More info on babies, life, conception

Today we got some questions answered on our way to get inseminated. When the being mentioned putting a piece of itself in the zygote at conception, we weren’t sure what that meant. Turns out, some beings place a marker on the cells, sort of like calling Shotgun to get the front passenger seat in a vehicle. However, that doesn’t mean it will get that body later when it’s time to ensoul. For instance, sometimes a being is in the wrong place or timeline, so they won’t be allowed to ensoul in that body, even if they put down a marker. And there are plenty of times when no marker is placed on the cells, there is simply the ensouling process that occurs whenever it wants to occur. ¬†And until ensouling occurs, it is just a bunch of cells.

This brought up the questions about abortion and when life begins. Life doesn’t begin at conception. Life doesn’t begin even at ensoulment. Life begins when life begins, when it can exist outside the womb. That will vary with the body. At conception, all that happens is the creation of a body, not a life. Even with a marker, that’s not ensoulment.

So, definitively, we were told life DOES NOT begin at conception. A woman needs to be able to choose what is best for her situation. If there is a man involved, they should have a say (my perspective, it didn’t come up in our discussion with spirit guides). But people should never be forced to have a child that has developmental issues, or that will cause great risk to their life. It is irresponsible to force that on anyone.

This won’t convince anyone who believes differently, but I present it for those who don’t have strong views, or who are open to other perspectives.

The last thing we learned was that the ‘bully baby’, as the cat calls it, was in the wrong place in the wrong time. I am pregnant with that child in another timeline, a lower timeline. My wife asked if that being was a younger version of the soul waiting for us in this timeline and I really don’t know. It’s a cool question, but I would think having two versions of the same soul in the same place and time would be dangerous. I suspect there’s a different answer.

I facilitated!

Tonight I talked to a 13 year old distant relative who’s having a rough time. In the past I had no idea what to say. She comes off as very needy and I don’t do needy. My wife talked to her and didn’t think she got very far with her. We hadn’t heard anything for over a week when she sent me a message today. Thankfully tonight I could apply what I learned in foster care class about boundaries, and Access Consciousness about not getting involved in the story.

First, boundaries. What we’re supposed to practice a lot is how to teach boundaries. It’s a little cheesy, but it’s actually really helpful too. It’s the 3 C’s: Calm, something else with a C, and Correct. lol First, calm down. Second, intervene (what’s a synonym that starts with C?) Third, correct. “It’s inappropriate to do ___ (be specific). If you need to do ____, you can ____.” So, in this case, I was addressing her constant search for approval or love. When she asked if I cared for her, I said this. “It’s inappropriate to ask people you barely know if they love or care for you.” I didn’t have a good correction, but I explained that asking these things can make her a victim of people who like to take advantage of people. Then we talked about how it doesn’t matter how people answer that question because their actions are what matters. But, there are people who care who show it in ways she doesn’t recognize. For example, a parent who abuses their kid does care, but they show it in a negative way.

Then I asked her how she would show herself love, if she was the parent. After a few answers I asked why she didn’t do those things now, and she mentioned that she didn’t believe she was smart or pretty. I then focused on how hearing she’s stupid every day is going to make it hard to see herself any way. I explained that most of the time the people who are abused are a threat to the abuser. I see this a lot, where people who are special, bright, intuitive, smart, etc are the targets of insecure people. I got her to agree to spend time every day looking for something good about herself. And when her mom tells her things to say ‘everything is the opposite of what it appears to be, nothing is the opposite of what it appears to be’. My hope is she does this and starts to undo the damage from her mom.

By the end, she felt different. I didn’t feel the same neediness from her. I’m not delusional that she’s all better, but if she does it even once that will make a small difference in her life.

What we’ve learned about the baby stuff

If you haven’t read much of my blog, this may sound a bit crazy. But my reality is one where we communicate with animals and spirit guides, work with energy, and have friends who do the same. And in the past few weeks we’ve learned a lot about this pregnancy process.

Two weeks ago we saw Katherine McIntosh, who does some amazing work on bodies energetically. In the 5 minutes she worked on me (most of the session was spent on my wife), she noticed that there were extra beings and stagnant energy in my abdominal area. So we cleaned that out, which truly felt like space after. Then she was able to see that my fallopian tubes were constricted. They weren’t completely closed off, but they slow down the egg enough to make it so the pregnancy can’t stick. So she lead me through aligning my energy and opening my fallopian tubes, which I do most days.

Then comes a conversation we had with our cat the other night. She’s discovered that if she sleeps at my wife’s feet, she can tag along on astral journeys, to some extent. When out, she simply asks for the babies meant for her mamas to show up. At first there was just one baby. She mentioned lately that there was more than one baby that she’s met. We started asking questions. She said there was one who she didn’t like. It was pushy, and didn’t want the other being there. The pushy being was a young soul, and it came around more recently than the original being that’s been around.

The other being has a bright, really white light to it. That one said it’s been present at fertilization the first time, but then it got too tight, which we realized was the Fallopian tube issue. And then for the next attempts the other being tried to push it out so the egg couldn’t stick.
These conversations happened before Katherine worked on me. The other day, she called for the babies again and this time the bully was gone. It was just the original being. We asked her to pass along messages for us, letting the baby know that we fixed the tightness, so there’s nothing to fear. It’s worried that I’m going to be hurt while pregnant because this being is so open, I will be much more aware of things. I told it, and had the cat tell it, that it need not worried. I’m prepared for all of that.
It sounds like this will be a wild ride! And the chances are still best that it’ll be a girl, but we’ll find out. At this point, I have two follicles growing to the same size basically, which means there is still a chance for twins. While some people might think the same soul would only be split with identical twins, there’s no reason why a soul can’t split for fraternal twins. That doesn’t mean the twins would be similar. Personalities and interests can be drastically different. In any case, we won’t know about that for many weeks.
I take the trigger shot tomorrow night, with insemination Thursday morning. I’m so glad to be done with shots. I was giving them to myself early, but last night and tonight I couldn’t do it. I had to have my wife give me them. It didn’t make sense at first, but the guides say that hormones appear to amplify my fears. And since the injectibles are stronger, I don’t expect to give myself the trigger shot tomorrow. I’ll try, but don’t expect much. I need to be patient and understanding with myself.
And now, it’s time for bed. After last night’s insomnia I really need the sleep.

Sunday Workout

I rescheduled my saturday session for today, since I was way too tired. We’ll be easing up on workouts now with IUI coming this week. Instead of 4 exercises per group, there will be just 2. I’m going up in weight in a few areas. I was feeling more stable with the incline bench, which is nice. And today I found it easier to carry things in from the store. :-)


  • Group A
    • Walking (treadmill)
      • 00:08:00 | 0.4 mi8
    • Incline Dumbbell Bench Press
      • 15 lb x 12 reps52
      • 15 lb x 12 reps52
      • 20 lb x 12 reps (PR)56
    • Goblet Squat (dumbbell)
      • 30 lb x 12 reps44
      • 30 lb x 12 reps44
      • 40 lb x 12 reps (PR)47
    • Elliptical Trainer
      • 00:03:00 | Easy (PR)12
  • Group B
    • Seated Cable Row
      • 95 lb x 12 reps42
      • 95 lb x 12 reps42
      • 95 lb x 12 reps (PR)42
    • One-leg hip thrusts off bench
      • 12 reps54
      • 12 reps54
      • 12 reps (PR)54
    • Walking (treadmill)
      • 00:03:00 | 0.1 mi5
  • Medicine Ball Jack Knife Sit-Up
    • 10 lb x 15 reps27
    • 10 lb x 15 reps27
    • 10 lb x 15 reps27
    • 10 lb x 15 reps (PR)27

Workouts this week (so far)

Last workouts

Some thoughts. My legs are tired this week. It’s partly due to the hormones which throws my energy off. But, I’m also getting stronger, and I’m recovering better. Right now I’m building up to the bar (45 pounds), but am trying to focus on good technique. dumbbell incline presses are hard, not due to weight, but stabilization. So I’m staying at a lower weight there to build up those other muscles. Otherwise I’ll quickly head to a shoulder injury which I can’t afford.

I still hate lunges. They’re hard, and they suck. lol

I’m adding in the lat pull downs and pull up motions to build up to doing pull-ups. It’s a personal goal because everyone feels like a badass doing pull-ups. :-) Tomorrow I meet with Greg again. I already warned him I’ll be tired. That should mean a shorter workout and more discussion of diet.

Read the rest of this entry »

CD4 injection 2

Just a note to say tonight was easier. I still found it hard to actually do the poking, but I spent far less time wrestling my brain.

My wife offered to do it but I refused. I want to do this. I need to face this fear and I don’t often push myself with fears anymore because they don’t come up. And without a drill instructor yelling, or the threat of yelling and punishment, I have time to overthink, which causes hesitation. Therefore I view this as training. Phase 1 was giving my cat insulin injections. Phase 1.5 was donating blood monthly. Phase 2 was giving my wife insulin injections. Phase 3 is giving myself injections. Phase 4, if I can get to it, is learning wilderness medicine including starting an IV. If I don’t reach that phase it’s ok though. I’ll see what opportunities arise.

CD3 Injections begin

This morning was the ultrasound. I’m a little confused because I thought they told me eggs could start one cycle and continue growing another cycle. But then the nurse said there’s some ‘leftovers’ but they aren’t anything to worry about. This is why I hate biology, and I’m torn about my doctor’s office. They seem to give me confusing information.

They also did blood work, to determine my starting follistim dose. I’m to do 100 iu for tonight through wednesday night, which sounds high to me, but it’s hard to tell if it is. The tricky part, besides giving me a shot, is they say to do it between 5 and 8, being consistent with the time. But tomorrow night is foster care class, from 6-9. I have to haul ass from work, so I guess try to sneak it in right before class? Which means I should take that first shot right about now, since i have it with me. But then Wednesday I have to bring it with again because I won’t be home that early. :-P I’m getting sick of my schedule, and how far I live from work. It makes things more complicated. But I also hate living in cities, so I’m not sure how we’ll solve this issue. lol

Thursday I go back in for more blood and another ultrasound. Then they see if the dosage needs to be changed.

Side note, ultrasounds during a cycle suck. I cramped a bunch after. Not for toooo long, but it was annoying.



I just did the shot. Stings. Not so fun. Oh well.


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