waya had much softer fur. :-)

Also, we’re holding our hands up because we had cheese and pizza crust. Ghost had been sleeping before the picture. You’ll notice Ghost starts paying attention to things around him. My wife said that’s because he felt comfortable enough with me to not focus on me anymore. That was pretty cool, once I understood the behavior. :-)

And since wordpress wanted to put these in reverse order, that’s what you get. I don’t feel like arguing with it. 

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