For the last 25 days I’ve been taking a class from Katherine McIntosh called the Naked Revolution. The goal is to start becoming free of judgement. Since I’m struggling with words, I’m going to copy/paste things I’ve been posting as part of the class, to show some of the changes that have happened during that time.
One big area I’m working on is align/agree vs resist/disagree. I do it a ton, almost everywhere in my life. I’ve been working on it a lot. Not much else to say about that yet, but it’s an underlying theme to most everything.
February 17 (day 10) – I’m still struggling, but am getting a few things here at there. For one, I don’t know if I honestly know anything about how to truly just be me with my body, having spent so much time mimicking people to fit in. So maybe that’s why when I ask my body questions I don’t notice an answer – I’m just that cut off from it in order to mimick. And then the judgements are so buried I still don’t get to them. I wanted to have some body processes run this weekend but it didn’t feel right once I got to the trade. So I’m trying to find a time that’s light (and a person lol). I am sick of not getting very far with this. (Not blaming, or even that frustrated, more confused at this point.) Some of this is the hormones, by the way. It’s part of the fertility treatments to get pregnant. It’s been far less fun than last time. lol
On the plus side, I’m noticing more random moments of joy. If I can just take a moment to breathe and expand I feel good.
Feb 23 was the Intensive, a full day at Katherine’s house which was the most amazing experience ever. We covered all sorts of topics, and Katherine worked on my body for quite some time, helping me to release a ton of stuff I can’t even put words to. One thing that came up was that I’m an elephant, far more aware of the earth below me than I ever acknowledged. And that leads to the problems with my lower body, especially feet and knees. One thing I’m working on is asking my body, what are you aware of? And then, contributing whatever energies the earth requests. Finally, something I’m playing with is receiving from entities that are waiting to contribute to me. These are the themes that I had more awareness with after.
Feb 25 - I have to share something funny that just happened. I had a high pitched noise in my ear. It was different from normal tinnitus in that it seemed to muffle my ear as well. So I closed my eyes and said, entities, download. The pitch faded and was gone within seconds! That’s never happened before! hahaha
I’ve been playing with being an elephant. When I walk I ask what my feet are aware of. And I ask what the earth requires and contribute whatever I can do it. I don’t define it, so I don’t cognitively know what I’m doing, but it’s fun. When I stand, I focus on my feet to feel the sensations I wasn’t aware of before. I’m hoping by doing this consistently the pain in my feet will continue to dissipate and heal.
I also consciously relax and open areas that I feel are tense or closing down. It’s a lot easier to do than before, since I know what it feels like. And then I make sure to let my wings out.
Feb 26 - I keep getting really intense about all this ‘don’t serve gays’ crap being pulled in arizona, kansas, and tennesee (with other states trying to follow). What really gets me pissed is a few right wing friends on my list keep trying to defend the people pushing these laws, and saying that I’m doing the same thing by fighting back against the discrimination. I know that isn’t true, but I’m getting really frustrated at their inability to see the difference. While yes, it’s an interesting point of view, it’s a point of view that keeps this shit coming up, allowing more laws to be proposed, and allowing all sorts of messed up stuff to happen in our country. This idea of equivalent arguments, and each side is equally wrong.
I don’t want to be this intense about it because it’s a distraction. But I want people to stop and really think about what this all means. And when they can’t, my brain breaks. lol
I don’t want to make intensity wrong. A little assistance? I also know I can out create these idiots, lol, but I’m fighting this for the whole world, not just me and my family.
(following morning) The awareness I had today is that, while I had great intensity over this, I didn’t make it wrong and punish myself. Instead I stayed in this space of question, asking how I can contribute more. Today I’m in a different space, providing tools to create a world we desire instead of just fighting what we don’t want. That’s flipping the molecule isn’t it? It’s a completely different approach, one that feels light, and can do a lot more than trying to change people’s minds on something they may never truly understand.
Feb 27 - This morning on the train, doing my meditation, I felt this completely different space open up. I’m not even sure I was still here, it was so different. lol I can’t wait for the next intensive. It seems to work well for me, better than a little at a time every day, I like having a big kick start.
Feb 27 (day 20) - Today I applied the ‘stop’ tool on the train. The young man across from me was pulling out chewing tobacco and I caught myself judging him. I actually said the word “stop” in my head, and then reminded myself of all the judgment he likely receives on a daily basis – which may even be one of the reasons he chews (not that it matters in the end, I don’t need a story to choose non-judgement lol). So I focused on relaxing and expanding. It felt good.
Feb 27 - As i was walking my foot was really hurting. Using my access tools i asked what it was aware of and what i can contribute to the earth. I spent a minute contributing energy into the earth and it wouldn’t go away fully. Then I realized I was making the pain wrong, which locks it in the body so I asked, ‘what’s right about this I’m not getting?’
The pain left immediately! Hahahaha
In summary, lots of change. Things are changing I can’t put words to, but words aren’t necessary. I plan to take the next intensive at the end of April too. I mean if so much change comes from one day, what else is possible? I continue to work on things daily. I’m listening to clearings at night and working on asking my body what awareness it’s getting. I also try to acknowledge everything, but I’m sure I miss things. Then my body speaks up. It’s a very worthwhile process.